Was i wrong to move in with him before we get engaged?

Question

ok i love my boyfriend loads.

weve been together over 4 1/2 years.

we moved in together in march

he says he loves me more than anything and he doesnt want to be without me, but he wont ask me to marry him.

my workmate has said now we live together he will never ask me.

is that true?

i dunno what to do about it. he says he wants to get married to me so why wont he ask me?

Answer 1

Give him TIME. He may be waiting for the right moment, don't push it. As for the "my workmate has said now we live together he will never ask me. is that true?" NO it's not true. My H2B and I moved in together and a few months later we were engaged. Every man is different if he wants to marry you he will. If you feel that after a certain period of time, that he's not committing then flat out say that you want to be engaged soon and start planning the wedding. You're not going to wait around forever.

Answer 2

have you guys ever talked about

getting married. it wasn't wrong to

live with him before getting married

either sometimes i think it's better

get to know the person even better.

i lived with my hubby before we got

married but he also was planning on

get married way ahead of time. i think

maybe bringing up the subject will

let him know that you are thinking

about it.

Answer 3

I personally wouldn't move in before marriage but that's not your question.

Consider this: People do what they intend to do.  4 and a half years is a long time to be dating.  I dunno, you two could be young and be in school or something but that is a pretty long time to date before at least engagement.  So, my guess is he doesn't intend to marry you.  Do you talk to him about it?  What does he say?  If he shrugs it off or acts annoyed or picks a fight when you want to ask his intentions, then I think your guy is not ready for the commitment.  

If you don't mind waiting then fine.  If you do mind waiting, you may have a hard decision to make.

Take care!

Answer 4

Normally, I would say no, but you have already been together 4 1/2 years. That is a long time.

I would sit down with him and have a serious discussion about your future. I would ask him flat-out for a time line for marriage, and if he couldn't give one and kept saying I was "bugging" or "nagging" him, I would seriously consider moving out and moving on. Only because it's already been 4 1/2 years.

You need to have a very serious discussion about his fears of marriage - it may be that he thinks things will change, he is worried about spending $20,000 for an extravagant affair he can't afford, that you will want children soon afterward, or any number of things. If you can find out exactly what the issue is, then that will help tremendously and you can discuss everything. If he is vague or will not tell you any particular reasons, then my guess is you need to find someone else. (Sorry.)

Answer 5

Of course it's true. Why would he marry you now if nothing would change? I would have said that without a ring and a wedding date you couldn't make that commitment. Now it's too late I guess but you could always threaten to move out and see what he does.  

Answer 6

It has nothing to do with living together. Lots of couples move in before engagement, it is a smart way to see what it is like living together before making a commitment. Marriage is about more than love, if you aren't compatible in a house together full time then life will be h**l no matter how much you love each other. He may just need time, which would be the case living together or apart. This may be freaking him out a little, and that's OK. Give him time to adjust. Don't wait around forever if you can't handle it, but don't expect a proposal just because you think its obvious. He has his own feelings he needs to work through.

Answer 7

Hi Elisha i dont know about you but i see marriage as a big thing and maybe your boyfriend does too. He might feel he is not ready yet this does not mean he doesnt love you to bits it just means the time isnt right.

As for what your friend said moving in will not change his decision either way dont listen to what she/he has to say we are all individuals. :)

Answer 8

if you look at it religiously then yes  

Answer 9

Honey if I were you I would pack my suitcase and leave.  If he won't ask you to marry him...and he is giving you a song and a dance about how much he loves and why he wants you to live together with him...you are falling for a line of B/S.  Confront him, tell him if he doesn't set a date, you are moving out.  If he refuses, PACK YOUR SUITCASE AND RUN DON'T WALK OUT THE DOOR...Otherwise this guy will string you along till the cow jumps over the moon...Lesson:  Don't live with anyone until there is a proposal of marriage and an engagement ring...and even then if they don't set a date within a year...throw the ring back in his face; break the engagement, and move on...Don't be used by anyone...be strong.

Answer 10

Just talk to him about it.

Drop hints.

Talk about wedding stuff.

My grandma's friend's fiance never would ask here, she waited forever.

And finally she proposed to him.

It was beautiful.

Answer 11

My boyfriend and i were together 4 years before we moved in together, and it was 3 more years ( and 2 kids!!) after that before he proposed. Don't stress about it, he will eventually marry you.

Don't break up with him just because he hasn't proposed, that is silly.  

Answer 12

maybe he does'nt have the money, maybe he is happy and thinks that getting married will ruin being happy, people have a nasty habit of not working hard at a relationship once they have a piece of paper.

Answer 13

I moved in with my boyf and thought we would never get married, but we got engaged after being together 8 years and will be getting married next year after being together 10 years!!!

Be patient - it will happen and when it does it is really great and your relationship gets even better! x

Answer 14

sweetheart,maybe he's planning it.My fiance fooled me into thinking he wasn't gonna ask til years later.

Answer 15

No, like the first poster says it doesn't matter if you moved in with him, what matters is that he said he didn't want to marry you - and it's been 4 1/2 years!!! Tell your boyfriend that you want to get married and give him an ultimatum - if he doesn't propose in 6 months then you will have to move on. It's not easy but some guys need a little push. If he doesn't budge then keep your word and move on while you're still young.

Answer 16

Well, your workmate is kind of right. Once you're shacking up, guys get totally comfortable and often don't want or need to get married.

However, after that long of dating, something is 'off' anyway - usually a mature couple talks about marriage after at least two years of dating.

So if you want marriage, and he doesn't, then the two of you are just not a match for that. You need to think long and hard here....

Answer 17

No my fiance and I moved in together 4 months after meeting and he asked me. Just try and talk to him about it kind of hint towards it.

Answer 18

I moved my wife in with me after 6 weeks, I proposed a year later then we got married after a further 18 months.

Moving in together will not affect him asking you, he just needs to understand how important it is to you. Be aware though that you need to be sure thats what he wants long term, if it is then its a matter of the right time for both of you.

Your workmate is retarded.

Answer 19

this is a typical guy thing. Now you are there he will take it all for granted, I wish me wouldnt but they do. They got into habbit, girls want a commitment, they just get into habbit and take everything for granted. I really do hope your man is different.  

Answer 20

Best way to find out what he thinks is to ask. Be blunt and get your feelings out there. He might not be ready to marry you yet, he might want to save to get you the perfect ring, he might already be planning to ask you. Tons of things going on.

Men like to be prepared, some men like working out every little detail of their lives before getting married so they can supply you with a good life. Don't stress, it's better to live together for a while anyway. Just enjoy it!