Wanting Your Own Birth Record - a Sign of Mental Instability?

Question

When will people understand that Adult Adoptees wanting to be treated equally under the law are not 'looking to complete themselves with a piece of paper'?

When will people get that?

When will people stop saying that adoptees who search for the truth of their origins are mentally unstable?

Answer 1

This concept of "looking to complete themselves with a piece of paper" is either a misunderstanding on the part of the person who made the statement or a perversion of the actual reason for wanting equal access, again made by the person who made the statement.

I have a very complete life (sometimes a little overly complete -- as in busy!)  Seriously, yes my life is good and I'm really amazed at the number of times I catch myself thinking about what a good life I have.  I know that sounds funny, but I see people out there with some pretty rough lives, so I'm often confronted with the state of my own life, therefore giving my mind the opportunity to make the comparison.  I feel quite complete in who I am and the life I live.

Being allowed by law to obtain the factual record of my birth will not make me or my life any more or less "complete."  I know everything that's written on it.  There's nothing I can learn from it.  It will change nothing about me or my life.  I even know the people who are named on it and have good relationships with them.  So, for me, it's not even about gaining information or "reuniting."

However, when my own state tells me that I am not able to receive my own record of birth simply because someone adopted me (not because I was given up for adoption,) then I take issue with that.  It is BECAUSE I ALREADY AM A WHOLE PERSON, that I expect the state to treat me as though I am.  If I did not feel whole and complete, I might not think I deserve equal treatment under the law.  This could suggest, at the very least, that I don't think well enough of myself to believe that my own state should treat me in an equal fashion under the law.  By denying me the same right that non-adopted people have, the state is treating me as though I am less than other citizens.  It suggests that I am not "complete" enough or "safe" enough to have the very same document that non-adopted persons can access.  It treats me as though I am suspect without cause.

In summary, it is because I am a whole, complete person who feels good about who she is and the life she has that I believe I deserve to be treated equally under the law.  It's not the document that I want.  It's the RIGHT to have that document that I want.  That represents equal treatment under the law.  When California opens records, I will obtain my OBC as a symbol that I am now seen as an equal citizen by the state.  It's no one else's business, however, if I choose to obtain it or not.  It's no one's business if i choose to read it, scribble on it or wipe the floor with it, just as it's no one's business what non-adopted persons do with their own documents.

Regarding people looking for the truth of their origins and the stability of their mental health, that is pretty simple.  If searching for the truth of one's origins is a sign of mental instability, then an incredible number of people are mentally unstable.  Genealogy is the number 2 "hobby" in the US.  Perhaps I'll write to the Genealogical Society of America and let them know that all of its members are mentally unstable.

Answer 2

I didn't know anyone was saying this.  

I have heard adoptees who have not searched called "negligent" for not passing on their heritage to their children

Both statements seem pretty extreme and I imagine most people wouldn't give much merit to either one.

Answer 3

Sign me up to the mentally unstable club please :)

I sent away for my Original Birth Certificate...

And unlike some of the unlucky ones on here who *Whinge* about it as I am told that is what they do...I received mine.. But i tell you what I would be a part of that *Whining* Group too if I hadn't of go mine..h**l Yeah...Because its MINE and I am ENTITLED To know who the F*** I am

Like Hello, It is MINE, it is About ME, MY Birth, My DOB, My Place Of Birth...

Therefore I am ENTITLED To it

Yes Entitled to it............ Mrs ADOPTION IS A-OK - what sort of a user name is that anyway ?

Answer 4

Amen!! its not mentally unstable to want to know about ones self.

Answer 5

I think adoptees who don't search have mental problems. You know like they are playing with 1/2 a deck and living 1/2 a life.

Answer 6

I think people can be mean.

Answer 7

NO you are definatly not unstable and who ever tells you that you are is unstable themselves.  A child naturally wants to know everything about themselves and it is completely normal. I placed twins up for adoption almost 8 yrs ago and they better not tell them anything bad or that they are not normal etc.... and i was placed myself and i cant even see my own court records on what was said in court 20 yrs ago apprx.  i was in foster care but i knew who my parents where but i am not allowed to even see my own court hearings how stupid huh?

Answer 8

Probably, the people that are stating that you are unstable must not be adopted.  I am not sure what you are asking but I am adopted and if you need anyone to talk to or help you then e-mail me at [e-mail].

And do not worry about what people say, life is too short to worry about others.  Be happy with yourself and enjoy life.

You are not unstable...........

Answer 9

to

Adoption! Is Okie! Dorky! Artichokie!

No, both sides of the sword are NOT sharp in this instance, but gee whiz thanks for playing--

Answer 10

Well then I must be really mentally ill because I have a copy of mine...same as everyone else in my family - adopted and not.

AOK i guess when people forget that you can be seen as greedy or mentally unstable because you want somebody elses family.

Answer 11

The piece of paper doesn't complete you...if it did, I would have been completed when I got my OBC years ago.  I don't even think I've seen any adoptees claiming that it would.

Unfortunately, there isn't one quick fix for adoptees that feel incomplete.  But having the same rights as everyone else to see your OBC sure does help to answer some questions and get the ball rolling.  

Why would anyone say that we're mentally unstable for wanting to see our original birth certificate?  That's just weird.

Answer 12

I hope they get it soon. I have placed 4 children for adoption and i want each of them to know everything about their Birth family. You are complete as you are but that piece of paper can be very important and I hope you get it.

Answer 13

um...who are these people? I've never said such a thing. do not include me in that group

Answer 14

I never thought I wanted to search for my birth parents.  Until i started filling out forms in my OB's office when i became pregnant.  The questions asked I had no idea about.  So i started trying to search out someone who might know of my medical history.  I never felt that anyone thought I was mentally unstable.  It was a huge pain and seemed insane to me to have so much trouble just trying to find information that could protect my unborn child.  That was my main interest.  

It seems silly that just trying to get your basic medical information is such a huge hassel.  Yes that needs to be changed, I don't think you're unstable for wanting that.

Answer 15

i guess people (being me, an adult adoptee) will understand that about the same time you realize people are not greedy or mentally unstable just because they want a family.

hmmm, both sides of the sword are sharp aren't they?

Answer 16

they are not unstable they just want answers to questions they have been wanting answers to. They deserve and have a right to know

Answer 17

I sorta think that people who DON'T want a record are mentally unstable.

But I hate lies.  I grew up pretending in a closed adoption.  As a adult I'm OUT, and I've never felt better!