Was anybody adopted as a child/and or can share expiriences with children who are adopted?

Question

I am writing a book in which the main character is adopted. Can anyone share their feelings that adopted kids have shared and/or you have expirienced? Stories would be helpful also.

Answer 1

hey there, i was adopted out from birth ,i have only just resently found this out through medical records last year i am now 25.is been a intresing and diffucult process ,i have just recently had contact with my birth father witch has been amazing genes explain alot.I have not yet been able to contact my birth mother it seems as though she is very much in denial about it but understantably so.I have found out i have 3 half brothers and one half sister .its pretty amaziny really and explains alot about how i am as a person .

good luck with your book would love to read it when your done .

Answer 2

Interesting subject for a main character.  What kind of book is it a mystery or a tragedy?

My experience growing up as an adoptee was one of intense feelings of not belonging, loneliness, and despair.  I was adopted shortly after birth, was well taken care of, fed, clothed, never abused, but always miserable anyway.  

Being adopted is fraught with all kinds of emotional minefields.  It should give you ample material to develop a complex, albeit effed-up character.  

Happy writing.

Answer 3

I am a 51 year old adult adoptee. I was adopted when I was 3 years old. I had loving caring parents, but always had the feeling that I didn't belong, a feeling of disconnectedness. After reading 3 books about adult adoptees, I now know that my feelings are normal. I grew up with guilt and shame for wanting to know about my  birth family. At 51, I still get comments about why I want to know about them, that my adoptive parents are my real parents. Kids should know they should never feel ashamed about wanting to know about themselves, it is their birth right, even though  the government says it should be kept secret. Adoptive parents should be open and honest and never lie. I was told my mom died during childbirth and it was not true. Adoption can give a child a loving, stable environment, but can be a nightmare when you start to search. Remember, it's Your Business and never let anyone convince you  otherwise.

Answer 4

i know one person

hER PARENT WERE YOUNG IN THEIR 16-20S AND SHE WAS BORN THEY GAVE HER TO COUPLE WITH NO CHILD AND LEFT, SHE GREW UP BEING TOLD "your adopted" AND SHE WANTED TO FIND HER FAMILY...SHE CALLED UP A FRIEND IN NEWYORK AND THEY FOUND HER MOM IN CALIFORNIA....SHE WENT TO MEET HER BIOLOGICAL FAMILY AND SHE SAW HER YOUNGER BROTHER IN AGE OF 13...

BUT THE BAD PART WAS THAT HER MOM ANDDAD WERE DIVORCED AND BOTH MARRIED TO TWO DIFF PEOPLE...ETC..

VOTE ME AS BEST IF U LIKE MY ANSWER

Answer 5

I am 25 years old and was adopted by my birth parents when I was about a week old. It was a closed adoption and I always knew I was adopted.  My birth parents were young (17 and 16) so I have always been very grateful for my life.  They could have had an abortion and made their lives easier.  Instead they unselfishly had me and put me up for adoption.  I love my adopted parents, I have always thought of them as my "real" parents.  My mom told me about a year ago that she always knew from the time she was a teenager that she was meant to be a mommy, and when she found out she could not physically have children that was the worst feeling in her life.  So when they turned to adoption, they actually felt like I was meant to be their baby, just from another mother.  I do believe that I ended up with a wonderful family and not all adoptee's have the same luck as me and a lot of people hate their birth parents for giving them up to a family that may not have treated them right.

Although I have always been close with my mom, my family (aunts, uncles, cousins and at time grandparents) made me feel awkward.  I felt like I did not belong at family functions and they all had a closer bond to each other than myself.  And I felt like I was looked at as the "black sheep" because I was not related by blood.

I have never tried to seach for my birth parents, because I feel like that would make my adopted parents think that they have done something wrong or they were not good enough.  They only thing I would like from my birth parents is some kind of medical history.  I am very afraid that something medical will come up and I may need to know about my family medical history.  I would also like to know if there are any genetic diseases that run in the family so I know if I should be tested if I carry any gene's before I try to have children.

Answer 6

Yes I was adopted and i think it's one of the best things. My birth mom got pregnant with me when she was only 17 and my dad took off as soon as he found out. My birth mom put me up for adoption and gave me a chance at a better life. To me this is one of the most unselfish things you can do. I do talk to her every once in awhile and shes more like a friend or a big sister. Now im 21 and pregnant with my own baby...a boy! If she wouldnt have done what she did i probably wouldnt be where i am today. I do have some negative feeling towards my dad since he took off and at times makes me feel very unwanted even thou its been 21 years.

Answer 7

I'm also writing a book about my OWN story.  Whatever you do, don't use somebody else's story unless you ASK.

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Answer 8

I was adopted and it is the most horrible thing of my life.I wish many days that my parents would have takin time to jsut get a d*** abortion. My biological parents abused me for awhile until I was 13 and then I got adopted. I hate my biological parents and my adoptive parents. My adoptive parents say they dont favor there biological son but they do even now during holiday such as christmas and easter my family spends them toghether but I am never invited. I guess I have alot of uissues and my adoptive mom always tells me that I make her family neglect him. I am now 15 and I jsut hate life and I think adoption is such garbage. NEVER ADOPT!!!

Answer 9

i was in foster care for fourteen years and was finally adopted at 15 years old.  i had strong feelings of insecurity.  i felt that no one ever loved me nor could they ever want to love me.  i often found myself questioning god as to why i was actually on this earth, what had i done so wrong to make me go through all i'd been through.  the first six months of the adoption were like a dream come true, the honeymoon period, then it wore off and the mother nit picked me to death and i wanted to run away from them, even foster care seemed better than this torture.  i felt that i wasn't good enough for her and that i would never measure up to her,  guess what, i,m now 37 and my realtionship with my mother remains the same.  though i work very hard to do something that will make her happy,'

i realize that i am a good person and a great mother, even though i had several mothers that shaped me into who i am today.

gigi

Answer 10

Your best bet is to find forums for adoptees (including reading our answers to other questions on here). Just spending a few minutes reading them will give you some idea of what its like to be an adoptee. If you're serious about writing a book, buy or borrow books about adoption like "the primal wound" & "20 things adoptees wish their parents knew" or whatever its called.

My parents were young, unmarried and Catholic. They gave me up because they didn't want me, weren't planning on staying together and thought it was the best option for us all. 20+ years on, I'm still angry about their decision, but you can't change the past, so I've got to deal with that and move on. I haven't worked out how to yet, but hopefully one day I'll get there. People have always asked me about my "real" parents. My adoptive parents are my parents, but my bio parents also have a claim to that title, so I hate the term "real parents."

I don't know what else to tell you. Adoption is my life. I've been asked loads of times "what's it like to be adopted?" I don't know. I'm living it. I've got nothing to compare it to. What's it like to not be adopted? Unless you've experienced both, you can't really compare it.

Answer 11

There is always a range of emotions that adoptive children go through.  I have gathered a LOT of different stories from individuals, parents at different stages and ages of adoption.

You might find what you need there. Here's my story:

http://www.adoptive-parenting.com/growin...

Answer 12

i was adopted when i was 12 i think it was the best time of my life cause i knew that i would have a family forever and they would love me no matter what

its really cool but sometimes i miss my birth family. but i no that they wont love me as much as the family im with now

Answer 13

I was adopted as a baby.  I think feeling vary depending on where you are at in your life.  If you are talking about the experiences of a child - its one of 2 reactions - complete anger / denial at being adopted (my cousin used to scream at his adopted parents that they were lying, he was their child, or I hate you - I wish you hadn't got me).  The other reaction is feeling lucky to be adopted.  Kids go through a stage (probably most of their lives!) of feeling scared of being rejected by those around them (so can be quite cautious of showing affection or building relationships).  It has a lasting effect throughout the life - many adopted adults will have attachment issues.  

One quick story I can think of for myself - I have always known and was told what my birth name was. (for this, I'll say Jane Smith).  My teacher at school (when about 5 or 6) was Mrs Smith.  I always believed that she might be my birth mother - (kids don't know that many people's surnames so therefore dont' know there are tons of Smiths in the world).  I remember at the time choosing not to tell my parents that this was my belief.  I was reminiscing about school days with mum - she commented that the only teacher that I really didn't settle down for the year was Mrs. Smith - "I never liked her".

Hope that story makes sense.  To me, it sums up the insecurity that can be carried by adoptees.

Edit: - in doing your research - some terminology that might come in handy.  Tradional adoptions are ones that took place over 25 years ago - baby given up, and it was always thought that there would be no further contact between baby and birth parents.  Contemporary adoptions are ones where baby might be removed from birth mother, or when there is formal arrangements in place for contact (eg. annual letter, visiting rights).  The law changed in 2002 to make searching easier, and give all parties more right to access.

Answer 14

Friends of ours have adopted 7 children from Lyberia. The younger ones are fine, but the two oldest girls are have behavior problems. They run away all the time and tell lies about their parents. The parents got DCFS called on them because of the girl's lies! I know that they are going through difficulty, but they love these girls and don't want to see them go into foster care. A funny story about this family: When the orphans first came to their new family's house, they were suprised to find that their new family only eats raw food and no meat. Well the family had some pet geese and the oldest daughter got so fed up with not eating meat that she went out and wrung the gooses neck, brought it to her new mother and said, "We eat meat!". Hope this helps!