Was I in the wrong in this case?

Question

Yesterday, I took a bus to a bookstore to return some books. I disembarked from the front door while a girl disembarked from the rear one. She later chided me saying: "Didn't your mama ever teach you some manners? I was carrying this backpack and you didn't help me at all!". So I was like >:-/, her bag wasn't even bigger than mine and it didn't look quite as heavy either. She was actually expecting me to help her when I myself was carrying several tomes of textbooks. It's not like she's carrying gold bars or something. I went away really pissed off. Honestly, I don't see how or why in any way that I'm wrong. Perhaps this is some "American thing" that a foreigner like me is ignorant of? If so, please tell me because I wouldn't want a repeat of this in future.

Answer 1

Actually, in the U.S., it is common culture to be very independent, and not give one look as to what others are doing. Also, helping a girl simply because she's a girl, that can even be considered discriminatory. You were not wrong in any way.

Answer 2

I don't know what planet she's from, but it ain't this one!  You were nt obligated to help her carry anything.  You weren't even anywhere near her, as you got off the bus using a different door.  Ignore her weirdness and please don't judge all Americans by her.

Answer 3

nah, not if you had a lot fo stuff to carry also.

Answer 4

No you were not doing anything wrong.  First of all, you are a stranger.  If you were a good samaritan and helped her, this would have been your decision to do so.  Nobody can force you to be a good samaritan.  She was giving you attitude because she probably wanted to yell at someone and she thought she could get away with it by doing this at you.  You shouldnt feel bad at all.  She was the one being ridiculous for asking help so rudely to someone she doesnt even know.  Dont be so nice around people like this.  They will run over you.

Please stop thinking that you dont know anything just because you are a foreigner.  You do have common sense dont you!?!???  You help someone if you want to and that is good of you but when you dont want to help someone for something like this it doesnt make you a bad person.  Stop being so naive.  People like that are just being rude.  Who are they to expect help from complete strangers?!??!

Answer 5

No you weren't wrong...

Answer 6

no you didn't have to help her.

Answer 7

my son would have offered to help if he had a free hand..because I taught him that is the polite thing to do.  I don't think the girl who chided you was very polite though because it is an OFFER for help, not a requirement.

Answer 8

if your from another country i think she was being ingorant by trying to take advantage of you and get you to carry her books , but personally i don't think you were wrong, i think she was wrong for trying to make u carry her books as if she was carrying something she couldn't carry, it kinda sounds like she was being lazy. but i dont think you were wrong at all i think she owed you an apology for coming at you like that, she could've just kept it to herself and walked away, like when i hold the door for people to walk in or walk out they dont say thanks i dont come at them with a attitude saying "shouldn't you have said thanks cause i held door opened for you, who taught you manners?!" thats just inpolite.

Answer 9

You did nothing wrong.  She was the one with no manners.

Answer 10

You weren't at all wrong. Sounds like she thinks she's entitled!

Women's liberation, remember? Women HAVE to do things themselves. Had you not been carrying anything, and if she had a load or dropped something, I know you would have helped her out, but it's not up to you to take over for her.

This isn't an American thing at all. You weren't even at the same door, for goodness sake. Hang in there.

Answer 11

sounds like to me that she was just being ignorant. I dont think you were at fault at all!! I am a woman and I dont expect anyone to go out of their way to open a door for me, unless they are going out the same door infront of me and just let it go in my face, that wouldnt be cool but I dont think you did anything wrong

Answer 12

I offer a different answer from everyone else.  She clearly liked you and this was her way of flirting!  This had to be it.  

I mean - look, there's old ideas about chivalry, sure - but American girls really don't EXPECT things like this.  Certainly, it makes little sense for her to complain after-the-fact.  Nowadays, people are pretty scared of strangers.  

Think about it: if you looked weird, or mean, or someone repulsive, THERE IS NO WAY she would have said anything.  

Which at least means she was not scared to speak up.  As for motive, I think wanting to start a conversation was more likely than wanting to complain.  It was at least partially playful, and I think you should take away the positive things from this experience, because they far outweigh any of the negatives - even if the girl partially complained out of negative frustrations at the time, you know that she found you approachable and was fully confident that you would not get mad and hit her.

In other words: next time, you may want to help--but do not feel that you are obligated to.  Helping out like this is just a romantic way of meeting people in a world that has largely shifted to online romances and strip clubs.

Best of luck!