Was I wrong for standing up to my ex-mother in law about my son and her grand son?

Question

Please help, my ex boyfriend and his mom are driving me crazy! I need some serious advice on how to deal with them, they have been running my life every since I had his son and her grandson. I feel like she's the mother and not me. My ex, takes sides with his mom against me to make me look like a bad mother. First he doesn' t participate in his sons life, if his son needs anything, diapers etc. he ask his mom. Recently they both got mad at me and called me irresponsible, because I hadn't took the baby to the doctor according to when they wanted me to and when I did take him, I didn't pick up the prescriptions right away. I explained my side to him and his mom of why I didn't take him to the doctor right away and get the prescriptisons and my ex just degraded me as a mother, his mom said I was trying to undermined her nurse degree, because I was explaining to her what the doctor said about my son. He checked out ok, just for the records. This was my first time standing up to her and she turns around and get mad at me like I said something wrong about my child. I have given her a lot of lead way and I just got tired of all of the control and wanting things her way and her son way. I'm a mother of 4 and I know how to take care of my kids, I don't mind the help sometimes, but I believe these people are overstepping their boundaries with me and my son. I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt, like she's just trying to help out since her son is not participatingg or helping me out much, but then when something doesnt go his mom way with me like me telling her she can't get the baby on his birthday weekend, she calls her son and has her son call me and cuss me out for not letting his mom have my son on his birthday weekend. Everytime I tell her no, she runs to him and make it seems like I'm being mean to her, knowing that each and eveytime she wants to see the baby I always lets her. So know they both have attitudes at me for speaking my mind in a respectful manner about my rights as a mother. I really want to be done with the two of them for the sake of my sanity. I want to take a break from both of them seeing the baby for a while until we can work something out in court and so that I can get my life together. I still have not been able to heal and move on completely from the abuse I suffered from my ex, he was very controlling and manipulative, and emotionally, physically abusive. I'm tired and I feel like I can't get away from them two, if anybody feels me or can give me some sound advice please help! I feel like iam a nice christian mother of 4, trying to do the right thing and life and I am besides these two being in my life, trying to control me, because of this baby. I feel like I want to give the baby to them, just to be done with the bull c**p! Please keep it real1

Answer 1

For one thing, YOU ARE NOT GIVING YOUR SON TO THEM. He's YOUR baby and you need to be responsible and care for him. As for letting your ex and his mother see him, DON'T. Not until the court has ordered the custody rights for your son. Put in a restraining order against your ex so he can't call you and harrass you every time you don't let his mother see your child.

Answer 2

Tell him that if he cannot respect your wishes as a mother and the primary care taker of your son things will need to be handled by the courts. Let him know that if it comes to that he and his mommy will only be able to see your son on scheduled visits. Explain that it means they will not be able to jut call and get him whenever they want. Maybe you can come to an agreement without things getting too ugly.

Answer 3

ok.... if ur monster in law wants the baby on his bday weekend....like....NO its ur baby and u have the right to have him

go to court and try to get them out of ur life if the daddy dnt do tht much he has NO RIGHT TO CALL U A BAD ******* PARENT. u need t get a sitter one day for ur kids, talk to them (or scream at them thts wat i would do) and if things get ugly go to court and get complete custody of your baby or visitation time for the father and u are NOT obligated to give YOUR son to the grandmother

they r messed up and the grandma u need to tell her that she needs to mind her own business wen it comes to YOUR baby

hope i helped :D

good luck

Answer 4

Dang ! I really feel for you having to go through all of this B.S.

What I suggest is that from here on out simply tell the both of them that from here on out you are done ! You are tired of having to deal with their B.S. and that you do not need to explain your decisions to them or any one else . Tell them that you will no longer take any of their calls and that they are not to come to your home any more that if they do you will file charges against them for harassment .

Then get a restraining order against them .

If you don't have an answering machine I suggest that you get one and screen your calls . Either that or change your phone number .

If they do call your house and they leave any nasty messages , the recorder can record them and this can be used as proof in court of their harassment .

After you get a restrainer order and they come near you , your children or home , call the police and have them arrested .

Since there is no court order at this time you are not obligated to let them see your baby at all .

When you talk to a lawyer tell him what has been going on , he can then mention it to the judge .

You also need to mention to your lawyer about all of the abuse that you have gone through with this idiot and that you are afraid of what he could possibly do to you .

You should also mention to the lawyer that you do not feel that him or his mother should at any time be left alone with your baby that they could be capable of just about any thing . That if they are granted visitation rights that you feel they should be supervised .

What ever you do stick to your guns and do NOT back down .

I know that this can be very frustrating but the idea of just giving them the baby to have all of this done and over with is the wrong way of thinking .

If this idiot abused you what kind of life do you think your baby would have ? Your baby would live a life of h**l just like you did only worse because he / she is a child and unable to defend them self .

Please do not ever consider that .

I wish you all of the best .

Good luck .

Answer 5

dont give up ur motherhood for them.. u should go to court and try to get full custody or something... u really need to.. if hes not gonna help and only makes his mother do it its not good for you.. u could always...

just maybe.. even though it isnt the best alternative to give ur baby up.. u can take him to his grandmothers.. let her take care of him.. while u see him when u want.. because u have the right to do that.. maybe shell give up herself and give him back to u who knows.. lol

Answer 6

Since you keep asking this question, go to a counselor and pay for credible guidance.

Then go to a lawyer and get this taken care of legally.

Start using birth control.

Answer 7

This is why they encourage you to not have s*x until you are married. So you don't bring little illegitimate children into this world, with some idiot of a boyfriend and then have to deal with him the rest of your life.

Answer 8

k that first comment was straight up rude and ignorant.

Look, maybe because you've tried to be too nice and you haven't stood up.  people only get pushed around when you let them. Maybe you can start reminding her YOUR the mom. If she cant be civil, as much as you disagree and you dont want to hurt your child, she wont see him.  Legally she has no real right to.  If you want her opinion youll ask for it.  It might take a couple times for her to get your serious.  If she starts going off on you, guess what "im sorry , im going hang up now" same thing w/ him.  you dont need to be hearing from him either say "bye bye" and hang up

Answer 9

If you havent already filed for custody, I suggest you see a lawyer immediately. As far as the law goes, whoever physically has the child at the time of filing keeps the child until the decision is made. While you are getting that paperwork done work out visitation and child support with the lawyer. Remember to tell him the father of the baby was abusive to you, and take any documentation you may have with you to prove it. If you had to report him to the police, get a restraining order or had to go to the doctor with injuries, that would pretty much set him up for supervised visits only. Also get statements from anyone that you may have told about his abusive behavior especially if they saw marks he put on you. You can request that a social worker accompany your child while he visits his father and grandmother.

It is a lot easier if children of divorced parents can get along. Try to talk to both your ex and mil when things are calm. If a mother or father constantly gripes about the other in front of the child, the child will resent the one doing the complaining in the long run. So if you want to let off steam, make sure your children arent in the room. When your son gets older, he may decide he doesn't even want to see these people again. Let them hang themselves with their own bitterness.

Hey and dont you dare think of leaving that precious child in that environment. I wish you luck!

Answer 10

i think that your mother-in-law and your ex are stepping over the line they need to back off

your mother in law might have a nursing degree, but you are the child's mother she has no right to be telling you what to do

you are an experienced mother and you have more of a right to your children then your ex-mother

you should get full custody of your children and go to court then move if you have to

good luck <3

Answer 11

At least you're starting to stand up and be an adult. He shouldn't get to cuss you much, because you should hang up after the first syllable of the first curse. And when he calls back, do it again. He doesn't get to curse you, if he wants to talk to you. You get to decide. They can't make you feel bad. Only you can make you feel bad about what they say. When you work out how to do that, they can't hurt you again. You have no obligation to send your child to his grandmother. You do have an obligation to send the child to the father if it's court ordered. Make him come pick up the child. You can't be "done" with them, because you have a child with the doofus. You can be done with them hurting you, no matter what they do. It's 100 percent for you to do, though.  

Answer 12

Call your ex and work out a reasonable visitation schedule for HIM, not his mother.  Let him know that he can take the children to visit his mother when he has them for his visitation time.  You are under no obligation to take the children to his mother, and there is no need to even be in contact with her.  If he wants her to see them, he can take them.  Then cut her out of your life completely.  If she calls to ask about the children or wants to see them, tell her to call her son to make arrangements during his visitation.  Let him deal with her.  You do need to follow through with getting a custody and visitation order as soon as possible, though.  That will make sure that everyone's rights are protected.  Whatever you do, don't keep your children from their father unless you can show that he has been abusive of them.

Answer 13

Because of the abuse, you could get a restraining order to keep them out of your hair. Then I'd take the father to court for custody.