Was I dissed this morning? Do people ever smirk behind your back and how do you deal?

Question

This morning I went to the fruit market and said good morning to a male worker who was looking straight at me (& has been friendly to me in the past). He said hello in return. I kept walking and choosing produce and noticed another worker nearby (woman, Mexican, perhaps the wife of the one who said hi) smirk at me. She also answered me rudely once and never greets me when I enter the store, yet is friendly to others. I mention ethnicity because I am half-Hispanic myself and wonder if perhaps she thinks I am uppity because I speak English solely and carry myself in a refined manner. I was so pissed that she smirked! I don't know why. It was almost as if she and the other workers present (also a woman in charge did not say anything) may have talked about me behind my back? I have been coming here for over 16 years! I find some of them narrow-minded and rude. This one lady (I think the manager) basically accused me of stealing last year.

Answer 1

you have two choices:

1) attempt to deal with it, perhaps talk to the store manager or even confront the employees

or

2) just let it go and don't let it affect you.

so it's really a matter of how much do these people and their actions mean to you?  is it really worth the effort of a confrontation or can you go on living your life without having a resolution.  

i, personally, would not let these people and whatever their issues are in their childish and cowardly lives affect me.

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yes this type of thing has happened to me. and my instant reaction is to become livid.  i've done both, i've reacted and i've let it pass.  and trust me, letting it pass had a much better outcome then when i reacted.  these other posters are right. do not give them the power or satisfaction of getting to you.  you may never know what their problem is, but then you shouldn't really care.

if it was someone you knew really well and knew you, then it's surely of interest to know what their opinions are.  but these people don't know you.  they've made some prejudgment against you for whatever reason.  and that is THEIR problem, not yours.

i know it's bothering you, but you'll find over time that it really doesn't matter.  good luck!

Answer 2

By getting pissed, you give HER the power.  Walk in like you own the joint, where sunglasses if you must, get what you need and get on out of Dodge.  Don't even notice the help: they are insignificant as far as you are concerned.

However, if you insist on using this store, and you still get the business, upon paying for your purchases, ask to speak to the manager.

As for accusing you of stealing, the burden of proof is in her court.  She could in theory be libeling and defaming you.  

Remember: don't give her the power, and remember, she probably yields little power, anyway.

Answer 3

Yes, people have smirked behind my back plenty -- and it used to hurt my feelings terribly.

I don't know what happened along the way - maybe I developed thick skin, maybe just getting older helped, maybe after taking it for so long, I just don't care anymore.  I don't know, but finally it doesn't bother me.  

Plus, I realized that many times people act like this because they feel inferior and are trying to make the others feel MORE inferior, and guess what?  THAT'S THEIR PROBLEM -- not MINE, and not YOURS.  Try laughing next time -- just to see what happens. Not so much a laugh AT them, but just a laugh "that life can be so strange".  I bet you will be mighty surprised at their attitude and reaction.

Answer 4

I think, based on previous customer service experience, that it may be something you are doing that is making them smirk knowingly. You say you've been there for 16 years so you are bound to be known to them.

I used to find I'd put my hand out to take the money but customers would have a annoying habit of putting coins down onto a smooth flat surface instead of into my hand. It made me mad at the time but it was common, so people must not have realized.This meant one-by-one I had to try and pick them up etc. You could be doing something really annoying or coming across rudely without knowing it.

As for getting people fired, that's ridiculous. You do sound hot-headed so if you're storming back to the store with receipts like that or doing other things on a regular basis, you will be remembered and not thought kindly on - no matter how nice people are to your face.

Edit: Violet, the first answer talks about getting people fired. I wasn't even talking to you I was commenting on this opinion. You really ARE a hot-head, no wonder they're smirking at you. Probably waiting for what you'll do next!

Answer 5

Just shake your head and say "malcriados"  

["you were obviously not raised with manners"]

EVERY Spanish speaking person knows what this means!

Answer 6

Whoa. Talk about weird. Try to get her fired. Talk to the manager. She shouldn't be allowed to make a customer feel unwanted. That's violating your rights.

Answer 7

ignore them. let them be little themselves and reflect themselves in a rude way. if it makes you feel better, walk in with sunglasses and so you don't look at them and smile/smirk when they walk by-they'll be puzzled!. they are the problem and don't let them get to you cause they want to and they are from what you are saying here.

Answer 8

You could chose to shop elsewhere.  Do you know who the owner is? I am sure the owner expects their help to treat all customers decently -- afterall customers are their business.

Perhaps you could ask to speak to the manager if they have one, or directly to the owner, tell him/her that you've shopped there for years and would like to continue doing so, but their help is treating you poorly and you don't think you deserve such treatment.  Tell he/she you will take your hard earned money elsewhere.

That's about all you can do if you chose to do anything.  If you don't want to do this or don't get sufficient satisfaction your other choices are to not go there or just ignore the idiots.

We can't control what others may think or say about us and we will always find self appointed critics or people who are just hateful.

The most important thing to remember is that by allowing them to occupy your brain space and allowing their behavior to stress you, they have won their petty battle.  Those types of people don't deserve that kind of power and have no right to keep you or I down unless we give it to them.