Was adopting a child not as rewarding as you thought it would be?

Question

i'm considering adoption, (read my profile for details) and everyone says how much they love their children and how great it is. i am curious to hear the other side of it, or if there it even exists for some. "adopted kids are born from the heart."

Answer 1

Adopting has been OVERWHELMINGLY rewarding.  I cannot even begin to tell you what a wonderful wonderful child we have been blessed with.  

To be honest I think the real question here, is not whether or not adopting a child is as rewarding....but whether or not PARENTING is as rewarding as you thought it would be.

I must say that even having children biologically - does not always turn out the way you imagined, and yes tragically there are instances where adoption goes horribly wrong...

I think there are a few reasons for this.

1.  The parents had unrealistic expectations of what being a parent would be like.  Sadly I know someone who had a child and the truth of the matter was she actually wanted a dolly!  Every action of the child infuriated her and I think she just wanted a baby to sit there and look pretty 24/7.

2.  There has been damage done - either the parents find it difficult to come to terms with their infertility (in some cases) and see the adopted child as 'second best' or not what their 'real child' would have been like.  In this scenario it is almost impossible for an adopted child to compete with the imagined 'real child' and resentment builds.

3. Some people are just bad parents!  Whether they are adopted or bio parents....they just make a real bad job of it.  Its sad, but its true.

4. Some adopted children have a MOUNTAIN of bad stuff to deal with.  Abandonment issues, attachement issues, abuse issues....the list is endless and this can take careful handling and a whole lot of love and understanding.  Sadly some adoptive parents just don't see why their child should bother worrying about all that, which is in the past etc.  It shows lack of understanding on the parents part.

Now, having said all that....a child is not coming into your home to fulfil your dreams....although many children do....YOU are coming into THEIR lives to fill a huge void in their lives... My daughter needed a family so desperately...but the truth of the matter is that in being her family we have gained more than we could ever ever ever have imagined.  Seriously.

So to put things in perspective, if you don't consider yourself to be your child's saviour, and expect that child to be grateful for every sacrifice you make, then you are well on the road to having a wonderful wonderful family and a fantastically rewarding experience of parenthood.

The pitfalls of adoption are not there to put you off, but to make you wise.  Read up on everything you can about attachement issues and bonding etc...try to understand as much as you can from the child's point of view and in putting your own needs and wishes on the back burner, you will discover that you are blessed beyond your wildest dreams.

Take care.

Answer 2

So are you considering adopting?  I have not adopted, however if I could not have a child naturally that was my only than choice and I had the means I would jump at the chance.  I think that the action alone is rewarding.  You would be taking a child from a place that is truly not desirable and giving them a loving, giving home.  As for the child, it's rewarding that their mommy and daddy choose them from all the other children in the world, it makes them even more special.  Of course, there are always challenges, but every child-parent situation has it's moments.  Good Luck

Answer 3

No.  Actually it is more rewarding than I thought it would be.  It took me a little longer to bond with my adopted daughter than it did my wife, but once I bonded, I have found it very rewarding.

Answer 4

I will answer this from both sides- as an adoptee myself, and as an adoptive parent.  I find both very rewarding.  I know some adoptees on this site will not agree with me.  However, being adopted to me has been wonderful.- No I am not in denial. And as a couple that adopted,my husband and I are very blessed.  Being blessed and being as rewarding as we thought it would be does not mean that I as an adoptee or as an adoptive parent has had a easy life- no we haven't.  I struggled as a child with childhood issues- but none of them was because I was adopted. And the issues that I have with my kids have no relationship to adoption either.

Answer 5

Is a GREATEST SACRIFICE, ETERNAL LOVE & SELFLESS SERVICE.

Answer 6

You almost had a very good question.

You should have ask if adopting a child was it as rewarding as you thought it wold be?

YES, YES, YES.

Answer 7

My parenting experience has been wonderful so far. I adopted my son from foster care when he was 2-1/2 years old and he is a great kid! Is he sometimes a pain in the butt? Yes. Does he sometimes talk back or argue with me? Sure. Is he affectionate and loving and does he write me little notes telling me he loves me? Yep! I am a parent because of adoption, but I consider myself just a regular old parent.

I know that some adoptees are not happy with their adoptions and/or they wish that they'd never been separated from their mothers because they had no choice in the matter. I empathize with that. I'm not minimizing anyone else's experience; I'm just telling my own. Today my son and I were on a flight from L.A. back home to Hawaii. My son got up and went to the back of the plane to talk to the flight attendants and, as usual, he made some "friends." One of the female flight attendants was holding my son around the waist and smiled at me as I came to the back of the cabin where they were sitting. She asked my son, "Do you want to come and live with me? I have 3 boys and you would have fun!" It was all said jokingly and I didn't take offense at all. My son, who was having a great time chatting with all these admiring adults, turned to her and said, "No thanks. I like my happy life."

So there you go!

Answer 8

I think you might find more of the "other side" of adoption by asking adoptees.  It's not butterflies and rainbows for them.  Why not ask, "is being adopted not as rewarding as everyone thought it would be when they made the decision for you?", and you'll get a whole new education on what adoption is really like.  Of course being an adoptive parent is wonderful - AP's are getting what they wanted.  But adoptees, on the other hand...well, ask them.  They'll tell ya.

Answer 9

It was even more rewarding. We cannot imagine our lives without her. Every day she surprises us and we get to see the world through new eyes.

ETA: Adoptive parenting, like any parenting, is not all candy corn and butterfly kisses. There are awesome times and supremely trying times. But you make a decision of whether or not you think the "hard times" are worth it. For us, they are.

A good place for you to check out is: www.informedadoptions.com and www.adoptionthreads.com

You'll receive many viewpoints and experiences there.

Answer 10

Adopting my little Cami was even more rewarding than we ever expected. My husband and I already had 4 kids, we just wanted another and were already kind of old. We adopted her when she was almost 3. Now we are adopting triplets. We get to bring them home next week. We are so excited!

Answer 11

I brought my son home when he was 7 months old (back in 2005).

It was so WAY MORE rewarding then I ever thought.  It was so way more rewarding that the only words I can use to explain it are: feeling pure joy in my soul.

While I was the most tired and emotionally drained that I had ever been in my life, I still sat back an thought, wow...  I love being a Mommy to this awesome little boy!

And now in 2008- I feel the same way.  Except, now I've seen him grow and change and that is such a wonderful experience to see your child become his own self and express his wishes and desires (whether by using words or throwing a typical toddler tantrum every now and then); show compassion for others (by just being nice or overhugging our dog); learn about respect; make friends (yep and a few enemies); play pretend (with little figurines or by using utensils as swords- eeeck); and yes...  also be a little stinker at times.

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Sofiakat could not have said it better.  :-)

Answer 12

It has been incredibly rewarding and incredibly difficult at the same time.

Adoption is the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life. I have never worked harder, had more anxiety, and worried more than any other time.

I also have never loved more, laughed more, and experienced more joy.

I would not trade any of these experiences for anything.

Answer 13

You will never have anyone answer this question with a "no".  Ever.  It's not politically correct.

I can tell you what my amother would say--if she had a knife to her throat--NO.