Was this rude or am I overreacting?

Question

I have an 8 year old daughter and her playmate frequently comes to our house. On at least three different occasions she has spent the night here, and I have had no problem with it at all. In fact, the last time she was here, I took her along with my daughter to a festival with riders and paid for her ticket.

Well, my daughter went over to her house to spend the night but came back an hour later saying that she asked the mother for something to eat, but was told "This isn't a charity mission. If you want a free meal, go home!"

Furious, I marched my daughter back over to their house, demanded for the overnight bag with all her clothes, then told the mother that if that is the way she treats my daughter after I was kind and charitable to hers, then her daughter was no longer welcome at my house. With that, we left.

My wife says I need to cool off, but there is NO excuse for that, especially after I have fed and spent money on her own daughter! Am I doing the right thing?

Answer 1

Wow!! That is terrible to even say to an 8 year old and to disrespect you in general!!

That mother has issues. Did she drive your daughter home? Or did your daughter walk home?

I am very glad you went back over there and did the right thing. You should march back over there, without your daughter. Ask her to talk privately with you, and discuss the situation. If she disagrees with the situation, well, to bad, get out of there!

That mother might of been drunk as well. Or might have been abusive in the past.

Plus since you paid for her own daughters ticket to go to the fair, she owes you then. Not money wise.

Ugh, this made me so angry!!

Edit: That is true though. I think you should let the daughters still play. Since it wasn't the other daughters fault, she shouldn't be punished for it either. Maybe let them go to the park but for sure not her house.

Answer 2

i totally agree with you and you're doing the right thing... The other girl's mom is the one who is overreacting and is super unpleasant with her petty acts. I couldn't tolerate such person... if i were you, i would do the same thing too! You treat her daughter well and they are suppose to reciprocate isnt it? It's hard to find kind souls out there these days... And what's more is that your daughter only ask her fren's mom for something to eat... she wasn't setting her standards so high and like demanding the mother to bring her here and there to get food... your daughter is just asking for whatever their house has, right? I don't see anything wrong with that... you see, if she's kind enough to give some biscuits to ur daughter, i think that will make everybody's day pleasant!

Well, does the girl's family encounters financial problems or they eat simple and couldn't afford much? If not, YOU'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING, MAN! =D

Answer 3

Overreacting would be slapping her. I think you did the right thing. I can't believe she would talk to a child like that.

Answer 4

did you over react? did she have to pick her teeth up off the floor? thats bull...she has no right to act that way toward ANY child. does she think her child never eats when she comes to your house? Makes me wonder what kind of life her poor daughter has. its a shame that it will effect her and your daughters relationship, but i wouldnt be put in a position of responsibility for someones kids who acted like that, you never know whats going to come up from it.

Answer 5

I can't say I blame you at all.  That mother was beyond rude but who are you really punishing?  You are punishing your daughter and the womans daughter.  I think I would have let it go and only permit the womans daughter to come over in the future if they wanted to play.  I would no longer let my daughter over there though.

Answer 6

ooh. that lady sounds like a *****. i think you did the right thing.

Answer 7

WOW that is rediculous, so she was just gonna let the little girl spend the night but not eat??!!!!  What a weird thing to say. My mom always had an open door policy when i was a kid, our house was the house all the kids would come over to an snack an eat an play.. so i  cant immagine someone doing that.  I would not allow my child over there anymore, but i would not punish the mothers little girl by saying she is not welcome.  I know your upset but that may hurt the girls feelings, and she is your daughters friend.. think of life she must have at home .. its probably a relief to come play at your house.  GL

Answer 8

No you totally did the right thing, this Mother sounds nutso and imagine your kid spending the night at her house !  But imagine the poor kid having to live with a Mother like that ?!  Going to your house is probably a really lovely break from living with her, so I agree with the others who say DON'T let your child into the crazy woman's care, but keep the offer open for your Daughter's friend to come to your house.  It's not worth denying her and your Daughter that on priniciple.

Answer 9

u did the right thing but if i had been in ur position i proabably wouldve smacked her and demanded for the money that i spend on her daughter

Answer 10

I would have done the same thing!

Answer 11

You aren't overreacting at all. I can understand parents not wanting to feed the whole neighborhood or not being able to feed every kid that comes over to play during the day but when a kid is SPENDING THE NIGHT- of course you have to feed them! Those people are nuts. What did they expect- for her to pack her dinner & bring it with her? Not to mention that she has no right to be so rude. Give me a break.

Answer 12

Her mother was rude, but you are still wrong. :(

This is a friend of your daughter? Someone she enjoys spending time with? aka someone who is IMPORTANT to her? Why are you punishing the girls because of someone else's bad behavior?

The mom sounds like she is pretty dysfunctional and that poor girl has to live with it all the time. It sounds like you think the girl sounds is nice and well behaved----which is amazing considering her mother.

That nice friend of your daughter is stuck with a whacko mother who is going to make it hard for her to have any friends. It is like she is serving a jail sentence for a crime she didn't commit.

Stop worrying about whether or not the mom treats your child well and think about the girls. Let them play together at YOUR house and keep them away from the other house. Put the girls FIRST.

Peace

Answer 13

I don't think that you handled this in the best way possible.

   I understand that you are angry over this situation, but to jeopardize your daughter's friendship over it is wrong.

   The problem is the other child's mother and her pettiness, not the children's friendship.

    I would have ignored the mother's lack of class, but prepared a bill for her the next time her child stayed over. I think that that would have highlighted the silliness of the situation and shown the other mother how mis-guided her "charity" statement was.

    My main goal in resolving this issue would have been to preserve the children's friendship. After all, the kids shouldn't suffer because the mother is a fool.

Answer 14

You CHOSE to allow the other child to spend the night and to feed that child on three occasions.  The mother of the other child was not obligated to reciprocate.  The other mother is not responsible for the choices that you make.  Obviously the rules in HER house are not the same as your's and just because YOUR child is in HER home she doesn't have to change her rules to accomodate YOUR child.  It was YOUR responsiblity to get to know this mother prior to allowing your child to spend the night, obviously you don't know her all that well.  You could have put your child in harm's way without knowing this woman.  No it was not rude of her to tell your child their home was not a chairty mission.  Next time don't assume other parents will treat your children the way you treat their's unless you KNOW the parents well.

Answer 15

Nope, you didn't overreact.  That mom is a tight wad and ungrateful.

Answer 16

you did the right thing!

i understand if the mom said that she wouldnt take her out for dinner but at least a a little snack.

tell your daughter to find another friend.

Answer 17

If you did not feed your daughter dinner so she could be fed at the neighbors then you are in the wrong, you still need to feed her dinner before she goes over there since she was invited to spend the night not invited to dinner. If she was fed before going and asked for a snack that the other kid was getting then that seems cruel on that mother's part. If the mother doesn't give her kid snacks at night then she has no reason to give them to your kid no matter what you do at home. If the other kid was taking advantage of your generosity when she knew her parents would never return the favor then she is acting like an 8 year old. If the other parents have been taking advantage of your generosity when they would never return the favor then you were suckered by lowlife parasites. If they didn't know about your generosity then they didn't know about it.

Answer 18

that is not right but you should let your child's friend come over

after all it is not hers or your kids fault

Answer 19

you are doing the right thing,

that mother has some serious problems.

Answer 20

u r doing the right thing

u should slap the woman,too

Answer 21

well i agree that you were correct to be upset and the other woman was completely in the wrong, BUT I'm not sure you should hold the other child responsible... and maybe you don't think you are but the girls ARE friends, does it really matter if only you host sleep overs? i certainly wouldn't have my daughter going to her house but i think if the girls still want to be friends you should welcome that child into your house

Answer 22

It does seem like you acted accordingly.  You didn't seem to step out of line or be overly rude...that is of course if there was no yelling involved infront of the children.  I just hope it does not affect your daughter's relationship with her friend.  I can say this though.  Her mom's a bi+ch.

Answer 23

Holy c**p! That was very rude of her, and I can't believe your wife of all people didn't get it!  The important thing is not that you took her daughter here and there and spent money, but the fact that the mother would say such a thing to your daughter.  I'm curious as to what the mother said and if she ever apologized.

Answer 24

Good for you....you definately did the right thing. You're also teaching your daughter a very important lesson.....I would have done the same.

Answer 25

Good on you.

Whiel it may have fizzled their friendship, do you really want your daughter to be playing at the house with someone who has a mother like that?

If they still want to play in the future, keep them at your place!!!

Any decent parent knows if you have a child sleep over, you feed them.

My mother never packed my breakfast or dinners for overnight stays!

Answer 26

I Would done the same thing!!! Thats rideculous! Its a sleep over, its kind of an expected thing that a child will be hungry! Stand your grand!

Answer 27

I definitely think that talking to the mother was the right thing to do. She sounds like a real *****. However if the two little girls are friend it isn't really fair to punish them and not let them play together just because her mom is a rip.

Answer 28

That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my life.  I understand if the other family doesn't have enough money to take your daughter to shows and on expensive outings, but it doesn't cost much to feed a child (make a box of Kraft mac and cheese for goodness sake! - what does that cost? like a dollar??).  You were completely right in what you did.  I can't believe any parent would say something like that to a child!