Was this a mean thing to do to my son?

Question

I have a very unruly 6 year old son who talk back to my wife and I, refuses to obey the slightest order, damages property, spits at us, disrupts his classroom...we have had THREE babysitters tell us they no longer want to watch him for us.

Well, after sitting on a thumbtack in my car seat, I decided I'd try a small surprise myself. I remembered him constantly asking for a Playstation 3....so I went out and bought one. Then I took it out the following day. I called my son and said "Look, I got you a Playstation 3! But you know what, since you can't ever do as your told and insist on your mean pranks, I'm going to go give to to a poor child in an orphanage who deserves it!" and started wrapping it up. Of course, he bawled, and I said "Good boys get good toys. Think about that the next time you deliberately disobey us!" Of course, I just went and got a refund on the ps3

He's been crying all day, and my wife says I was an as*hole for that. I just want to teach a lesson! What do you say?

Answer 1

Hmmm....not sure.  Interesting idea to do that however he might just act up more now because you got him the Playstation and then took it away.  My son was very similar to yours with the damaging property, spitting, disrupting classrooms and daycare and honestly the only thing that worked was taking him to a child psychologist to help with his behaviour...it did work but it took a while!

Answer 2

BURN!

Answer 3

Nah not out of the question. But he might not have gotten the the point. I have 3 kids all with varying degrees of special needs. There is a "diagnosis" out there where kids defy authority. Check with your ped about getting your son tested the younger the better. If the doc says "he's just a boy" just keep pushing. You know your kid best and it might only get worse as he gets older.

Don't let your wife get to you. My hubby and I disagree alot on how to raise the kids and when one of the kids shows even more signs that are not typical than other kids tempers flare.

Take care and good luck

Answer 4

nice. u did the right thing. taught him a lesson keep up the good work

Answer 5

No, I think you made your point.

Dads have a different approach to mums, and we often disagree.

It will have a better effect if you write a list of things he needs to do for 4 weeks, and then if he does well, you will look at the PS again.   Reward the good behaviour and make sure you don't reward bad.

I think you need to talk to the school about some help with this boy of yours.  Before he gets much bigger, and before he destroys all chance of an education

Answer 6

as long as it worked.....

but  maybe before you took it back you should have allowed him a chance to "earn" it, by changing his behavior, and doing as he was told, then it would be more of a long term fix. and let him know if he cant behave THEN it was going to a kid in the orphanage, make him behave a few days, or a week, or whatever you choose before he can even take it out of the box and so forth.

Answer 7

I just have to ask how do you suppose your son got so "unruly"? Has he always been this way? How does he do in school? To me it sounds like he has some sort of behavior disorder or something.

This is not to say that a disorder makes the behavior excusable. My six year old daughter has obsessive compulsive disorder which causes her to do some pretty crazy stuff. We started seeing a child psychologist last year and it's taken a long time but we're starting to get a handle on her behaviors. Even though she has OCD she's learned that she still has boundries and has to stay within them. It sounds to me that your child needs to learn this.

If you don't think he has any issues do you think he's just inherently bad? Afterall this child is only 6 years old he most likely had to get his behaviors from somewhere. I'm not trying to call you out as parents but it would probably be a good idea to take a closer look at your parenting. Do you have other children? If so do they act like this too?

As far as the playstation thing goes I can understand where you were coming from. It was a desperate attempt from a desperate parent. I know this because I've been there with my daughter many times. However being spiteful with a child isn't going to teach them better behavior. Furthermore these problems run much deeper then just giving your boy a toy, even a great one.

My guess is that most six year olds while not always the easiest bunch to parent are eager to please their parents deep down. I'm betting your son doesn't feel so great about himself acting this way.

Now please understand again that I'm not being one of those people trying to pin every normal childhood behavior on some disorder. I just think if what you are saying about your son is accurate my best guess is that he needs help. It would most likely do your whole family well to seek therapy. Please at least try to visit with a child psychologist for your son. If you don't like the first one, look for another one. It's very important that you find one you feel comfortable with.

Case in point, the first "counselor" I took my daughter to when she was five wanted to put her on prozac only five minutes after talking alone with her. She told me my daugther wanted to hurt herself and was a danger. This couldn't be further from the truth. She also said that young children do not suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder. I knew in my gut that this lady was WAY off. So I researched online and finally ended up taking my daughter to a child psychologist at Mayo Clinic. It was so worth it. It's taking time but all our lives are already SO much better for it.

Even though I know it's hard sometimes not to dislike your child because of their behaviors you have to try to look at what is underneath those behaviors. I'm sure deep down there is your little boy who needs help to learn boundaries and discipline.

Good luck to you.

Answer 8

agreed, if you give it to him he knows he can play u like a flute

Answer 9

Well you have to try something because his behavior is already out of control and not to sound mean that is your fault(and wifes) You raised him to now and he acts like that. Sometimes extream behavior takes extream measures. Make sure he knows when he is doing something worng and make him explain to you why it is wrong or mean. Each bad deed should have it's own punishment to go along with it.

Answer 10

an @sshole??? Sounds like your wifes parenting is what led to your sons behavior....She sounds like the typical negative reinforcement type.

Answer 11

Six-year-olds aren't supposed to be unruly. I believe it was the way you brought him up. I was brought up with discipline, so I was never a brat at the age--just to my friends, but then my parents never dicated how I was supposed to act towards my friends until one of their parents told on me.

Frankly, I don't think that was harsh. It sounds like he's a spoiled brat. And you might have made him that way.

Answer 12

Yes, you should've at least hid it in the closet or something and if he did get better you could've given it to him, if a few months went by and he still wasn't cooperating  then you could take it back.

Answer 13

didn't you ever hear of spanking?

alot cheaper than buying a toy and giving it away.

You did wrong!

Answer 14

good job, too many parents think rewarding there child always work, but in the real world they will not always be rewarded and when they don't get something out of it they wont even try wow that's really the kind of people i want running things in the world.but your teaching him he will want lots of things but your wants are not needs. kids need to learn that material things are not who you are.and also they need to learn the value of money. you are  doing him a world of good it may not show now but when he is older he will say dad now i understand why you did that.6yrs is not to young if you wait till he is older he will be set in his ways kind of a habit  that will only get harder the older he gets to correct bad habits are hard to quit the longer they go on.

Answer 15

way to turn the table on your son!  Now you do not give in to his screaming.  He just might listen to you now.

Answer 16

i have two children thank god i haven't had to deal with this issue. I have read the responses and find pengword to be best choice for this. Been there done that.

Answer 17

I agree with you. My question to you, though, did it work? Has he made any attempt at behaving himself?

Answer 18

Haha, I thought it was great. Good job daddy! Even if it didn't work, I would have been happy just seeing the kid getting his just desserts. Who cares if it's cruel; punishment is not meant to be nice or rewarding. And sheesh, that kid is putting THUMBTACKS on chairs. That's dangerous, you could have poked your jewels. Seriously.

Answer 19

intresting approach-it may work and no i dont find it mean! But in all honesty i knew a child like that and they had a disease and now have to have regular visits for help-think about the childs environment and attitude-there may be more to this.

Answer 20

hah my dad did that to my sister only he just gave it to her and said if she couldt be good he would take it back.  hahah what a joke.  i think it was the next week that she shut down his cpu and locked it in the cuppord and then hid the key to it.  so taht didnt work i like your idea much better

   i would strike a little bargain with him that if he can show you how nice he can be, he can earn the game.  if he continues being good even after he gets it then maybe after several weeks let him choose a new game or something...

Answer 21

I think you could have found a better way to get the point across to your son - perhaps taking him with you to the store, casually walking by the game, and when he asked for it, explained to him that he wouldn't be getting it because of his behavior.  Your intentions were good, the execution was off, that's all.

In the meantime, I think you should ask your pediatrician for a recommendation to a child psychiatrist - his behavior sounds like Oppositional Defiance Disorder to me...my niece has been diagnosed with this...you might want to have him evaluated and find out.

Good luck.  I hope you get a hold of his behavior soon, otherwise it's just gonna get worse.  Please, also remember, consistancy is so important when they are this young, you must stand your ground, united with your wife.

Answer 22

You absolutely did the right thing. Curb the behavior now before you are dealing with the same problems when he is a teen and then harder to discipline. Good job Dad!! Stick to that punishment and do not go and buy it back anytime soon. Make him earn it!! Way to Go!!!

Answer 23

what you did was awesome of corse you taught him a lesson and a good one!

Answer 24

I don't think it will help improve his behavior.

Let us know if it does.

Answer 25

Clever idea... But I don't think it will teach him much. You want to teach him what is right, not what is wrong. By buying a ps3 and then returning it because he was missbehaving you were making him more upset and telling him how horrible he was. Instead of telling him what is wrong, tell him what is right.

The next time he spits on you, don't say ' YOU DO NOT SPIT ON ME!! UNDERSTAND?! '. Instead, say ' Let's not do that, okay? '. The more kind you are, the more likely he will respond. Nobody likes to be yelled at like a dog and be expected to respond. I couldn't stand it when I was younger.

Anyways, if possible, get a lock on the outside of his bedroom door. The next time he missbehaves, tell him kindly WHAT to do, not what not to do. If he still missbehaves, then send him to his room and take out anything that can entertain him. Some children are kind of funny about going to their rooms. Some will cry and say they hate you but will be walking to their room at the same time. Others will sit their and say ' leave me alone '. If he does this, just pick him up and carry him to his room. Set him on his bed, and leave. Lock the door on the outside ( if possible ), and leave him there no matter how long he cries. If he is balling for a half hour, leave him in their until he stops for a few minutes. If he is silent, make him sit in his room for about 10 minutes.

Sorry If I'm writing alot, I tend to type veyr detailed:)

Anyways, NEVER give in no matter how long he cries. And DONT go back to the store and get the ps3 again... :) Good luck:)

Answer 26

Well it was kind of meann

but you have to disipline your child err else he'll never learn

and he'll never stopp

so what you did was good my momma taught me disipline

but ferr a 6 yrr old

it was a little harsh but you gotta do what you gotta do:)

Answer 27

i think its  tad harsh..

he is only six..six year olds are expected to be unruly..

maybe he is add or adhd..

Answer 28

i think that was a good parenting move, im a babysitter and i knw about those kids and that should make him think twice about doing things he's not supposed to be doing,

Answer 29

its just right.

a little boy like that needs discipline.

Answer 30

Sounds like you need to call the Super Nanny.

Answer 31

I would have shown him the playstation and told him that HE had to take it to a foster home/orphanage and give it to someone else.