Was i adopted with the wrong type of people? please help?

Question

i was adopted at the age 4 with my sister who was 2 at the time, now im 25 and iv found my birth mum and we have a very close bond. it was my adopted mum who wanted to adopt but not my adopted dad, he only went ahead with it cause he was married to my adopted mum at the time, my adopted mum has always been more close to my sister and couldnt cope with me cause i was a very difficult child to deal with cause before i was adopted i was, abused sexually by my birth dad and and had gone through so many traumas of being beaten and put into different foster homes, i found out all of this when i got in touch with my birth mum, but throughout the years my adopted mum hasnt really been there for me and my adopted dad told me last year that he regrets adopting me in the first place and that im that same child when i was younger and iv never changed since then, he now doesnt want anything to do with me and i have to live with this for the rest of my life, but im glad that i have my birth mum

Answer 1

I think they found it hard to deal with your troubled past and didnt know how to deal with it so therefore have taken it out on you....they should really have been given some advice on how to deal with problems you had before being allowed to adopt.....having said that you were probably better off with them than your abusive father....feel bad you've had to go through this but i think its great you have your birth mum just go on with her and be happy...

Answer 2

it was good that you got away from your birth dad but it sucks that you went away from your birth mom its good that your adopted mom took you and and **** your adopted dad because he sounds like a douche bag now if u need to talk to some one go to your birth mom or try and get closer to your adopted mom

Answer 3

Yeah, they should have left you in the orphanage.

Jees, really.

Answer 4

they adopted u for a reason, its not ur fault that that stuff happened 2 u

maybe they were the wrong ppl 2 adopt u, but @least u have ur birth mom now.the fact that she loves u is all that matters....the ppl who adopted u r just bitter ppl.....dont listen 2 wat they say

Answer 5

Sorry to hear about it, but, it sounds like you upgraded from a birth dad who abused  you, to to an adopted dad who let you live in his house and clothed and fed you. There are some children who are with their birth parents all their life and have a rotten time of it - at least you escaped from the frying pan to somewhere away from the fire. And now you're old enough to have your own family, which I am sure you will love and cherish and never tell them they were a mistake.

Answer 6

I was adopted too. Wrong kind of people? Who is really right? I appreciate your feelings but it sounds like it would have been much worse if your adoptive parents hadn't taken you. I also know what it is like to have difficult children which can put a wedge in the relationship which can last years - sometimes in some unfortunate cases a lifetime.

You are very understandably hurt and damaged by your experience. Your adoptive parents may also be hurt by the little girl who they took for their own and seemed to reject them. I hope things improve for you all - maybe you could be the one to make it happen?

Answer 7

there must have been some reason as to why your adopted dad has disowned you. you say you was a difficult child does that mean you was a difficult teenager and now adult ,did you test your adoptive parents till they where at the end of their tether, if this is the case you have to take responsibility for your actions .  its great that you have a good relationship with your birth mum now but she is also to blame for your troubled past .why where you in foster care in the first place? you have said that your real dad was abusive but why where you taken from your mother if she didnt have a part to play. my advice to you is not to be bitter about past events you are an adult now ,dont keep looking back only look forward, you are in control of your own life now you can choose to sit and dwell on your childhood or you can live the rest of your life to the full i know which one i would choose.

Answer 8

Donot feel bad about yourself in any way!!! It is not your fault for meeting the wrong people. What you  should live with for the rest of your life is the love you have waiting inside of you to share with a special someone. As for your birth mum, connect with her! As they say "blood is thicker than water".

Answer 9

What a horrible story, I dont think you were adopted by the wrong type I just think that they haven't been very good 'parents' especially your 'dad'  I have been brung up with my bilogical parents and my mum always treated my sister better and had more time for her. What your dad has said is horrible and rediculous. I'm glad your biological mum is there for you now! I hope everything works out x*x

Answer 10

It sounds as though you did have the wrond adoptive parents. When people decide to adopt it should be a mutual decision which works for both sides. To take on a chil of four, they should have been fully prepared for the difficulties that lie ahead. Your adopted father sounds like a waste of time and space so we wont bother with him anymore. He has made it clear how he feels, if anything just accept it and move on from him he is not worth the time nor the effort.

As for your adoptive mum, she should have been the one you were almighty close with, and its sad to say she failed as a parent with you. Im glad you have met your real mum and are clsoe now. Its nice that you finally have a mum to be close to. Your sister was probably easier to handle as she was very young when adopted, this may have made it easier for your adopted mum to bond with her, but never believe this is your fault, because its not. You went through alot of traumatic events as a baby and this is sure to lead to a difficult upbringing. No other child would have been different given your terrible situation.

I hope everything works out for you and you stay close in contact with your real mum. Although your adopted mum gave you alot of time over the years, the fact that she had a favourite has impacted you greatly. Thank her for looking after you, bu thank god you found your real mum, whom now you can start a new life with.