Was I wrong? What to do?

Question

My mom has rhematoid arthritis. She just retired b/c the doctor told her she doesn't have long to walk. Well, she can still walk fairly well. She had some sort of treatment to extend her time.

I usually get the clothes for her in the morning. She usually folds & picks the clothes for both of us. That's our system. That's been our system for years.

Well, she's retired & doesn't have to go anywhere. Neither of us of very social. I'm in college & Weds is my short day. I don't have to be to school until 11 today. This is the 2nd time she has awaken me. The first time I can't even remember why; the second time to get the clothes.

Okay, I'm a little grochy. I told my mom in a polite way we're going to have to figure out a new system.

I'm thinking maybe getting the clothes in the evening.

Answer 1

It may be that she is assuming you are now her carer, you sound very young to have such responsibilities. The more reliant she is on you the more dependent she will become and it sounds to me like you are just beginning to see that you are growing up and that you have options in life. I understand you love and care for your mum but if you are her single point of contact then love can wain and become strained to the point of resentment.

Yes I do suggest a new routine for the clothes and you have already thought this through by suggesting doing it at nighttime, discuss with mum. Communication is the key.

Your mum may be scared and not wish to have any extra help but the burden of care really can be a strain. A time will come when you do want to have fun with a few friends, go out the night, let your hair down, what then ? There is plenty of help out there and the sooner you face up to the inevitable changes the better for you both.

Local authorities have care workers whose job and duties entail many tasks. They help people maintain their independence in their own home by enabling them to do tasks eg, help in meal prep, showering, dressing, shopping, bill payment,safety getting to bed, prompting medication,It is an invaluable service and the added benefit is the company and support with back up. All care workers are trained.

You sound like a very caring person but your life is changing too and you have your whole future ahead.

Unfortunately I see far too many people wait far too long to get services in to help and they wait till they are in crisis, then expect things to be done the next day.

The clothes is the tip of the iceberg. I am glad you have written and I am sure that in doing so it will alleviate the pressure cooker effect.

Good Luck for both your futures.

  

Answer 2

She is your mom.. try doing something you haven't done.. Being Social!!!  

let her know how you feel right now why your frustrated. do it nicely!

and if you don't like doing things for her then as much as it hurts me to say this either 1 suck it up and help your mom or 2. hire extra help!

You don't always have to have a place to go when your awake!  Enjoy the time you have with her!

and do talk about a new system to help her and help you!

I will say its not fun!  but it's a nother reality in life!

Answer 3

Sorry to have to say this but I think your mum has the bigger problem.

R.A.sufferers go through much pain and discomfort.

She has more reason to be grouchy than you.

Put a smile on your face-help get the jobs done and then get yourself some outside interests which will make your getting up early even more worthwhile.Oh-and give mum a hug and tell her that if she's not happy with her doctor's prognosis-i.e.that she will likely find herself unable to walk-to get a second opinion.There are many treatments for RA and some work better with certain patients than others and again are better tolerated with fewer side effects.

Answer 4

Now can you imagine those nights when you cried and were so young as a baby, and your mum would have to wake up from her sleep to comfort you and tuck you back to sleep? And I'm pretty sure most of those nights for infant crying were like between 2 - 4 a.m. in the morning.

Now, don't you owe your mum something atleast?

Hope this helps

Answer 5

remind me again what your problem is?

just talk to your mom and find out if changing everything works out for the both of you. in my opinion that wasnt being rude at all.