Wanting to get pregnant. But have Alot of fears about my husband dying! SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY!?

Question

I've always had fears of my husband dying. I've gotten help from a professional to deal with this. Although I feel I’m better then I used to be, I still have these fears.

About a month ago we decided we wanted to start to plan for a child. Ever sense this conversation; I can't seem to shake the thoughts of him dying. I fear having resentment for my child if something where to happen to my husband. That may not seem rational to a lot of people but I’m worried I’d be so hurt by my husband’s death that I wouldn’t be able to provide for my child. I feel I would be a good mother, but I’m not willing to bring a child into the world if these fears are going to hinder me providing for the child.

I want a baby more then anything. I feel ready and I know my hubby is too. Will these fears go away? Do most women deal with some sort of fear? I need to know that I’m not alone in these fears? Anyone have any advice as to how to deal? Or if you’ve gone through a similar situation. Thanks

Answer 1

I think it's normal to think about and have this fear. If it's consuming you, you may want to get back into therapy.

You should also try to remember that obsessing over it and worrying over it won't make it less likely to happen. Enjoy your time together and live your life to the fullest!

Answer 2

I honestly have the same fear.  I freak out if he is even 10 minutes late and start making phone calls or driving the path she should be coming home in to make sure there are no accidents.  So your issues sound worse than normal, but you are a normal human being.

I always had the opposite thought from you about the baby though.  I feel sometimes like rushing to have a child in case he dies.  That way I will always have a part of him.  Good luck

Answer 3

I feel somewhat the same way, not completely, but I get scared some ramdon gang or someone might hurt or kill him on his way home, or when he goes to go get something at 711

We were threatened by a guy with a knife before... He's a security gaurd now... When you think your neighborhood is somewhat ok to walk to the store at night, it's really not but I still get scared something bad might happen to him and I don't want to be left alone with our baby, I know I'll get severely depressed if he left us

But I try to think of the brightside of things, you know

Answer 4

i have the same fear but not so intence. i'm now attending college b/c i'd rather be safe than sorry. and think of this, worse case senario, your husband dies (God forbid) and your all alone. wouldn't you want to have a child to carry on his memory? good luck!

Answer 5

all will seem ok once the light of your life is born (:

dont worry im sure theres plenty of women in your position.

good luck x

Answer 6

i think everyone has irrational fears sometimes. this one is just one of many. you have to think about it differently. wouldn't you want something to remember him by if he did die? i would. i would have rather expirenced him with his child and the memories that would provide instead of falling back on a fear that might never happen. you could live to regret not making the choice to have a baby if something did happen. a child would be the best thing. think of all the wives who lost their husbands in the war. i am positve that not one of those women regret having children!! it is good you have gotten help, some fears just aren't as strong as others, but this one is controlling your chance at a happy fufilled life. don't let your fears cheat you of that chance!!! good luck!!!

Answer 7

Perhaps you should talk to your therapist about this and gain some better insight into your feelings.

Have you talked about adoption? Maybe you would have less resentment and pain if you adopted a child that was not of him. You would still have all those amazing, wonderful memories, moments, and events to look forward to and experience in parenthood.

Answer 8

Hello! =)

I think before you guys start trying for a little one you should really go back and talk to someone about your fears. I can understand how you would feel that you wouldn't be able to provide for your child if something like that were to happen (God forbid). Is hubby aware of these fears? What has he said about it? You will be fine... Just talk it out and I strongly suggest that you sort through this before trying to have a baby. Im sure you'll be fine and you guys are going to have a beautiful baby when the times right.  Many blessings.....

Answer 9

The thought of my husband dying completely freaks me out. I too worry that he will get into a car accident or something. It would help if he would call when he is going to be late, or at least answer his cellphone.

We have a 3 year old daughter. The thought of him dying and leaving her with out a father is enough to make me want to cry. However I would hope that I could just suck it up and be there for her if anything happenned to him.

Answer 10

I used to have irrational fears, you say you have had help with this, but not enough by the sound of it. Having a baby made me worse due to all the stress. You need to properly deal with these issues before you start a family. There are obviously deep underlying issues and reasons why you have irrational fears. There could be a higher chance of post natal depression too. There are many forums for mental health issues and they are very supportive. There you will find other people going through similar to you as I have heard of this exact fear before on a forum. They maybe able to share having a baby when experiencing irrational fear. I hope this has helped. Take care.

Answer 11

I understand how you feel, but you need to talk to your husband about this. I have had the same fears. I almost lost my husband when he was struck by an SUV, but you can not put your family life on hold for the WHAT IFS that might happen through life. Only God knows our future. Do you not drive to work in fear of getting an accident? A lot of families start an egg nest of money when they have a baby in case of accident and also a lot of people have life insurance to insure if they die their family would be taken care of. I think that would help put your mind at ease having security if something did happen.

Answer 12

Hi there. Is there any reason that your husband would die such as cancer? Or are these fears unfounded? Good for you for seeing a professional.

As a mother, I'll let you know that while your husband is extremely important to you, you'll love your kids even more. It's just indescribable. If you and your husband are ready, you shouldn't let your fears hold you back. Every mom-to-be has fears, maybe not so strong as yours, but we all worry if we'll be a good mother etc. You wouldn't resent your child, he or she would be your support and you would be his/hers. If you're so worried about being able to provide financially, get life insurance. Try not to think such morbid thoughts!

Answer 13

Hi, my husband is 22 years older than me and works as a skydiver. I know I will most likely outlive him and it does break my heart every time I think of it, but what will be, will be.

You cannot live your life on 'what ifs' Grab life by the horns and have your baby (or three!)