Wanting a baby but fiancee does not?

Question

I've wanted a family my whole life and right now i think would be a perfect time for a baby, but my fiancee does not want a child right now. he wants to wait at least three years. i understand waiting a year after we're married, but not 3. i want to be a young mother and i think the longer we wait the less likely that will happen. should i give up the only thing ive ever wanted to a man that im going to spend my life with? or should i try talking him into this?

Answer 1

It takes two to want a baby. He will not be a good father unless he is ready. If you talk him into it, he will resent you for not respecting his wishes. Be patient.  

Answer 2

This is a touchy subject for all couples. I would definately wait until you're married, stability is a big factor. As far as "giving up" your dream, I wouldn't give in too easily. Try a compromise, waiting 2 years instead of 1 or 3. He may change his mind before that, guys get that urge for children more than you think. Let him get used to having a wife, then move onto the family part. Right now you should focus on the two of you and building a solid marriage.  

Answer 3

Don't try talking him into this. It has to be a mutual decision between the two of you. Ask him if he would want a baby after being married for a year. But before you get married i think you should figure this out.

Answer 4

First of all...how old are you?  If you are still fairly young and not close to to 35 (the age that it may become difficult and you have a higer chance of complications during pregnancy) then I would say you can afford to wait.  Are you financially stable? Etc, etc.  I do know that my parents always say some of the best years of their lives...were the years right after they were married...and before they had kids.  Being married without kids allows you do be selfish, save money, etc....once you have children your entire life will change.  I would suggest waiting the 3 years like that your husband wishes...=)

Answer 5

3 years is not too long to wait. That doesn't even make you to be an older mom by then. There must be a good reason why he doesn't like you to have a baby right now. Talk things over. It's not a reason for you to give up on anything just because you cannot have a baby yet. Just try to understand each other. Always look forward instead of worrying over things that are not really supposed to be a problem at all. If you think his reason is valid, then patiently wait with him for the right time. Before you'll know it, 3 years is over.

Cheers!

Answer 6

Please do not try and talk him into it.  He is a smart and mature guy to want to wait.  You sound as thou you need to mature before even getting married.  Marriage and having a baby are very big life changing events. It is wonderful to be a wife and a mother, a blessed union with the sacrament of marriage has the best chance of all.  It is only fair, smart and mature to get married first then have a baby.  Think about baby and then your relationship.  Having a  baby first only causes strain on you relationship and it will not help you to try and keep him from leaving you.  If you love each other things will fall into place the way God intended them to.  You need the sacrament of marriage to have a strong bond, this is healthy for BABY, you and him.  I was a single mother first raising my daughter alone for years.  Then I got married we have 6 children together making 7 all together.  It is like night and day.  Maybe you are not meant to marry this person or not yet anyway.

Answer 7

If you talk him into having a child with you when he's not ready, or trick him into having a child with you when he's not ready, he will resent you.  It's clear that it's important to you to have a child now, while it's equally important to your fiance to not have a child right now.  I'm afraid that you are in completely different places in your life.  If you are to get married, this conflict will constantly be driving a wedge between you two.  You need to think long and hard about this.  If you can't live without a child in your life for the next few years, you need to find someone else to spend your life with, someone who shares your goals, because it's clear your fiance doesn't.

Answer 8

My advice, for what it's worth? Go to counseling to see if this relationship is worth saving. If your fiance refuses to go, go without him.

Answer 9

A baby is something you can never take back so if he isn't 100% ready then it's not right to force it.  The truth is, he said he wants kids and in three years.  It's not like you won't ever have the marriage and the kids so just wait it out.  Being a young mother is not all it's cracked up to be, especially with an unwilling father.

Answer 10

Counseling will be the best answer because this is something that you can not compromise on. You need to find out why he wants to wait and why you feel like you can not. Think about it... what is the rush?