Wanting to split up with my husband(not divorce... yet)?

Question

My husband is very controlling if i don't answer his calls when he calls my phone he takes off work and comes looking for me he hunts all over town and when he finds me or i call him back I get cussed at because i didn't answer his call... and most of the time i am busy with the kids when i don't answer. I go walking 3 times a week and when i go i get bitched out because i go from 9pm to 10:30 pm he says that is too late for me to be walking. he pretty much treats me like i am his daughter. He don't like for me to have a job. ( i don't necessarily need a job but i would like to have one. It makes me feel like i don't have to rely on him 24 7 for money) If i split up with him just to see if that would make him change would i have custody of my kids or would he get to keep them while we were split up. Do i need to take legal action to be able to have my kids during the seperation? Im from texas if that helps any with the laws. Any information would be helpful.

Answer 1

Divorce, something people ask why it's so expensive.

If they only knew, why. Because it's worth it! haha.

In your situation about he takes off work to hunt you,

maybe he's the one fuzzing around, worrying that you might be doing it as well.. I know you've probably heard this but, how about some counseling? :) you never know till you try! :)

Answer 2

I don't agree with splitting up unless it is for good. If he does change it is only going to be for a little while. He is controlling because he is insecure and insecurity can come from him cheating. You should start standing up to him. It is obvious he isn't to controlling if you're out walking at 10 at night which by the way is dangerous. You two need to seek marriage counseling. Put your foot down and maybe he will calm down. Splitting up usually brings a third party in. Not a good idea.

Answer 3

Your husband is exhibiting behavior associated with obsession relational progression (look it up on wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive_l...

This could potentially lead to dangerous results for you and your kids.

Seek the help of counselors and women's support groups like WEAVE (Women escaping a violent environment). Get help now before you really need it.

Answer 4

Well it depends. You obviously would have to go to court, but before divorce might I suggest counseling for your marriage. Divorce puts a lot of pressure on the children that is harmful for them growing up. He sounds like a control freak and if counseling doesn't help, then that marriage must end, because sometimes control freaks get to the point of using physical abuse. Be careful. And also remember to not give him the attention he wants, say I'm fine. I'm sorry that you took it as a big deal, I couldn't grab the phone it time. I called you back as soon as I could. Okay? And he might be upset, but he has to deal with it if he wants your relationship. I think he's afraid that you'll cheat on him or something. I believe he might have low self esteem, so always go the extra mile in the morning to make him feel loved. Hope this helps!

Answer 5

Honey....He doesn't have any power over you that you haven't allowed him to have.   He treats you like a child because your behavior has been that of a child.   If he calls and then comes to you to cuss you out - you politely say to him.   I can see that you are angry right now and I will not be a part of this kind of conversation.  I would like to talk when we both can be reasonable so I will see you after work.  Then go about your business.   An arguement cannot happen without your participation.  You will have to get a back bone on this.   If you go walking at night....tell him that you are going walking and will be back in an hour...and leave it at that.  There is no need to engage him.   Just do your thing and avoid any abusive behavior.   If he gets violent - get out but we teach people how to treat us.   You have accepted this from him so therefore he thinks it is perfectly ok for him to be this way.   Change yourself and then you will notice a change in him.

*** Watch the movie fried green tomatoes.

Kathy Bates character was with a controlling abusive man.   When she didn't let his verbal outbursts get to her anymore and she started living for herself instead of for him...he respected her.   She cooked for him and did all the normal things a wife does but she no longer waited around for him to be her all and everything.   She got out there...got a life and changed herself.   The changes that she made within herself changed the relationship and helped her husband realize the woman he was missing.   Change YOU in order to inspiire change in others.