Was i right to call the wedding off?

Question

This is the 2nd time i've done it. We were having a long distance relationship, he's 28, 4 years younger to me, he stayed in my house once in a while with my other siblings, we were planning our wedding back then when a female neighbor close to us and he knew during his stays in our house confided that he kissed her during sharing of experience in a relationship. He almost lead her to our bed, fortunately she snap out and left the house in a rush. It was so painful to me but eventually i forgave him but we didn't pursue with the wedding which is suppose to be this year, this happened more than a year ago.

Again we planned for our wedding next year, i paid deposits to some of the supplier ( i have a very good job abroad that pays so well, and he's on and off job, mostly off by the way ). One day i dreamed of his cellphone, something in it that hurt me so bad. Woke up called my sister to check his phone and he seems nervous giving it to her. She began reading text messages from his cousin Tracy, who i never met and whom i really don't get a good vibes with when he previously mentioned her to me. Initially, he named me Tracy when we were hiding our relationship from his family (why? long story). I found it strange why he named me after a cousin who he didn't see since the fifth grade. When he annouced that his brother just recently having contact with her after so many years, i told him, i just don't lke her, i don't want you to be so close to her or something like that. Fine if they texted each other but with such texts that don't sound like cousin's text but appears like they are girlfriend and boyfriend.... one stated "i had a shower already and i smell so good, i bet you smell like sweat.... i love u n miss u ... mwaah!", "am going to sleep now i'll make you my pillow and hug you", "why don't you come and visit me, am so bored i don't have anyone in the house and i'll cook for you".... those are very few of her annoying texts and all ends with if not i love u, i miss you and always with a kiss. I bet, knowing him, he also texted her that way.

I knew two people who are first degree cousin who haven't met since they were kids and when they saw each other when they are grown ups they fell in love and had 2 kids.

I was just so devastated of all the texts that i heard over the phone and his explanation is there's no malice in those because they're cousins and she texted his brother the same way too. He's brother even testified to that saying she's just that way because she has no brother, but of course he will stand by him, i don't even know if he's telling the truth. I told my ex-fiance Why he didn't tell me about this, if there's nothing to it he should have told me at least.

And so for the second time around i called the wedding off. Its just too much for me to understand how cousins could text each other that way. He said its a shallow ground to call the wedding off, but this is the second time he hurt me badly. Sometimes, it crossed my mind that he really didn't love me the way i love him... maybe he's just sticking around for security.

Did i make the wrong decision? I'm just so confused....

Answer 1

You were right to call off the wedding, for sure. To be honest, you probably shouldnt have got engaged to him again for the second time, so soon after being so hurt. I would leave the guy forever. I understand how hard that could be, but he has treated you like c**p and you deserve better. Leave him, move on and find someone who will treat you like a princess

Answer 2

You were right to call it off. This guy sounds like a loser. 28 years old and he is living with your sister because he won't work and texting love messages to his cousin? Find a real man, honey. You deserve better.

Oh, and tell your family to kick his a$$ out, too. He's been mooching long enough, don't you think?

Answer 3

What is it about this man that you want to marry him? You don't trust him and he doesn't even hold a regular job. You don't even know whether he loves you or not. I think you did the right thing, even if that sometimes hurts a bit.  

Answer 4

You absolutely made the right decision!! Do NOT go back to him, he's scum! He's a liar, a cheat, and a piece of dirt. Run away, and take your heart with you....he doesn't deserve it.

Answer 5

I think you made the right decision,and i also think you know that.4 yrs is a long time and if you were sure about the two of you, you would be married to him by now.Yeah it's gonna hurt for awhile,but someday when you are happily married to a great guy your going to look back and be glad that you didn't marry that loser who was only with you for security& your money.Just hang there,your Mr.right is out there,you just have'nt found him yet,but you will & you'll know.Good luck!

Answer 6

You were wise. He's likely to be unfaithful during a marriage. I've had to support close friends who've had cheating husbands. That's more painful than the hurt you experience now.

You deserve a faithful husband. There's a difference between being forgiving and being a push over. This man does not respect you or just can't control himself.

Answer 7

I think you were right to call it off, but if it was me I would call everything off and stop seeing this guy.  I've been in long distance relationships before and there is temptations and guy are going to be guys.  I think that you should end the relationship and maybe try dating someone locally.

I'm not against long distance relationships because I'm marring someone who I met long distance.  Sometimes you get lucky most of the time you end up with a weirdo!

Answer 8

First off marrying your first cousin and having babies with them is incest and illegal. 2nd I think he's full of c**p and this isn't really his cousin and he's banging her. Your 32 years old, how are you this stupid? You have a great job and take care of everything, why the h**l would he work or stay faithful to you if your just gonna put up with it! I suggest you leave his stupid *** before he knocks you up and your stuck. Wow, this is just too sick for me!

Answer 9

You are completely right for doing it. If you have doubts now, why get into something you have to stick with unhappily or always wondering? You should feel comfortable and completely trusting when entering marriage. If not, wait until you do, or if he's hurt you bad and it's a pattern, get out. You are more important.

Answer 10

Whew, lucky for both of you that you called it off.  You need to think about why you only attract a moocher with no job when you are supposedly so successful etc.  You seem very insecure and jealous regardless of his behavior which may or may not be deceitful.