Was this fair and what would you have done? :-$?

Question

Hi guys, this is another post about my punishment from my stepmom of 3 years, michelle (Shell). I'm female and 16 years old. My dad was away with work for 2 weeks so Shell was lookin after me. I went out with 4 mates that i know dad & shell hate me hanging out with and stood outside the shops smoking. I told Shell i stopped smoking 6months ago. She saw me at the shops but i didn't see her, when i got home i stank of smoke & when shell asked me if i had been smoking i said 'For f**ks sake, NO!! Just get off my back!' I then went upstairs. Shell shouted up to me that i was now grounded for 2 weeks so i snuck out of my window and met my boyfriend, he told me not to but i did anyway. We got drunk & smoked a bit more. I got arrested & brought home. Shell let me sleep it off & the next morning she confiscated my phone and TV for 3 weeks. I told her to 'f**k off' so she added another week on. I then slammed the door whilst her foot was still in it and i broke it. She had already confiscated my computer for skipping school so she grabbed my wrist, spun me around and gave me 5 HARD spanks on my bottom over my jeans. My dad only spanks me as a very last resort but when my dad married shell 3 years ago we all agreed she can spank me & my 2 little sisters aged 4 and 6. Shell has lived with us for 5 years. Was this punishment fair and how would you have punished me?

X

Answer 1

It is illegal to hit children now, I would call the police she is not a good step mother. Bad egg.

As for what I would do:

If you choose to smoke that is up to you, I would just tell you that I am willing to help you quit if you want.

I would take away a dollar from your allowance everytime you swore, as kids like money, they want to earn as much as they can.

Since you lied to her about smoking, I would ground you for a couple of days, as you are probably embarrased and really it isn't my business, you are old enough to decide if you want to smoke or not, I would never buy you the cigarettes. But you still lied.

You sneaking out would get you about two weeks of grounding though, and not in your room, in my presence, spending all your free time in my presence, and probably not even letting you sleep in your own room. As parents, we give you your privacy and we expect you to respect that we do and you didn't.

I know that 16 year olds drink, I would just preach safety around it. If you got arrested though I would definitely not let you go out for a long time, spend a lot of time with the family, make sure you pay the fine if you have a job, or have you do chores around the house adding up to the amount. And I would have you write letters to all the close family members saying that you are sorry for disappointing them. I would not take away your phone or TV as I know that 16 year old girls need those items, and there is no point, thats just saying I have control over you, not really teaching you anything.

You would be grounded as well for skipping school, for every day a week. And you would write a letter to your teachers apologizing for wasting their time and asking what you can do to make it up. Again, I wouldn't take away your computer. A 16 year old should not be "spanked" even if it wasn't illegal.  

Answer 2

Yup.  It was fair, and by your own words.  Would I have done the same?  No.  But - believe me, you would rather deal with her than me.  It sounds like you are well on the way to serious trouble, by your behavior.  Just what is your goal?  I will wreck my life so you will be sorry?  Why hurt yourself?  And why hurt your loved ones?  Even your boyfriend, before getting drunk with you (dumb) told you not to sneak out.

And, in case you are wondering, Shell loves you.  You are giving her one huge whole crock of s___ and she is holding a boundary for you.  If she didn't care, she wouldn't put so much effort in trying to break through your goal of self-destruction.

I would say she kept her temper way, way long before she spanked you.  (I don't think spanking really works in the long run, but you all agreed to it, all of you, and I would definitely have felt you were working my last nerve after all of the above.)

What's wrong?  Do you have a clue?  Mad at your mom?  Your dad?  Do you have any siblings?  Afraid your stepmom's going to disappear, too, so you're going to run her off first to end the suspense?  

It really sounds like the last.  Why don't you just give it up and ask her how you and your boyfriend can quit drinking.  Aren't you worn out?  Hasn't she been around long enough that you can curl up next to her and cry your eyes out, instead of using tobacco and alcohol to pretend to a toughness you don't have?  (Or need.)

Answer 3

I'm  not a big fan of spanking adolescents.  It doesn't make a lot of sense.  

But candidly, I'm surprised she didn't call the police and charged you with assault.  

Sweetie, you're going to have to get your act together here.  Smoking is bad for you.  Drinking is bad for you.  Lying is bad for you.  Slamming doors onto people's feet and breaking them is bad for you and for them.  

You aren't proving anything by behaving this way, except that you deserved the punishment you were handed.

Answer 4

I was a little ***** too when I was your age.. when you grow up you'll realize how stupid you're being and hopefully for your sake develop a relationship with shell  knowing that she was only trying to bring you up right.. though you were probably headed in the wrong direction before she got a hold of you.

And if you don't, your future is grim. try being a little less self centered and more a kid your age

Answer 5

She sounds like she did everything right, didn't you post a question just like this a few months ago?

Answer 6

You got drunk and smoked, snuck out, mouthed off, arrested etc.?   You got off easy.  You would have been grounded with no luxuries for the rest of the school year if you were my kid.

Answer 7

you no wat i think your step mom was being nice cuz i would have killed you, you would have been grounded for a year  and iam not kidding  you need to get help with wat ever your goin through stop doing these crazy things to every one you can get killed by doing this one day good luck trying to be good

Answer 8

Yes, it was fair!  If there was anything that could have been done, I probably would have done that too.  I hope you got it from your dad too when he got home.  Grow up, little girl!

Answer 9

If she took your computer, how are you asking this question?

Answer 10

Is this a serious question or are you just bored?  I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and consider the fact that you are serious.  I would have to say that the punishment was NOT fair.  You sound like a little spoiled brat and if it was me, I would have given you a little more than 5 "spanks" over your jeans.  You are skipping school, smoking, drinking and getting arrested, not to mention using foul language and being VERY disrespectful to your parents.  I know you think you know everything, but you are too young to be doing what you are doing...your parents know what it best for you and you need to stop acting like that.  I feel bad for Shell and more power to her...sounds like you need a good old fashion A$$ woopin, soap in your mouth and please believe, you wouldnt be allowed to watch television at all...cell phone, computer...NOTHING!  Your father and her decided on how she would handle your punishments, so if you dont want to be punished stop acting like a brat!

Answer 11

First of all - if you had been arrested... you would have still been with the police. There's no way on earth if I was your mom, or stepmom, that i would have even picked your obviously, spoiled, butt up with the way you were acting.

More than likely - every single bit of this is made up. I imagine it is.. because I can tell you - that if you did something like that to me - it would probably be years before you could function well enough again to even type.

Answer 12

Well, you'd NEVER live long enough to be ungrounded were you in my house.  (That's not exactly correct but you would NOT believe the consequences!!!)