Wanting to adopt but dont know anything about it?

Question

My husband and I decided last year that we wanted to adopt we have a 3 yr old boy and we just feel we are not complete so we dont have any idea on how to get started so if you can help that would be wonderful

Answer 1

Some reading for you...

* "Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self" by Brodzinsky, Schecter, and Henig

* "Journey of the Adopted Self" by Betty Jean Lifton

* "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier

Answer 2

First off, adopting is not like having a child of your own.   The child you adopt will still have other parents, other connections out there.  Even with a "closed adoption" -- my son was abducted for a closed adoption and 20 years separation did not end my motherhood of him.  In fact, I adopted him back at his request.  Are you open to being two parents out of 4, even if you are the 2 "legal parents"?  

You may find that adoption expands your family by not just a child, but a second set of parents, future siblings born to them, and two extra sets of grandparents.  No, not in all circumstances, but a substantial percentage.

The only way to have a child of your own, solely your own, is to give birth to them. Otherwise there will likely be a mother out there who loves her child, grieves endlessly, and whose deepest desire would be to have her baby back.  Very few mothers actually do not want to keep their babies -- it is about 2% of babies surrendered for adoption -- the rest are mothers who felt they had no viable option but to surrender.  We wanted to keep our babies and the pain of separation is intense and overwhelming.  No less for mothers in international adoptions.  

The situation is far more complicated than just "completing" your family.   Is there a reason you cannot conceive a baby of your own?  

Answer 3

How is another child supposed to make you feel..complete.

I guess hoping that another women deprived of her child, will do the trick.

Get pregnant yourself. Child birth and labor is a breeze, remember.

Answer 4

Run away from this website. Lot of nastiness and anti - adoption people here from some members who will judge you for every word they deem as not "suitable". You will be on the edge with the attacks and wonder why you are getting flipped around with innocent use of some words.

Go to adoption specific website" www.resolve.org, www.ivf-connections.com, www.rubber-ducky.org were my fav on my path to adopting my baby.

Answer 5

Perhaps you didn't intend to word it that way, but expecting any child to "complete" you is a very heavy burden to place on a child, especially an adoptee who has to lose everything in order to join your family.

I would suggest starting with doing some research into the effects of adoption on adopted children; adoption starts with loss for a child, loss of a mother, a father, an entire family, and if adopted internationally, loss of an entire culture and heritage.  There is much grief to be processed (more or less, all adoptees feel this grief in varying degrees) and some adoptees can suffer from PTSD, have difficulty bonding, trust issues, etc.

Not to say that all adoptions are doomed to fail, on the contrary, with education and preparedness, they can and should be very successful.

Adoption should always be about giving a child a home, not about filling the needs of adults.  Good luck.

Answer 6

How dare someone say "depriving another mother of her child". Oh right, having them in an orphanage or bouncing around foster care is MUCH better. Get over yourself.

Answer 7

If you live in the US, there are alot of children that are already wards of the state, meaning their parents have given up custody of them, or custody was taken away from them because they are inadequate parents.  You should check with the state where you live, because it is different in each.   These kids need parents, and I would urge you to check this option out.  Don't listen to people who badmouth adoption......where are these children supposed to go?  Who's supposed to raise them if their birth parents wont or can't???  YOU!   You can check out various options through Lutheran Social services or Catholic Adoption Services. They should be able to stear you in the right direction.  

Answer 8

visit all your local adoption agencies open houses or information meetings; check their compliance review with the state, shop around; ask them how many adoptions they actually have... if they are hard to work with in the beginning keep looking...

stay far away from attachment therapy