Was this neglect what are the side effects of it

Question

so when i was little.my brothers use to pick on me.sometimes it was play fighting.other times i think it was serious.fo example,when i would go upstairs my brother would choke me.and my mom would try to get him to let go but he would never listen.he use to make fun of my eye because its lazy.i got fed once a day normally because we had no money. sometimes my parents would watch if my brother beat me.but the thing is i dont really rember if it was acually serious

.and now im 14.i told my mom im athiest and right away she goes no your not.also my mom is scitzo frinic.so the famly fights alot.but its not like there never nice.also i have a black bf.and my brother uses the word n*gger alot.and it pisses me off. and have very bad self confidence but i just relised that may be why.im pre-anerxic i use to cut and get high.i dont listen to rules because i dont care.i ran away from home and got caught.now im almost 15.and focusing on getting my life together.working hard in school getting married and going to collage and controlling my anger.but the thing is im not sure if what i expiernced was abuse.i mean it might sound bad if i write it.but for me i dont think its that bad.idk im confused someone help

Answer 1

In my opinion, abuse and neglect have to do with parents failing to  nurture, teach and protect their children.  If you brother was choking you and they did not intervene because they wanted to teach you to stick up for yourself then I don't think that is neglect. (Please understand that parents exercise poor judgement some times.)  If the did not invervene because they thought it was entertaining, that is a different story.  Part of abuse and neglect has to do with how you feel about the situation and what their parenting taught you about yourself.  Child Protective Services uses bruises or marks to diffentiate between abuse and discipline or normal sibling conflict.  If your brother "beat" you and did not leave marks they would not get involved.  You can still be abusive and not leave marks, but marks indicate abuse.  Do you remember having bruises. I have done therapy for years with abused and neglected children and the lines are not always clear.  I think it is important to look towards the future and realize you are getting more powerful everyday.  You are growing stronger physically and smarter everyday.  In 3 years you will be able to make your own choices and make your life what you want it to be.  If you think your family is a little wacked, but you can hang in there, do it.  If you are being hurt talk to someone about it.  Honestly, teachers or counselors would probably end up calling CPS.  Also, most kids that I have worked with who have been beat up alot feel very vunerable and tend to over-react when they feel vunerable.  Realizing that you are no longer a small child and gaining a sense of power may help with your anger.  

Take care

Answer 2

Whether or not it was technically abuse, it obviously caused you emotional harm.  Seek out a counselor so you can work through these feelings and overcome all the negativity.

Answer 3

I have walked more than a mile in your shoes. Your parents arent exactly good role models hence your brothers violence and bad attitude looks like it got to him too. You have to save yourself this time honey and it means you have to care. Your parents have their own problems and they say when you know better you do better and it looks like the parental unit dont know much. But you do, you sound smart, sweet and very intune to the world and the ppl around you. Find your passion and go for it. You will be an adult soon enough and you will be rid of them which is what got me through that disaster I call childhood. For goodness sake dont end up like them. Find a life, a home and joy. It is waiting for you right now. But not caring, being apathetic, isnt that what your parents have done to you and your brother? Dont be like them. Im sorry to say, Be better than them.  

Answer 4

Well, it doesn't sound like a super atmosphere, and is certainly not the most healthy. but I am not sure I would call it abuse.. Brothers and sisters pick on one another.. I think it's part of learning how to get along in the world.. If you can live thru being harassed by siblings, then you can handle what the world has to throw at you..

You do have low selfesteem.. You should work on that.. How about you get a part time job.. Maybe join a club, get around people who are positive and up lifting. Find something you do well and stick with it.

Sorry things seem to be so bad.. Some people have bad situations and they grow up and continue that in their life. Some people realize it was a bad situation and vow not to put any one else thru that same torture.. You should do that.. You realize that it's a problem.. vow to never inflict the same things on anyone else.. You sound like a good person.. Find something you like to do, something productive, something that makes you happy and start to get some self confidence.

Answer 5

I commend you for taking responsibility for your life and doing what you can to control it and better yourself.  

It is normal for kids to fight, sometimes as parents we can't take all the bickering back and forth and are not referees either.  I have four kids, they use to fight and argue, sometimes they still do.  They would  get upset with me for not stopping the arguing and fighting when I don't know who started what.  I  leave them alone in hopes that they will work things out but when it gets physical, I know it is time to step in.  So if it is physical, someone needs to step in, if you can't get that kind of help you should go and talk to an adult that you trust and see if they can't support you and if that doesn't help you could always go and talk to the police and see what they would suggest.

Good Luck!