Wanting a baby?

Question

I want a baby and my husband doesn't. I knew he didn't like kids before we married, but I thought after a few years of marriage he would be ready, but we have been married 3 years and he still doesn't want a baby.

He tells me to put into words why I want a baby, but I can't. I know I do,and desprately, but I can't put my feelings into words. I long to be pregnant, to hold our child, to teach him/her things, etc.

I want your opinion on what I should say to him. How do I explain my strong urge to have a baby? How do I convay my feelings on a subject so close to my heart, I cry whenever I try to talk about it?

It isn't that I want him to agree to have a baby because I want one. I want him to want us to have a baby because HE wants to. I don't think I'm being clear. Anyone go through this? What was the solution? How do I deal with this. We aren't going to separate or anything, so no nee to suggest that.

Answer 1

I know people who gone through divorce cause of this problems.

Now they are the happiest people I know because each both got what they want.

You knew from the start he didn't want children and you did. You know there was no compatibility there.

It will just tear you apart.

Answer 2

Hi there.  Reading your post I have two thoughts.  One is- he's a man and you're a woman, so even if you could explain in words why you want a child so badly, I don't think he'll ever truly understand because he's not a woman.  I'm NOT man-bashing, I'm happily married to a wonderful man, it's just different for women because pregnancy and having a child is an extension of our own bodies whereas guys don't feel the baby kick, they don't feel the labor pains, they don't feel the pure joy that comes with pregnancy.  So I wouldn't worry so much about explaining your feelings in detail, if you cry whenever you try and talk about it, that should be enough to convey to him how dear and close to your heart the issue is.  It would be like trying to explain why you love him so much, sometimes there's just no words to describe it.  

Second, is it that he just doesn't like kids or could it be that the thought of having kids just scares him to death and that fear is manifesting itself as a "dislike"?  I've experienced a lot of guys that are terrified of having kids because that means there's another person that they feel they have to provide for and protect and that's a lot of pressure (believe me, I know this from experience, not only in my own life, but with friends as well).  You see a beautiful little face beaming up at you from a blanket, he sees the thousands of dollars spent on diapers and food and bottles and furniture.....  I know for a fact my own husband wants kids, but the thought of having them, even after 2 years of marriage and him having a good job, makes him break out into a cold sweat!  I just heard one of our good friends say the other day (he's a man) that once you have kids, that's when you really become an adult.  It's a ton of responsibility, but so worth it!  

I think this is a hard issue that's not going to work itself out quickly, but I think complete honesty both with yourselves and with each other is going to be the solution.  Also, I've found I get a lot farther with my husband if I'm not angry or sad but I'm able to talk about an issue calmly and with kindness.  Marriage, and I know you know this, is all about compromise.  Don't worry, I've seen even the toughest of men who swear they'll never get married, much less have kids, turn into big teddy bears with adoring wives and 3 little ones running around and they love it.

Hope this helps somehow!

Answer 3

well...he doesnt want one, the same way you cant explain why you want one so bad, he cant explain why he doesnt, thats why you should have similar life goals and plans before getting married. good luck but the more you force the issue the less likely he will be to change his mind

Answer 4

You might have to live child-free or divorce him. You KNEW he didn't want them and are now pressuring him. That's not right and you know it. You shouldn't force this on him, much less be trying to get him to want something you know he doesn't want. You are being clear. So is he. If a baby does come along, there's an excellent chance he'll hate you for it.

Answer 5

you can't get him to change his mind any more than he can get you to change yours

just every now and then bring it up and tell him how you feel

this will take time and lots of it im sure

EDIT:  what makes YOU the special one? (not trying to be mean) why can't you be sensitive to his feelings?