Was I really wrong to not want an expensive gift destroyed?

Question

Ok, here is what happened. I went to a wedding shower. One of the guests brought her 12-year-old retarded daughter. The girl ran up to the gifts, and started tearing all of them open, then throwing them to the side. When someone told the mother, and told her that she should stop her daughter from doing this, the mother replied that her daughter would "become agitated" and then said people "need to be more tolerant". I saw the brat go for my gift, which was very expensive and very breakable, so I went up and took it from her and brought it back to my table. Just like the mother said, this caused the brat to go berserk, she threw herself down and started screaming. The mother finally calmed her down by promising her McDonald's. Then she acted like I was at fault, even after I explained I paid a lot of money for my gift, and did not want it destroyed. She then left with her daughter, saying that her daughter will be around a lot, she is bringing her everywhere, so people better just get used to it. Now, aside from the fact that the brat CAN behave (since she did once she was promised McDonald's) was it really wrong for me to not allow her to destroy my gift?

Answer 1

The mom definitely shouldn't let her kid be ripping open people's wedding gifts, that's for sure. Even if she is handicapped.

But you sound like you have an attitude problem. The "brat"? Grow up maybe.

Answer 2

Defiantly not your fault. The End :]

Answer 3

Somebody needs to take that mother aside and tell her that just because her daughter is retarded doesn.t mean that child can act whatever way she wants . I have worked in health care quite a few years and dealt with developmently impared children and adults & they need stucture and discipline like anyone else . This child is working her mom to get a reward for being bad. I dont think you where wrong at all to save your gift from being destroyed

Answer 4

Nope, you were not wrong.  The mother sounds like she is not that smart herself, if she thinks that everyone should accept her child being a brat.  I have a nephew who is retarded, and he would never be allowed to get away with anything like that.

Answer 5

Wow....I don't think your wrong at all...in fact I want to know what the he** is wrong with the mother? Where was the bride to be and did she speak to the childs mother? Kids should be taught boundaries,period. Obviously the child knew right from wrong when after being offered McDonald's she stopped what she was doing. If it were me,I would have been extremely offended at the fact I just spent my hard earned money on a thoughtful gift for someone and they let their brat destroy it like it was a useless piece of junk. If it were me I would've grabbed the gift also. You did the right thing!    

Answer 6

You are not at fault; the idiot mother is.

It is certainly not the girl's fault that she has a mental disability, but that is not an excuse for uncivilized behavior.  Was the mother planning on replacing anything that her daughter damaged?  I think not.

The shower is supposed to be in honor of the bride to be, and it should be as stress free as possible.  It is not an occasion for an ill behaved brat to damage things. Whoever hosted the shower paid a lot of money to put it on, and they deserve respect.

Far too many people with disabled children act as if it is the fault of the rest of the world and everyone else owes them a living.  Definitely not the case!!!

Answer 7

The mother needs to control the child better.  Clearly, the child can behave, and should be made to do so.

If you encounter this pair in the future, don't let the brat destroy anything else of yours, either.

Answer 8

That mother really ought to have child services take her child away from her. I know the daughter doesn't seem to have much self control (although the fact that she behaved when promised mcdonalds makes me wonder if the child is more coherent than previously thought), but that gives no excuse to the mother to just let the child do what she wants. Say the child decided she'd like to run into the middle of a busy street, and the mother didn't want to say no because the child would throw a tantrum. BAM. Road pizza. Mollifying her child is probably the worst thing she could do because many children with mental disabilities can be taught successfully to act like a functioning member of society. With the mother treating her like that, there is no possibility of her showing any improvement and living in an environment like that can actually be damaging.

Now, to answer your question- you were completely right in not letting her destroy your gift. I'm shocked nobody else sprang to your side. That poor bride and groom probably have a lot of damaged gifts now that they can't do anything with. :(

Answer 9

I can understand how you feel. I think the mother should have taking more responsibility or stayed at home with her. That was disrespectful & inconsiderate for her to not think about all the time & effort put into the gifts. I her daughter is mentally disabled then I guess that would probably make it hard on the mom & maybe she's doing the best that she can. If it was me I probably wouldn't have taken the gift from her or would have said, "Oh, sweetie, this is very special & I'm going to keep it with me." However, if she broke it I would have expected the mother to pay for it. I don't think you should feel too bad over this one. She is not your daughter & you have no responsibility to her. It's the mother's job to keep her under control or at home!

Answer 10

No, you where in the right.  The mother is responsible for watching her child and making sure that the behavior is not out of control. I feel sorry for the bride-to-be.

Answer 11

well here is my opinion

since the daughter was mentally challenged

you should have had more compassion towards the situation

but on the other hand the mother should have took charge of the situation, if i had a daughter that was mentally challenged i would have took her somewhere else, the mothers behaveour was wrong she shouldnt have allowed her child to throw the gifts to the side, but you could have handled this better, and if you feel guilty about this i would try to apologize for your behaviour.

Answer 12

Lucy is absolutely right - just because a child has special needs does not excuse them from behaving (or for the parent to discipline them).

I think you probably spoke for a lot of people at the shower, who were probably just as aghast as you were for the girl's behavior.

People who have special needs kids do have more of a challenge, and I think everyone is willing to be a bit more flexible for special needs kids.  But there's no excuse for a parent whose kid is acting like a brat - and their using mental retardation as an excuse is just bad parenting on their part.

Hope this helps - Julie

Answer 13

You are not at fault.  The mother is.

I work with people with disabilities and that is not the way most of them behavior.  The mother tolerates it and that is why the daughter acted that way.  The child should have been taken out of the shower.  It is in the hostess's right to ask for the child to leave.  A child shouldn't be at a wedding shower anyway.

Answer 14

i think you were right to do that. it's your gift. i would have done exactly the same thing as you.  That mother needs to realize that she can't keep babying her kid and needs to learn how to be socially appropriate.  I am sure the other guests were kicking themselves for not protecting their gifts when they saw you do it and i am sure they all think you were in the right too.  Some people (that lady) think they are the only ones in the world and are entitled to do whatever they want and let their kids act however they want without disaplining them.

don't worry about that lady and ask the bride-to-be if she is ok with you doing that..

Answer 15

No, you were not wrong.  Retarded children can learn how to act, just as a 3-yr-old can.  Bribes & excusing the daughter aren't the way to do it.  If professionals can't help the mother learn how to handle her daughter, then she should have a sitter or trade baby sitting with other parents of retarded children.  I'm sure it must be difficult for the mother, but there are some social situations when she should stay home if she can't get a sitter.

Of course, you can't tell the mother how to raise the child or she will resent it.  You did have a way, though, keeping the gift with you & letting the mother know why.  Alternatively, you would have had to have gone home with your gift & to have given it at another time.  

Answer 16

it is hard to say because i don't know how bad the girls handicap is. In my opinion though the mother should have more control of her daughter (most can be taught how to act if the efort is put into it) or not bring her to events like that. you were right about trying to protect the gifts but it might have been handled better by both you and the mother.