Was I wrong to allow a woman into my world and become friends with both knowing that it could never be more?

Question

For eight months I have enjoyed the friendship of a woman. She is married to a fine gentleman who works extra hours whenever possible in order to be a good provider for his family. She has beautiful children who excel at whatever challenge is placed before them. She is a very loving and caring wife and mother.

We have never met. She lives in another world thousands of miles away from me. I've never even seen her photo. We had no plans to ever meet. It was strictly an email friendship.

She stopped contact. I asked if everything was okay and she informed me that being in contact with me was difficult for her because of a constant reminder of how things could have been.

I've never tried to have a thing with her or even suggest that it was possible some day. She has a life, I have a life.

But, now I'm in pain from this loss. We were good friends and I miss her. I fear that I should not have let her become as close of a friend as I feel we were so as to protect her from knowing the person that I am and to not be affected by that.

I can't help but feel that she is also feeling pain from having to step away from our contact. I feel for her and wish her well.

Was I wrong, in this case, to allow what I feel was a very nice wholesome friendship? How can I prevent this from happening in the future? There was no suggested romance or any such talk of one. She is a married woman and that's not my spot of tea, nor is she the type to seek affection outside of her marriage. She is an extremely respectable person.

I'm totally open to feedback if anyone can enlighten me.

Thanks

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Answer 1

No, I don't think that it was wrong. It is human nature to form bonds with others. Aside from that, neither of you were intending to have romance when your friendship was developing. But she started having feelings for you, it just happened, it's not something either one of you could control, so she resorted to avoiding the source of those feelings, which is you.

It is understandable that you would miss her and the bond you shared. This happens in different kinds of relationships, we can't tell which ones will last and which won't. But these are all experiences to take something from.

Perhaps she'll be able to move on and someday rekindle friendship with you (without feelings interfering), or perhaps not.

But I don't think that it was your fault, or hers, it just happened.

The only thing under one's control is what one does, if it happens.

Answer 2

I don't think you were necessarily "wrong" in pursuing a friendship electronically with this woman; however, I can see how this would affect her emotions towards you, particularly because she is seeking something on line that is currently lacking in her marriage (communication and friendship) For future reference you can attempt to prevent a similar circumstance by letting the person you are interacting with know from the get go that you are solely interested in pursuing a platonic friendship via email. Also, be more careful with the conversation topics you pursue.  You might have unintentionally provoked deeper feelings from her by having platonic but subtle flirtatious conversation. I can see how easily this can happen particularly when you deeply enjoy the friendship you and this person established.

Answer 3

You weren't wrong.  It's the right thing to do.  You can prevent this by not meeting someone online.  It's a little harder to predict what a person will do if you only know them through the Internet.  Meet a woman in person who already has male friends so you know she's accustomed to having male friends and enjoys a male friendship and has the proof that she can maintain one.