Was i wrong for doing this?

Question

my 20yr old brother and his 18yr old pregnant girlfriend are staying with my husband and i-- rent free, and no other cost for food, laundry etc. i do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. my husband and i are in the middle of moving from an apartment to a house- so i did tell them that since they would be staying here for free they were going to have to help watch my 4 yr old son (who for the most part is pretty good), and help move some of the heavier stuff (i'm 32 weeks pregnant and high risk). i also told them they wouldn't be able to stay in bed all day (they're both kind of lazy and would sleep all day) and told them that the stay here was only temporary- once we get moved out of the apartment and into the house they have to find a place. i have done all the calling around to find them help to find a place, get her on medicaide and food stamps and wic (neither are working- they can't hold a job). i also got my brothers birth certificate and am helping him get a job.

cont..

Answer 1

I think your brother is a leech. It seems to me you are taking care of his responsibilities. He needs to step up and do for himself.

Answer 2

tough love is right!!!! why are you doing all the foot work?? im sure they are old enough to get jobs and because they cant keep them thats not your problem tell them on the 20th they need to go i dont think its fair your husband busts his azz to support a bunch of lazy azz ppl tell them to grow up and move already!!!! your only setting yourself up for disaster!! good luck

Answer 3

YOUR SON NEEDS TO GO AND GET A JOB TO SUPPORT HIS WIFE AND CHILD. YOU NEED TO STOP TREATING HIM LIKE A BABY, AND TELL HIM TO GET OFF HIS LAZY A**.

Answer 4

yes,he is your brother and you should help him.

if you can't work you should appoint a made.

Answer 5

They obviously aren't pulling there weight, and you shouldn't have to deal with that at all, especially considering that you are 32 weeks pregnant. You shouldn't be under all that stress . If i were in your place i would kick them out ( make sure they have a place for a short time) that way they will learn how to deal with being out there alone. they'll have to find a place to stay themselves, get a job, and learn how to be independent they will have to learn it sooner or later considering they have a baby on the way. Just check on them every week or so and make sure they are ok and making their way. Make sure they know that you and your husbnd and baby need ur own space and time alone. Tough Love!

Answer 6

Ok at 20 and 18?  Ummmm  I would not let my children behave that way, much less my sister or brother.  I want them to be responsible, reliable human beings.  Deal with the consequences of not being so-or grow up.   You are way too nice.

Answer 7

No, you weren't wrong from what I read so far. Your brother and his girlfriend are mooching off of you. If you and your husband do not take a stand now then they will never leave and will probably forever be dependent on you. It's time for your brother to grow up and face reality because you can't be there always holding his hand. They have overstayed their welcome in my opinion Don't stress and good luck!

Answer 8

no i think that you are doing a good thing they need to find a place of their own and if they arent going to try on their own then you have to push tehm to do it

Answer 9

I don't think that you should worry too much about it - they are adults, they can look after themselves, it was annoying for them but so what. They do not sound like the best houseguests and I don't see why you should have to accomodate them any further.

Answer 10

Heck yea! u did it nicely, their grown ups now, they cant act 13 yr old, ur not their mommy. GO U!!! :)

Answer 11

No you are not wrong. They are adults now and need to start acting like it. I get the feeling that they would keep taking your hand outs as long as you would let them. I think you have been more than helpful to them and it's only fair that they start doing things for themselves. They have a baby on the way and need to learn responsibility.

Answer 12

You should tell them to leave right now and they are not moving to your house. If they are having a baby, they should BOTH be working. My uncle kicked my cousin out and he is 20. He was living there free and was getting mouthy and swearing at my uncle. He was sleeping late like your family. I think that you have done enough for them already. They need to do things for themselves, they are not children.

Answer 13

No, you are not wrong for giving them a helping hand, but it should be temporary and they should help you with the work. Young people of today often go through a shocking Wake Up Call when they learn that they are expected to shoulder some responsibility after years of doting parents making their lives comfortable.  I am not showering blame on other people, because I have been as guilty as others of doing this.

When my brother, his wife and family moved in on me, I finally paid the rent on a house for them and moved them into it.  It worked out pretty well because from that time the rent was their responsibility and they managed to pay it.

Believe me, they will never repay you, the gratitude is limited, and if you needed help, they will never have the means to help you.  So limit your generosity, help them get a place to live and tell them you have done all that you can.

Answer 14

i think that what you did was perfectly reasonable.

If they are living in your house, they must obey your rules, and if they know that you go to bed early, they should respect that!

Answer 15

why should u feel guilty when they didn't have the courtesy to call you earlier and ask that the door be unlocked?? If they are grown as u say then they should have known how it works...if they had to find someplace to stay overnight then maybe it will teach them to be more considerate! How long are you going to let this go on?? Brother staying there I could understand but a GF?? COME ON!! Time for the both of them to get the h**l out and support themselves! PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN AND KICK THEM OUT!! It's PAST time!!Let them go sponge off someone else for a while! It's time for your family to come first!!

Answer 16

Ofcourse your not wrong, its a joke neither of them have a job.

Go and tell them.

Answer 17

wow, if you keep being niice theyll just keep walking all over you cuz they know they can...ths horrible...on their side your pregnant and have your own life they should get off their lazy butts and help out get a job and at least pay rent if they can find an appartement force them too, and the second they have enough money make sure they move out, dont let em hang on, kuz at the moment theyre totally taking advantage of you..:s...good luck with everything

Answer 18

Of course you weren't wrong.  It's sad that they're so irresponsible, and are bringing an innocent child into an unstable life.  I'll bet anything they'll be sticking their hands out to others to provide for their baby, and asking you and others to babysit right and left so that they can go out partying.  People like that, who feel entitled to assistance instead of taking responsibility themselves, are really pathetic.  I'd give the both of them two more weeks at the most, and then throw them out on their butts.  If they won't support their own baby, they shouldn't be allowed to take it home from the hospital.

Answer 19

You are enabling their irresponsibility.   You need to get them out now. They can start in a shelter; the county has worker that will help them get skills training and jobs.  I feel sorry for their child.  Take care of you .   The longer you have them do nothing the longer they will.

Answer 20

No - you are not wrong.

You should not be expected to stay up til whatever time in your condition and wait up for them or leave the door unlocked.

As for everything else, EVERYONE can get a job, maybe they need to move further away - you really are not doing them or yourself any favours by keeping them.

You are setting them up for a shock when you suddenly take your home back... I suggest you pick a date, hand it to them and state that they have until then to be moved out - give them plenty of notice and STICK TO IT.

Answer 21

what part of this is the question?they need to get their lazy asses off welfare and work and support themselves.I resent paying for them when i work my *** off every day to feed my family and have a roof over their head.they should be shot.i also worked every day i was pregnant with a 1 year old until i deliverd.lazy poeple suck and shouldn't eat or have a place to stay.you are an enabler.

Answer 22

natchomo is right

Answer 23

u r right... the longer u let them be lazy n live off u they r goin to. I feel bad for unborn neice or nephew n once the gf gives birth, ur gonna  feel more obligated to help so id have em gone b4 the babies come!!

Answer 24

They got what they deserved. And I hope when you actually finish moving you stick to your guns about them not living in the new house with you. I hate it for their unborn child, but this kind of thing has a way of becoming lifelong patterns. You are doing your brother no favors if you don't force him to take care of himself.

Answer 25

ok first i think you should tell then they should pay rent only because you have children and you have to do all this c**p it seems like you work really hard. But i think you should either pay rent and help with the children or make them move out. But i know h is your  brother but he needs to help  out more.

Answer 26

nothing is wrong

Answer 27

You are a great human being, what can I say, there should more like you everywhere, may you be truly blessed.plus no matter what happens later you can say you honestly tried.

Answer 28

You were not wrong in doing that.  You need to tell THEM how you feel about it all.  You are trying your hardest and if they don't recognize that then they need to get out and stop blaming you.

Good Luck

mine?

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Answer 29

*sigh* of course it's not wrong of you to expect a call...under normal circumstances...and regardless...it IS your home! What IS wrong is that you aren't letting these two grow up..or learn responsibility. You dont require them to have jobs or figure out things on their own. A little gudiance is great and wonderful of you..however, doing all the work is only hindering their growth and ability to learn responsibility...the pregnant girl can get on assistance, and medicare, etc...but your brother, really has no excuse...he NEEDS a job.  A baby is no joke and requires a lot of items that add up to a lot of money. He needs to sink or swim...I know it sounds mean or uncaring, but really if he doesn't learn to fend for himself, how will he support his child??? Offering support is wonderful, however assuming responsibility is not....let him take on some of that!

Answer 30

Ok, so what's the question?

They should already be out of your house.  How the h**l are they going to support a child when they can't even support themelves?  Get rid of them!  I hate people like that.  My older sister was like that, and it was like having a leech everywhere I went or did something.  Kick em' out and be done with it.

Answer 31

Your brother sounds like my brother-in-law.  My husband and I have been in the same predicament before, and we have learned you have to put your foot down.  You are trying to raise your own family, and he has to grow up and act responsibility.  If you continue to help him for free, he will continue to get all he can from you.