Was I molested? Should I confront family member?

Question

I had a pretty good childhood. My parents were married up until age 17 and I have a great relationship with both mom and dad and my siblings. I have a large extended family who I do not get to see too often.

Last month, my family flew to Boston for a family reunion and I saw alot of family I had not seen in years. One person in particular gave me an anxiety attack and is causing me to have really weird visions that I am not sure are memories. (I hope this makes sense.)

This second cousin of mine is about 20 years older than me and when I was 4 he came to stay with us one summer. I barely remember anything about the visit but when I saw him last month (after not seeing him for almost 15 years), I got the creeps. Little visions have been flashing in my mind and I keep seeing him in my bed as a child, and I have an image of him holding my nightgown while I was in bed lying down.

This is making me sick. I can not shake these images of him. They are pretty vivid and disturbing.

Did I make this up? Should I talk to my parents? Should I talk to him? I am not a child anymore, but if something happened, is there anything I should do?

PS:He has two little daughters (2 and 6). He is not married anymore, but the girls stay with him every other weekend. Should I talk to the ex wife?

Answer 1

Sometimes we make ourselves forget bad things that happen to us. Maybe that is what you did. The last thing you want to do is accuse someone of being a pedophile when it is possible that nothing happened.

Since you are an adult, go see a counselor first. Then, when you have a better idea or more information, talk to your parents. Let them know that you are not positive but that you have had these images or "memories" pop up like this.

It is normal for us to have strange dreams about random people in our lives. But because he was NOT a big part of your life, makes me think that this probably did happen.

I am so sorry, I hope that you are able to find peace in this.  

Answer 2

talk to him.

and a conselur.

first the consuler and then bring him in

if he doesnt deny it or  your guidance consuler has any notes on him and it being true then talk to the ex wife asap

Answer 3

Thats tough, maybe you should talk to someone first who is qualified to get into your mind that long ago. Chances are, if you think this way of him, it may have happened. I'm sorry.

Answer 4

Talk to a counselor. They might be able to clarify these things, and get you to expand on what happened. If these are true memories, which it sounds like they might be, definitely seeing a counselor will help you deal with it, and I would seriously consider talking to someone in your family that you can trust, possibly telling the ex-wife of your cousin. You don't want those little girls to get hurt, but you want to make sure you're remembering correctly before you cry "Pedophile!"

Answer 5

thats very odd. and no since you say they are vivid and they have just started showing up then they are probably true. your brain wouldnt just start making stuff up. seeing him again probably spaked that innciedent in  your brain and now its all it can think about until you do somethig about it. for now i wouldnt go anywhere near him. like when you go to family things just stay near your mom, dad, or siblings. dont be alone that way you are always safe. as for talking to somebody i wouldnt talk to his ex wife that could start alot of unwanted drama and turn really bad. i would talk to your mom and dad. or just mom. whichever one you feel most comfortable. it deosnt really matter. or if you have older siblings you can talk to them too but i would go to your paretns  its not good to keep a secret like this. its dangerous for you and your health. after you talk to them ask them to go with you to see a pshyciatrist. a doctor. someone you can talk to you and help sort out your feelings. good luck and i hope this helps!!! stay away from that man you dont want to get hurt again. something like this can affect you and bother you for the rest of your life if you dont get help or do something about it. wish you the best!! :)

Answer 6

if it is making you feel very disturbed you should go and see someone whom you can express your feelings to. This could be great because that someone can maybe understand you

Answer 7

I think you should really discuss this with your parents and see what they say.

Answer 8

That is a big accusation, and you could permanently damage someone if you are wrong. This is something that I would think of going to a doctor for. If you are right, then yes, the daughters need to be protected, but if you are wrong, you could put an innocent man's life is jeopardy.

Answer 9

I think you should talk to your parents about it first... They may have some more information than you can remember.  And if they don't, you should maybe see a therapist.  They might be able to help you sort out your thoughts and figure out where the "visions" are coming from.  If they are grounded in some truth, I doubt your cousin would fess up to it... but you could always ask anyway.  Sometimes a person may not admit to something with their words but you can tell by their tone, body language, facial expressions, etc. if they are lying.

Answer 10

You need to sit down and talk to your parents. You need to ask them about the summer he came to visit.  I would not talk to his ex wife!!  Talk to your parents and see what they tell you and take it from there.  

Answer 11

You should see a counselor with experience in this area, and choose one with hypnotherapy training so you can be regressed, if needed.

You may want to level completely with your parents, if you think they can handle it.  At this point, you're exploring the possibility in innocence, and simply want to get at the truth.  Your parents may remember things about him that you don't as well.  If you think your parents would be angry with you, or unsupportive, then I would simply do your own legwork to find a competent therapist, then just begin work with the therapist, telling your parents you've been having some personal problems, anxiety, depression, nightmares, something like that.

What to do next, who to tell, what to say, will then be guided by your work in therapy.

Answer 12

do NOT talk to his ex-wife

thats like bringing her to ur problem and that is counted like enlarging the problem u have

just talk to ur parents , ur mom first of course

and when u meet the guy try avoiding eye contact or even meeting him if u dont feel comfortable around him

Answer 13

You really need to be 100% sure before you make accusations, and certainly at this point you don't have enough to go to hs  ex wife.  Yes talk to your parents, maybe something happened, but maybe nothing did.