Question:

Was this offensive?

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Ok so I was just out with some friends for dinner and there was this girl there that I only kinda knew. Any way I was talking to her and she was like 'Oh I was from there' and I was like 'oh cool you must have moved when you were little cause you don't have the accent' and she 'was like no' and I said 'oh but like ok' and then she said 'I'm adopted, I moved when I was 8 weeks'.

She didn't seem to mind and we continued chatting about other things and forgot about it.

But I feel mean now! Was that mean?

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  1. no u did not know she was adopted


  2. From what you say, it doesn't sound as if she was offended -- so that probably means it wasn't offensive.

    I'm not quite sure which part you mean might have been offensive. Only thing that you said you brought up was her (lack of) accent. Sometimes remarking on someone's lack of an accent >can< be offensive. For instance a lot of people that look Asian get constantly told they "speak very good English" or "don't have an accent" -- when that is hardly surprising since they were born in the US and only speak English (just as an example). Also they often get asked where they are from, and if they say "California" or "Chicago" they get asked "No, I mean, where are you REALLY from?" (wink wink, nudge nudge).

    THAT type of questioning, that assumes that based on appearance someone can't be American IS offensive to many people.

    It doesn't sound like you did that, though. From what you say, she was the one that brought up where she was born and the fact that she was adopted. So it doesn't sound as if you were mean -- rather kindly sensitive to the feelings of others, actually!

  3. No, that's not offensive.

  4. Well if you read a few more of the questions around here... she is 17% more likely to come back and kill you...not because you asked but because she's adopted

  5. I do not think it was offensive......I am sure she does not want you to over analyze what she said.

    ***  Samone....that was funny!

  6. no..how would you know she was adopted.

  7. No I wouldn't think so

  8. Don't worry about it at all0 it seems that she is fine with being adopted.  You are fine

  9. DOESNT sound mean to me.i dont know why the adoption info was necessary for her to bring up though

  10. I think you are over analyzing the conversation.

  11. What? I don't understand what was mean? If you would have been like "oh you must have moved when you were little because your accent sucks" and then she would have been like "oh my god are you serious" and then you would have been like "yeah i am" then she would have been like " i was adopted' and you wold have been like "oh my god so why did your parents give you up, were you a brat" ..That would have been mean. But like since you didn't like say that, I think we are all okay now.

  12. No, I think that yes you feel bad but how were you too know? If she had no problem telling you then I am sure she has no problem with you asking!! its ok girl trust me..

  13. You couldn't have known she was adopted, hon. In a way she put you on the spot, but the fact that you didn't know she was adopted is not really that big a deal. It certainly isn't to her.

    You weren't being mean, you were just being friendly, and I don't think you should worry about it anymore.

  14. No, you weren't at all mean. You just didn't know and that's not your fault. You're fine, you're not mean!

    Best of luck.

  15. No, if anything it was cheesy of her to consider herself "from there" if she only lived there for her first 8 weeks.  You're fine.
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