Was I wrong to ask him to stay home?

Question

My husband is in a bar volleyball league with some of his coworkers. He has played spring volleyball, summer volleyball and now yes, fall volleyball. All of the games are a 6:00 this fall, which is a busy time in our home. They play once a week which is not bad, and I'm happy to see him take a break and blow off some steam.

Last night our house was crazy at 5:00. We have 3 boys, 6, 3, and 8 mos. Our 6 year old started first grade today.I I asked my husband to stay home and help me with dinner, baths, clothing, bedtime, etc. He pouted and stomped around all evening. We actually got into a huge arguement over it. Was I wrong to ask him to stay?

Answer 1

No you wern't. It's important that he try and help you out since your kids are young. You are his family are his top priority now. Vollyball or whatever needs to take a back seat.

Nope.

Answer 2

No.  Tell him to grow the F up!

Answer 3

I don't think that you did anything wrong at all. You allow him to play all year round. He shouldn't have a problem with you asking him to stay home for one game. Plus, you asked him to stay cause you actually needed him stay home with you and help you out with the kids. Hope things get better and eventually he will realize that he is in the wrong.  

Answer 4

Absolutely not. You have no problem with him being out every other night, but last night was different. You needed extra help and there's no reason he can't accomodate you every now and then when you ask him to. Don't feel bad at all. In fact, don't apologize for anything. Let him realize he was a huge baby.

Answer 5

He needs to man up and help out with his own family once in a while and for him to sulk and stomp around is just shockingly childish. Actually you have four boys incl your husband who needs to grow up and do what he needs to do and just play the next time. Giving up one game isn't the end of the world and for him to behave that way is ridiculous and absolutely juvenile and sets a very bad example for your children to see their father behave that way.

Answer 6

Sorry,,, when you are married & have children & house, you need to be responsible for these. No wrong to ask him. OK to miss game at bar. He needs to start early on setting examples for children. Do not know if booze volleyball is a good one.  

Answer 7

Perhaps you should have asked him a few days ago to plan to stay home this particular night? I don't know if he's the kind of person who dislikes short notices; it may have disappointed or irritated him. I'm not saying fighting is the way to go in this situation, but it takes two to fight. If you want him to understand you better, perhaps you can try to understand him, too. Yes, of course kids take a priority over volleyball, and if you ask him to skip volleyball a few times a year to help with the kids, it shouldn't be a big deal. Talk about it when you both have cooled down; ask him what aspect of the situation irked him the most, and try to understand where he's coming from. It goes a long ways when you say - "OK, I see how it would have made you feel this way"; all of a sudden, the person feels that he's being heard, and he wants to hear your side as well.

Answer 8

You were absolutely right to ask him to stay home.

Tell him to grow up, he's got three kids, volleyball can wait! I seriously doubt that you get to go out once a week and do something just for you, so why should he be able to?

Parents have to make sacrifices when it comes to their kids, maybe he needs to realize that.

Answer 9

There needs to be some compromise on both ends of this situation. I'm sure he can be a little late to his game if he stays and helps you out with the kids. I know it's only one night and he needs to blow off steam, I totally get that, but he needs to take into consideration that you have three small children and handling that alone is a big task. Maybe take a night off for yourself as well.  

Answer 10

No I don't think you were wrong, considering you don't complain about him leaving you with the 3 boys all the other weeks of the year so he can play.

I'm sure he'll get over it.  

If it were me, I'd express my appreciation for him 'sacrificing' to help out on a busier than usual day, and then leave him to get over it on his own.  

Answer 11

No way. He is being unfair making you take care of the kids all the time while he gets to go out and have fun.  

Answer 12

Was it the schedule change that threw you guys off?  I think it's unfair to take away an opportunity with friends out of the blue.  However, if he has a one night a week social event so should you.  Then he'll know how much it sucks to be home by yourself with the kids.

Answer 13

You were not wrong for asking.  You have your hands full and you need the help.  He really should be there to help you and the boys with whatever you (and the boys) need.  The extra cirricular activities can come at a later time...

Answer 14

i've been through some of that myself.  i don't think there is a one size fits all answer either.  however, my friend gave me her book to read which really helped me.  to h**l with h**l and she got it on line at barnes and noble dot com.  i very much enjoyed it , but i really appreciated what has happened to me as a result of reading it.  i suggest you read it.  good luck.

Answer 15

No you weren't wrong, but just remember sometimes men are like little boys so you have 4! Why don't you do an activity, anything - maybe go get a pedicure or something  just so you can be out of the house on your own - once a week, and have your husband stay home with the boys - that way he knows how it is for you.

Answer 16

Nope you were not wrong, he needs to help out.

Answer 17

No u didint say or do anything wrong by asking him to stay home and help u. The boys r not just urs but also his and hey he can go 2 the game next week tell him 2 cheer up.