Was this rude of my mom? if not, then why am i upset by this!?

Question

i have 3 sons. 6, 4, and newborn. it was my first time taking them all out to eat tonight. my mom went with us. well, my hubby is deployed right now so im trying to get used to doing everything by myself. which is fine by me, but of coarse its going to be stressful on me at first until i get the hang of things.

anyways....

the baby cried alot and she could tell something was wrong with me so i said "im just stressed out thats all" and then she said "well, maybe its because you have 3 boys".

it just hurt my feelings for some reason. like what good in the situation does telling me that do? am i being to sensitive?

Answer 1

It's okay for her to be stressed out by your kids, i would be too, its hard in a restaurant, your mother didn't need to put that on you though.  You can tell her that it bothered you and for next time, maybe you can be more prepared for her attitude.

Answer 2

I agree.. i would definatly be upset as well. But do remember you do have a newborn baby right now so you are ultra sensitive!! This is obviously normal. Just talk to your mom and tell her you didnt like what she said, im sure she will understand!

And good luck with your husband and dealing with the boys!

Answer 3

I think she meant "of course you are stressed, you have three young boys (who wouldn't be) and a husband who is far from home".  

I don't think she is blaming you or telling you to just deal with it.

Hang in there!

Answer 4

I dont think she meant to hurt you by saying that, she's just saying it because since you have 3 boys, it is very stressful. Dont worry about it :)

Answer 5

Really you are reallly sensitive right now expecially with a newborn and daddy not being around to help.  Having just 2 boys is hard enough on your own (heck having 2 girls would be the same way) and you have 3 so it is going to be stressful and I am sure that is all your mom meant by the comment was that she understands you would be stressed out raising 3 boys basically on your own right now

Answer 6

maybe she thinks that having three boys is just a pain in the *** but it could also mean that she thinks that you arent fit to take care of them by yourself, I have a sister.....not blood related but still sisterly her mom kept tellign her that she couldnt take care of her son btu she was doign fine!!

Answer 7

It was rude of your mom. She can see you're stressed and obviously in a hard position right now--trying to take care of 3 kids by yourself while your hubby's in Iraq. Kudos to you and your husband. I can't imagine what you're going through right now. I'm sure your mom wasn't being rude intentionally, but it was rude. Let her know you need as much support and positive energy as possible in such a crazy time. Good luck and congrats on the new arrival!

Answer 8

I think you're being WAY too oversensitive to your mom.  All she meant by that is that three boys are a handful...and they are!  Particularly with a newborn. She just didn't want you to feel self-conscious, and she was trying to be sympathetic.  I think you're a little on edge now with everything that is happening.  Be patient with yourself, chill out a bit, and make a point of not taking things personally right now.

Answer 9

I don't think she meant to hurt your feelings, but the way she said it and what she said usually is a hurtful comment. People seem to think that having over 2 kids is a lot and think people who have more are crazy. I think you are doing fine especially with your man deployed. Let her know that comments like that hurt your feelings and that you are very happy to have three wonderful boys and you would like her to be happy about having three wonderful grandsons.

congrats on the new baby

Answer 10

Its stressful having a newborn and you just want someone to understand that what you are doing is not easy and somewhat overwhelming. You were upset because you were reaching out to her for some understanding and maybe some encouragement and she didnt give that to you. I have a newborn as well and one day my mom came to help me clean and I expressed to her how overwhelmed I was because I wanted her to encourage me. Well she took it as that I didnt appreciate her helping me clean and yelled at me. I know how it feels to need that extra hug and instead get a cold answer. Your mom didnt mean it. Its been a long time since they had a newborn and they forget how hard it is.

I would like to encourage you right now. Its hard being a "single mom" and I think you are doing a great job. Just hang in there, mama things will get easier. I thank you for your sacrifice for my and my baby's freedom. You and hubby truly are a great people.

Answer 11

Amanda, your hormones are still whacked out, and your husband is away, and possibly in danger.  You have a newborn, too!

Of COURSE you are stressed, and also, you are emotionally vulnerable.  It's possible your mother was being rude and digging at you for having another baby, but it's more likely she was just trying to help, and didn't mean it that way.

Since you are stressed right now, try to let this go.  Assume the best intentions on your mother's part, and let it go.

And thank you and your husband for your sacrifice in serving our country.  Real Americans DO appreciate you!

Answer 12

I think you are being very sensitive, which is understandable with 3 children, 1 being a newborn and a husband deployed .

Answer 13

If this were me I'd be ticked a bit too. You're mom is gender typing your kids with the old stereotype that "all boys are wild, rowdy and stress people out".  I have a son myself and that kind of talk from people about boys being slow or rowdy all the time annoys me.  Next time she does say something like this just look at her and tell her "it has nothing to do with my children because my sons are all wonderful." That should shut her up and make your point without going over the edge.  It is natural you should be stressed with your worry about your husbands safety, him being away from your family, etc..It is a big adjustment for all of you.  You're mom should have thought of that rather than inadvertantly blaming your children.

On a side note, your husband is doing a wonderful service for this country. Thank him for his service for those of us back home and I hope he returns quickly to you and your children safely.

Answer 14

ignore her she probably didnt mean it like that you love your kids and thats all that matters and i hope you man makes it home safe and soon to help you out

Answer 15

aww.

dont worry about.

Answer 16

i think she didnt mean to hurt your feelings... but if you have a newborn its prolly your emotions still getting to you.. :) boys can be a handful though but a blessing you will do fine!! Smile!!

Answer 17

I think your being sensitive. She probably didn't mean anything bad by it just meant boys are a handful that is all.

Answer 18

Honey, I'm sure she didn't mean anything by that...I think she just meant that "having 3" is stressful...and I know it is...I just think you might be a little sensitive because it was your first time with all of them.. and of course, it's not going to be easy but you'll get the hang of it ...the baby may have cried alot maybe because he could feel your tension...relax...and don't be afraid to get your 6 yr old to help you out a little...just tell him he's moma's big boy and you need him to help you...I know it has to be rough emotionally right now especially with your husband in Iraq...but please tell him we thank him so much for being willing to go...we all know that the spouses sacrifice just as much as the ones going over there...MY FAMILY AND I TRULY APPRECIATE HIS SERVICE...THANK HIM FOR US..  I have to say that I admire any woman who is trying to raise her children alone..whether it is for short term or long term...It takes strength and determination...God bless you and yours...HH