Was it some sort of punishment?

Question

If your boyfriend broke up with you and told everybody that the reason why he did that is because you always wanted to have s*x with him. (note that you were a virgin before you met him and you were 20) After that, cruelly hurt, very fragile some guys abuse you because you're very vulnerable in that period and take advantage of that, and you have s*x with 4 more guys, in a period of 2 years, is it some sort of punishment to prove that you were a bad person and a bad gf and deserved to be dumped by your boyfriend? I really loved my bf, and we had plans to get married, I saved my virginity until I was 20 and thought that I have met the right person. Now I feel dirty,abused and really really hurt.

I went to see a therapist, I believe she helped me the best way she could. But I still feel bad, and I have nightmares and bad thoughts pretty much almost all the time. It's been more than 2 years since I have been abstinent now, and I live in another country than my ex bf, I recently saw pictures of him on his Hi5 page with a new gf, he seems really happy.... I just cannot understand... I came to the point where I don't believe in God anymore.

Answer 1

Whoa! Quit beating up on yourself. It's very unfortunate that your first experience ended up being a negative one. For women, love is emotional; but for men, it's physical. You did so good to wait until you were 20 and you should be proud of that.

You need to take a deep breath and realize that you learn from each and every life experience. Many, many women have been in the same situation as you. We believe that each relationship is 'the one.'

Take care of yourself and get out there and have some fun. Forget that guy. Move on!  

Answer 2

one day youll meet the one youre supposed to be with and youll be happy.. and if that doesnt happen you can kill him.. or ruin his relationship or start somewhere new and become a new person.. BUT WHATEVER YOU DO DONT KILL YOURSELF! because someone out there is wiling to love you you just have to find them..  

Answer 3

Wow girl, I'm so sorry to hear about your traumatic event. I've never gone through anything like that before, so I can't lie to you and say I feel your pain. I met a man at 28, a beautiful man who I became engaged to, and I lost my virginity to him. But fortunately, he treasured that gift I gave to him, rather than abuse it.

Your ex-boyfriend is a b*****d, and what he did was wrong. Fact of the matter is, there are going to be many times in our lifetimes when people (even the ones we love) are going to hurt us. But how we choose to respond, or the things we do AS a response, are totally on ourselves. Life is about choices, not forces.

After your boyfriend hurt you, you probably felt very alone. To some degree, you may have even blamed yourself. So what you did in response was look for something to help ease that pain by falling into the arms of other guys--- guys who you knew, deep down, did not care for you. But you were hurt and needed fullfillment. And what happened? You made a mistake. But it's okay, sweetness. You are going to make millions of mistakes in this lifetime. Don't you EVER think that you're the only one. I've done some things in my lifetime that'll make what you did look like sesame street (wink).

What you need to do, at this point, is stop living in the past. What's done is over with. I know its a hard thing to do, but you can get through this. First and foremost, stop blaming God on this one. You need God more than anything right now. Part of God's gift to us as human beings is giving us the ability to make our own choices rather than having his own will forced on us. Unfortunately, that entails us making a few mistakes now and then, but God understands that we're human and we will. So if God can take it with a grain of salt, then maybe you should learn to lighten up as well. Accept the fact that what your ex did was wrong, you were hurt, you made a mistake afterward by sleeping with a few others, but DON'T ALLOW IT TO BEAT YOU. Try to forgive yourself for what happened first. You were NOT to blame for your boyfriend's insensitivity. HE did that. But don't allow it to affect who you are as a person, and more importantly, your relationship with God. He loves you so much, and you are so worth the fight.

If I were you, I'd get on my knees and pray. I'd ask God for direction, and tell him I need peace. I'd also recommend that you pick up a copy of the book, "The Shack", by William P. Young. It's a nationwide bestseller about a man who's daughter dies and he begins to blame God. To his surprise, God comes to him and eases alot of his pain.

Secondly, try to forgive yourself for the bad decision you made. You are not terrible babe. You're human. Move past this and learn from your mistake. Even if it takes you standing in frong of a mirror chanting over and over: "I made a mistake, but it's OKAY," then do so! Life is about learning LESSONS, and humans are nothing more than the sum total of their experiences. You're only 20 years old. You have so many years of mistakes ahead of you. But don't resent them. Learn from them! This experience has simply taught you that although people will sometimes disappoint you (like men), it's always best to stop and THINK before you react. Maybe, in a way, it's good that this event with your boyfriend happened. I'm not saying I'm glad you were hurt, but maybe this would have prevented something worse down the line. You never know how life works out or why we endure the things we do.

Thirdly, decide that you are STRONG, and that you will NOT ALLOW THIS HURT TO BEAT YOU. In the 20 years that you've been on this earth, already you're deciding that this experience is going to control you. Are you serious? Do you realize how many years you have ahead of you that will be wonderful as well? Future marriage. Buying a house. Giving birth to children, etc. You have the spirit of God in you, and he has never left your side. Pray, give advice to others, talk to others in church groups, or do whatever you can to take control. Because in talking and advising others (especially younger girls who are vulnerable to making the same mistakes), you actually end up healing yourself.

And lastly (this will be the hardest), try to forgive your boyfriend. I know you're angry at him, and I'm not telling you to stop. But sweetie, what goes around DOES comes around. There will be a time when this sh*t is going to catch up with him. It may not happen now, but down the line, he's going to hurt the wrong woman. And when he does, the consequences could cost him dearly. Let God deal with him. As of now, just try to forgive him, so that his grip is no longer controlling you. Say to yourself, "You know what? What he did to me was wrong as h**l. But I'm glad it happened because it's teaching me some things. So I forgive him, even though I can't stand his dumb ***." And let it GO! Stop DWELLING in this c**p. STOP STOP STOP! ENOUGH! It's consuming you. And YOU are the one empowering it by allow it to weaken you. Not your boyfriend!

Now that I've made my point, I wish you all the best. I know you're hurting right now, but the pain will go away in time. I'm hoping this experience, although painful, will not prevent you from trusting other men later. There are plenty of good men out there waiting for someone like you. But like I advised before, use this experience as a lesson. THINK before you ACT. Don't run into the arms of other men simply because you are in pain. The only "man" you should turn to is God. He will never fail you.

One more thing: if you're abstinent now, great. But eventually, if you decide to consummate another relationship, make sure you're either engaged or married first. Take it from me: I waited 28 years before I lost my virginity because I know guys now-a-days will take it and run with it. I made sure I was engaged first, and that this man was going nowhere. Maybe you should try the same. If you're with a man you love and feel he's right for you, pray and ask God for direction. If you feel content, then GO FOR IT!

Good luck again, sweetie. You'll be ok. I'll be praying for you...

Answer 4

Girl God is not punishing you it is just somthing in life that just happened you should not stop  believing in god just because you hit a bump in your life God will not give you any thing that he believes you cant handle you are a strong woman and you will find the right man someday for right now forget all about him and stop going to his hi5 page it will make you more depressed just forget about him and get on with your life you deserve a happy ending

Answer 5

He is immature  and thoughtless for get him u can do better the that t**d

Answer 6

Your ex sounds a bit odd. You wanted to have s*x with him? That's supposed to be a good thing. That sounds like an excuse.

After they get dumped lots of people go through a time where they have s*x with people they shouldn't. Its to do with being hurt and craving affection.

You've been abstinent so thats a good thing. Its probably for the best until you find someone special.

It sounds like you need more therapy. With all the nightmares and bad thoughts its probably a good idea.

You have to let go of your ex. You loved him but he obviously wasn't right for you.

You did nothing wrong. You waited to lose your virginity until it felt right. Its a shame that it didn't work out but no one can predict the future. You did nothing wrong.

You will make it yout of this and you will find someone special who deserves you.

Don't give up :)