Was my behavior towards my coworker inappropriate?

Question

i work in the clothing department of a large department store and "customer service" is really highly valued there. yesterday, my coworker got a call from her sister in law telling her [my coworker] that she [sister in law] has breast cancer.

my coworker absolutely FELL APART. she started screaming and got down on her knees sobbing. customers were stopping to ask me what was going on, so I knelt down and politely asked my coworker to step into the back room until she calmed down. she SLAPPED at me and yelled obscenities.

now, she told our manager I was being "insensitive".....

am i in the wrong here??

Answer 1

No no... its not ur fault at all, i think she got so shattered that she hardly knew what she was doing, and hit u in her frustration.

Dont feel bad - she was going through mental pain and it may have caused her to do things she wudnt even rememebr.

What u did was perfectly right, and if she was in her senses, she wud have understood, but the circumstances were such that she was totally frustrated and she acted this way.

Dont think about it... forgive n forget ^_^

Answer 2

What you did was absolutely appropriate.  Not only did the customers not need to witness your co-worker's 'melt-down' (however valid), but you co-worker needed to be protected from embarrassing herself in that moment.

The fact that your co-worker did not respond positively to your attempt to be helpful is no reflection on you.

Answer 3

oh wow.

thats rough.

um. i don't think you were wrong but you could

have handled it a bit differently? im sure there was

no reason to slap you & go crazy like she did but you

have to understand that getting bad news can

affect people in different ways. her freaking out

is just her way of coping and she felt you werent

being there for her like she needed you to be.

but, you could have possibly talked to her for

a few minutes and asked her to go to the back

so that you could meet her back there to talk in private.

or something along those lines. because simply

asking her to go to the back without having any kind

of sympathy or saying anything to her probably made

her feel even worse about her situation.

dont stress it.

it happens.

Answer 4

I do not think so at all. You asked her politely. Yes, I understand her pain, but she definitely could have went into the back room. I personally think you did the right thing. Crying on the floor wasn't going to help her sister-in-law. But, you were not being insensitive.

Answer 5

Your coworker did get some very bad news, but she also sshould have considered that she was at work. It sounds like she wanted to advertise her sister's misfortune to all the customers, because the correct thing to do would have been to step to the back room and then fall apart. And even in light of the circumstances, slapping at you and cursing--still in full view of customers--when all you were trying to do was to stop her show, was over the top. That really makes it look like she was just trying to get attention.

Answer 6

not at all!.....it sounds like you were just trying to give her some privacy to let her grieve about what was going on. If i were a customer i sure wouldn't want to see one of the employees sobbing on the floor while i was shopping!! I know that's a hard thing to deal with but i know i wouldn't want the whole world watching me deal with it!?

YOU WEREN'T WRONG AT ALL... :)

Answer 7

No, while it could have come off as insensitive to her at the moment it happened now she is just trying to protect herself by placing the blame for her actions on you.  If she keeps this up you can easily get out of it by pointing out the fact that she should not have been on her cell phone on the sales floor in the first place.  Only do this if you have to because that will get into a mud slinging match and that’s never good.  Just talk to you boss calmly and tell him what happened, you wont get in trouble but don't plan on her being your friend in the future.  She has made you her scapegoat for this so she has no desire to be your friend or even decent to you at work from now on.  Just ignore her and everything will be fine.

Answer 8

No, she was insensitive.  You did the right thing.  She should have known better than to act like a fool in public.  Falling apart is okay, but do it in the appropriate spot.  Also, she should be reprimanded for slapping you in public.

Answer 9

No, you aren't.  It's hard news to take and you did the best that you could to stay polite through it.  Don't worry about it, but show that you care too because when something goes wrong for a person they automatically look for someone to blame and it could be you as you were the first to communicate with her after she got the news.  I don't think i could have handled it as well as you did.

Answer 10

No, I don't think you did anything wrong at all. The co-worker should have excused herself into the back room, and broken down there. It's just a professional manner, I know it was very upsetting news, but she's not 3. I don't think you did anything wrong. As long as you didn't slap her, I think you did the correct thing.

Answer 11

heck no!! who is that lady?! okay i understand that it was extreamly horrible news, but slapping someone...thats just ridiculous. You were not wrong to ask her to step in the backroom....explain the story to your manager. Im sure she'll understand. And the women who slapped you owes YOU an a appology! so rude

Answer 12

i dont think u were wrong.. if you indeed where polite.. u didnt tell her to like get over it.. its understandable that she got very emotional .. but u had a right and obligation i think of helping her to a different area .. a more private one so that there wouldnt be a scene or disruptance with the customers.. only of course in a polite way

Answer 13

No, you didn't do anything wrong.  Completely ignoring the fact that it was wierding the customers out, I'm sure it would have been better for her to get herself together in somewhere slightly more private.

Answer 14

You did the right thing.  Your coworker is obviously an immature person if she could not contain her feelings for two seconds while she walked to a breakroom.  She sounds like a spoiled little brat.  Don't let her get to you.  If your manager is even qualified in the least bit for their position, they will see that you were in the right.

Answer 15

No, you did the correct thing. The only thing you may have done different is to give her a hug and suggest that she take some time for herself 'in the back' and guide her there.

Your coworker overreacted by calling you insensitive but you had complete justification for your action. Maybe she needed more sympathy and did a little grandstanding to get it.

Address your manager and explain the situation. Then ask him/her what was the correct way to handle it.

Your coworker may be upset with you for closing her show but don't let it bother you.

Answer 16

Her sister in law should NOT have called her at work to give her news like that.  She should have at least TRIED to get to a back room, dressing room, bathroom, etc. before she fell apart.  (It sounds to me like she wanted attention from everyone in the store!)

You would have been better off to ask her what was wrong and then say something like, "Let's go to the back room and talk about it."  Then you could have led her off the sales floor.  

You definitely could have handled it better, but she had no call to slap you!!!

Answer 17

I don't think you were really in the wrong, where she grieves wouldn't make too much of a difference to her, but it sure would to customers and other workers. I can see why she would react the way she did and can't really say that she shouldn't have though.

It really doesn't seem insensitive though, you were just suggesting that she go in the back where she could have some privacy, I think that I would want that if that happened to me...

That's just my take on it though. And that's assuming that it was politely asked like you said it was.

Answer 18

No you where 100% in the right asking her to go to the back room. She dosent need to make a scene to embarase her or bother the people shopping. If she slapped you and yelled she is actualy in the wrong but you have to take in to concideration she just recieved bad news and was going crazy for a moment.

Answer 19

Not really. She was just upset. You did the right thing in that you got down to her level and spoke to her like an adult. Its probably just the whole impact of it all that made your co-worker react in such a way. Explain to your manager this above and im sure they'll see the light. Speak to the co-worker too.

Answer 20

Absolutely not wrong. You being insensitive could be much worse...like maybe bringing Aggravative Battery charges up on here??? I think maybe she was being just a tad over dramatic...don't you agree? She needs to grow up a little and realize that people aren't mind readers. All she needed to do was tell you she would be back in a bit, that is was very personal and walk off.

Answer 21

If her slap made contact with you, you're the victim of this particular incident and she should be the one in danger of job loss. What you were doing was in the best interests of the store and you should make sure your manager knows that.

Answer 22

Uhhhh.  NO - you're not in the wrong.  She should've excused herself and acted like an adult especially in front of customers.  Sounds like a drama queen to me!!

Yes, it was bad news but she really should try to control her emotions a little better.  Her sister in law didn't call her to tell her she was dying, did she?   Then, maybe I could understand it.  Bad on her sister in laws part.  She should've waited to call.

Answer 23

I think there comes a time when customer service must come second to compassion. I think you should have approached her gently and asked if she was alright, tell her you're there for her and escort her to the back room not in a way that you're taking her away because she's making a scene, but because you're trying to comfort her in a personal environment. I think you were quite insensitive, sorry.

Answer 24

Yes you are, you should have left her alone. It's tough to hear from a family member that they have any kind of cancer. Cancer can kill. You should have told the customers what happened. They would have understood.

Put yourself in her shoes. What would you feel like if someone told you that you were being a distraction to others when you just learned that your sister-in-law had breast cancer?

Answer 25

Maybe you were insensitive.  Judging from her reaction, this is a VERY important person in her life.  For you to simply toss her in a back room is tantamount to telling a child "Go to your room until you calm down."  I also don't understand the answers of many people on here saying a reaction like that is immature--not all people are hardened Northern Europeans who think the world revolves around them. Some of us actually care about our families.

Might have been better results had you looked past your own view of everything and put yourself in her shoes for one second.

Answer 26

You did noting wrong.  I'd think they could look at security tape/recordings of the incident to clarify what happened.  You were not insensitive, you were trying to help her and calm the situation in the store.   ...  It does seem odd that her sister called her at work to break such news. ... Well that's a different topic...I'd think she'd have wanted to step away from public view to have a good cry or even a 'break down'.  It is not 'usual' for people to need to behave so emotionally in public.

Answer 27

Not really, I mean, in a large department store, it's highly necessary to consider the customers also. One can understand the pain that your coworker was going through, but then at the same time you can't expose your customers to that kind of dramatic display either.

It really depends on the way you said it. It would be acceptable and definitely not inappropriate if you said it and meant it in a way like you understand the pain that she's going through and would really like to help somehow, but currently it's not appropriate for her to display her pain in front of the customers and it would help her to sort out her pain in a private setting.

However, it'd be rather inappropriate if you somewhat told her that she's creating a scene and should probably go in the back so such drama won't be exposed to the customers.

I'd really have to be their to fully understand the level of inappropriateness in your tone and way. However, by the way you explained the situation and your response, you do not seem to have behaved in an inappropriate manner at all.

Answer 28

Not at all.  You were trying to help someone who was in complete shock.  I believe the way she was informed at work from her sister was inappropriate.  Her sister should have told her in person, sitting down, and crying together.  But everyone reacts to things differently.

Answer 29

Well obviously the person was devastated and wasn't acting rationally.  You were entirely correct in asking her leave the showroom floor.  Your actions may be considered insensitive, but she was being insensitive and inconsiderate of others by not going back there on her own.  I wouldn't think your manager would do anything to you about this and there really wasn't anything else you could have done other than called a manager over and let them handle it.

Answer 30

No. You are not in the wrong.  You were in the wrong place at the wrong time.  NOTHING you could have said or done would have been acceptable to your co-worker.  She had just been hit with very serious medical news about someone she loves dearly.   Please try to imagine how you might feel in her shoes - all you want to do is swear and strike out.  I've been there.   There is a good chance the co-worker will not even really remember doing this in a few days.

Again, you are definitely not in the wrong.  I can't imagine you being disciplined by your manager, but if you are spoken with, you might tell the manager you were trying to help the co-worker have some privacy for an obviously intensely personal need.