Was I right to tell my boy to stand up to a bully in school?

Question

My son was expelled from school for a week because he stood up to a bully.

He is 10 years old and has been verbally and physically abused by a bully.

So I told him to do what my dad taught me when I was bullied.

I taught my son a "tripping" technique and told him to sneak up behind the bully when no one is around, take him to the ground and start pounding him as hard as he could.

He was victorious and I don't think this bully or any other bully will ever bother my son.

However, the school found out and now he will be expelled.

My wife is furious with me but I think it was worth it. It is a good life lesson for him to learn just like I learned it when I was his age.

He is an exellent straight A student so he'll succeed despite this stupid 1 week suspension.

Answer 1

I agree with the Premise...but not the Technique...attacking from behind is never the way to handle this situation...you should have had your son stand up man to man and mano a mano..this way the Bully would know in no uncertain terms your son would stand his ground even face to face...I as a mom have always told my kids never to START a fight but they sure better finish it...even if that means being expelled...kids do have to protect themselves now days and it is better to let everyone know they won't take any bullying non-sense early on.

Answer 2

the idea of teaching your son to defend himself and take initiative to stop the bullying was a good concept.....until you told him to do it before the bully started in on him again. that can be viewed as assault. there's no way for him to say he was defending himself when, at the time, the bully wasnt bothering him. however, i think it's important for kids to learn to stand up to bullies. if necessary, fight back. violence isnt a good choice, but sometimes it's the only thing that will make someone back off. you cant always "just tell a teacher". sometimes kids will be victimized more for getting the bully in trouble. besides, you shouldnt send your child out into the world thinking that if someone's bigger than them they should allow themselves to be victimized, or wait for someone else to stand up for them.

on the other hand, fighting back can just make things escalate, and the child defending themselves could be injured far more seriously than was originally intended. but...i think that's a risk they have to take.

if a child's safety is at risk, telling the bully off or trying to reason with them isnt going to work. walking away might not deter them either. they'll have to fight.

and believe me, the sh*t hits the fan after someone assaults my kid (hopefully it never happens though)

Answer 3

I can tell that you are proud of your son.

One of the things you could have done is tell the school about the bullying and give them a written note documenting that you are giving your child the right to defend himself, if he is attacked by a bully and nothing is done to prevent the bully from hurting your son. This way they have documentation of what has happened to your son and the efforts made to resolve the situation.

The school should have done something about the bullying. Students can be charged with a misdemeanor for bullying by the resource officer in the school. Sounds harsh, but it can keep bullies at bay especially when they are taken away from enjoying a holiday like Christmas.

If you had done all of this already and nothing was done about it, I would change schools and find a school, who would expel bullies or have them charged with criminal offenses.

Answer 4

In my opinion? d**n straight. If you hadn't had him stood up to the bully, he may have been abused for a long time, Standing up to him does not necessarily  mean beating his brains out however, you may have wanted to talk to the bully's parents before anything.

Answer 5

umm, that was really dumb to tell ur son that physical stuff was the best thing to do, like really, how retarded are you? but you need to tell the school that YOU told him that u wanted him to do that, because they are blaming it on him, and u deserve to be blame. and to hurt the bully back, well, thats just making you and your son just as bad as the bully. have a good life, you terrorist.

Answer 6

This too shall pass...but your son will no longer be bullied. I agree with your strategy, dad.

Answer 7

I think it was the right choice. A bully can be crushing to a child. This victory will do wonders for your son's self-esteem for years to come. A week to cool off isn't that bad for him.

I like nice, classic parenting. None of the crazy 'Understand the bully's feelings' or 'Talk to the faculty'.

Answer 8

I totally agree with what you did.  Don't worry about the 1-week suspension from school.  That's such a small thing in the big picture of your son's entire life.  The school knows he's a good kid; they just have to enforce the rules to set an example.  Good for you for standing behind your son like that!  And good for your son for standing up to a bully!  Yay!

Answer 9

my husband taught our daughter something alongs those lines.

I don't mind. She needs to be a strong, independent person, who can handle herself.

So, no i don't think teaching your son that was wrong. Noone will mess with him again, therefore it won't happen again, right?

Answer 10

PomPom,

You did exactly what my dad taught me, and what I taught my sons.

However, I am going to say you weren't right.

For one thing you taught your son to violate school policies which caused him to be expelled. Another problem is that it caused your wife to be furious with you.

I'm glad the bully got his tail kicked, but your son was suspended, and your wife is siding with the school.

If this was in your neighborhood and the school wasn't involved I'd be saying, "Way to go, Dad!!"

"Ranger"

Answer 11

I'm glad your son stood up for himself - I guess now a days they would rather you talk to the teachers or principle and get it fixed that way. What does your son think about this? Is he upset that he'll be suspended or is he proud of himself that he stood up for himself?

Answer 12

You are a kickass dad!! : 0 ) Good for you and good for your son.

Answer 13

well i think it's good that you told your son to stand up to a bully, i think that beating the living S**t out of the bully wasn't the best solution, but hey no one will ever mess with him again.

Answer 14

yes you were right for telling him to stand up to a bully.

Answer 15

Yes you were, it hurts so much that you can't just grad that bully and knock some sense into that kid and his parents. Your son must stand up for himself or he will continue to be an easy target.

Answer 16

well done son don't be afraid of c**p from bullies

Answer 17

although i would have handled the situation differently myself, something had to be done.

so bravo

Answer 18

So your son acted like a bully?  I do understand you wanting your son to defend himself, but that act was not done in self-defense.  You would have been better off encouraging him to stand his ground the next time the bully tried to pick on him.  Bullies tend to pick on kids that they consider defenseless and if you had taught your son the proper way to stand up to him, that could have solved the problem without getting your son expelled from school.  I have boys and my oldest is 13.  I would never tell him to stand there and let someone hit him without doing whatever he needed to do to stop it.  If that means he gets physical, then he gets physical and I would defend him to no end if he were to be punished by the school.  I understand your wife's concerns and I understand what you were trying to do, but I think you could have handled it in a different way.

Answer 19

you taught your son how to lose.  in the future, remember that most schools have a no tolerance rule (or law) about bullying.

Answer 20

Yes you were right and as a mother I can understand your wives concerns. You can't allow someone to bully you though. Schools have strict rules on bullying and I am surprised that they are dealing with a straight A student in this manner. If it happened on the school grounds they have a right to intercede, off campus they need to stay out of it.

Good luck to your son and I sincerely hope this puts a stop to any further bullying.

Answer 21

never teach your son to go beat up someone else. instead you should have told your son to be the bigger person and ignore the bully AND report the bully everytime he causes abuse. but instead you only taught your son to sink to the bully's level and actually attack him. i can understand why your wife is mad. now your son has that big black spot his record.

yea in some ways is good to stick up for yourself but in school there is no such thing as defending yourself, becuase they will only get in trouble for it.