Want to be a stay-at-home-mom, but it just can't happen, how can I make myself be okay with that?

Question

We're still TTC our fist child, but more and more, I've been thinking that I'd really like to be a stay at home mom. I'm in a very stressful field (mental health field) that I'm tired of and I just want to stay home and get to experience every day of my baby. I mean we had it all planned out for my MIL to look after our baby for a few hours a day, but now the thought of that is making me cringe - I'd be jealous! But it's not going to be able to happen - I have the highest level of education, I make the most money, I carry the health insurance, etc. My hubby is self-employed, loves what he does, and does not want to change that. The problem is, his income is not steady and being self-employed, we couldn't afford health insurance through him. So anyway, I decided I still want to have a baby, but I just feel so depressed thinking that I'm still going to have to work after my 12 week maternity leave. I've tried to think of how we could make it work, but can't come up with anything.

Answer 1

If you are truly set on being a stay at home Mom you can do it but it would take great sacrifice on both your parts. Make all the necessary changes that you need to make in order to live within your husband's income. Move to a less expensive home - sell your cars and buy used older ones that are less expensive - because your husband's income is not steady you could probably get government assistance that would provide your children with medical insurance. Other than doing those things I don't know what other choice you have other than keep working.

Answer 2

well i know in some states they let you bring your newborn to work for the first few months. you should look into that. or possibly find a childcare center close to your work and when you can take a break every so often go over there and play with your child for a lil bit. i a ma stay at home mother of two (will be three) and beleive me its no wlak in the park either whole new kind of stress. or maybe when you do return from maternity leave start back just part time (if you can afford that) and slowly work back into full time. sorry i cant really help much more i havent worked in years so i really dont know what else to say except good luck

Answer 3

When you're not working take asvantage of all the stay at home mom things. Offer to cook clean drive your kids to soccer practice all those responsibilities you wish you had. =]

Answer 4

I understand where you're coming from.  I have three children, 8, 4 and 3.  I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom but haven't been able to in order to make ends meet.  Hopefully you can come up with a solution that will allow you to stay at home with your child but if not, you should rest easy in the fact that the baby's grandmother will be caring for it while you're at work.  Grandma's are second best to mom's and it beats the heck out of daycare.  Plus because I don't get to stay at home with them, I truly appreciate the time we have together in the evenings and on the weekends.  Quality, not quantity.  Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 5

You really need to relax and quit thinking of the what if's!  It is not easy to say trust me I went from a working mom, to a stay at home mom, to back to a working mom again because of our financial circumstances.  I have to make myself think every morning about the life I am providing for my children.  And, maybe there will be a time when you can stay home with your child, maybe you can find a job that allows you to do that.  Also, there are several companies who allow you to work so many hours and still get the benefits and be able to be home more with your children. You are stressing over things before they are happening.  Hang in there.

Answer 6

You just have to know sometimes things are not one hundred percent how we would like them to be.  but there will always be a strong bond between you and your child because of the pregnancy.

I am a single parent and work 75-90 hrs a week.  I was so afraid my daughter was going to grow up thinking that my mother was her mom.  But the few minutes I spend with her undevotedly make all the difference.  When she called me mommy for the first time it was the greatest feeling ever.  She never referred to her grandma as mom.  She wakes up every morning and the first thing she says is momma working? and then says si, momma working, snow white.  Which means yes momma is working so that she can buy her princess dresses.  When grandma tells her mom is on her way home, she waits by the door to hug me really hard when she sees me.  And on those special days that I can afford take the day off, she spends every waking moment following me and playing with me and tries her hardest not to take a nap so that she can enjoy as much time as she wants.  Yes being a working parent is hard but I love knowing she depends on me, and trust me I have not missed out on anything.  I was there for her first word, her first step and I have a feeling she knows how hard I work for her.