Was this to harsh of a punishment?

Question

My ten year old likes to steal, Either from family or stores. Recently she stole 17 dollars from the sitters purse. I had enough so while she was gone I took EVERYTHING out of her room, besides a bed 3 shirts and 2 paris of pants. And at first we said someone stole it then we finally told her what happened. She was upset. But now she has to write a letter to each person she stole from and write an essay on why she should not steal. Was this to harsh?

Answer 1

Nope good thinking!

My husband had stolen a bunch of candy canes from a store when he was 5 so his mother only let him eat candy canes for 2 days straight.

He never once stole anything else and wont ever eat another candy cane in his life.

   Parents have to come up with something that is going to make them remember that stealing isnt worth it.  

Answer 2

no way sounds like a really good plan u did, i wouldnt of thought of that

Answer 3

I think you did the right thing, but telling her that someone stole her stuff was a mistake.  Just showed her that you guy's did the same thing she did.

Taking the stuff from her room was good but how long?

Answer 4

I think that's a pretty creative punishment, I would continue with that ;) She learns not to do it and apologizes to the people she hurt, very nice!

Answer 5

PERFECT.

she needs to learn!! that sounds like the BEST way.

not only is she understanding that it's wrong, but she's learning her lesson by having it done to her.

and the embarrassment of having to apologize to everyone, which is soo hard for kids, will leave a life long effect of teaching her a lesson.

good work!

Answer 6

Not at all...exellent job. The only bit I didn't get was why you told her someone else stole it at the beginning...then told her the truth?

Answer 7

Not at all!! I actually think this was very clever. If you dont put a stop to what she's doing now and make her realize how wrong it is and how it affects ppl< She'll grow up and become a bank robber or something in jail because she never learned her lesson. So in my opinion you should give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done.

Answer 8

Good for you Mom!!! It is sooo important to get this behavior under control while she is still young, otherwise she is going to continue to steal as a teen and well into adulthood. I think explaining that she should know what it feels like to have her belongings taken from her is a great idea. Make sure that after she apologizes to those she has stolen from she is able to earn her things back.  Trust must be earned, so don't give in so quickly. Make her work for her things by doing lots of chores for you and for those in your neighborhood.  Maybe if she sees that you must work for things you want and need, she will have a greater respect for other people's property.  Be strong Mom, I know it is never easy to see your children unhappy, but if you don't do this for her now, you'll lose your baby to shoplifting for sure.

Answer 9

no it wasn't too harsh ..just hope it works. My dads ex wife has a 11 yr old that continues to steal and she refuses to punish him for anything.. most recently he stole a rifle out of my dads gun cabinet, we found it stashed outside. Just glad nobody got hurt but something should have been done before it got to that level.

Answer 10

no and  I wouldn't give her back her stuff until she was done apologizing and writing the letters

Answer 11

Not at all but don't be surprised if that works only temporarily. I have the same problem with my son, did something similar and he went back at it again. I caught him with something else today, which is what led to my finding your question on the net. I "stole" his game boy and some precious games and they will be missing for a while but this time I also warmed his bottom. I don't do it often so it got his attention and I told him if he ever does it again, he can expect more of the same. Hopefully the combination of empathy developed through suffering the same fate and corporal punishment will do the trick. I took my son to a therapist and he determined he wasn't disturbed in any way;he just wanted the stuff-so don' buy into anyone telling you that your child is disturbed. Sometimes kids do bad things to test their limits and it stinks parents are being told EVERYTHING is abuse. I wised up today. It's still legal in this state to spank, but even if it wasn't and I had to worry about his being taken away, they will eventually take him away for stealing and throw him in juvie jail unless I do something. We parents need to be parents and I told mine that today: that no matter what any one thinks, stealing will not be tolerated at my home and he will be spanked if he does it again and I will not care if and who he tells. If and when social services shows up at my house, I will let them see he is not black and blue and/or beat up then remind him spanking is still legal and within my rights and show them the door. Good luck to you! I completely and totally sympathize with you.

Answer 12

WOW that was a GREAT way to punish a kid i will remember that one thanks.

Answer 13

No I don't think it is harsh. Your are telling your daughter that stealing is bad. You are getting her at an early age so it probably is going to stop. Therefore will not happen at a later age and much worse. By showing her what it feels like to be stolen from by removing it from her room, she is learning that it feels bad and is bad to steal. Also writing letters to people she has stolen is going to help her understand that it is embarrassing to steal. And finally writing and essay on stealing is a good thing. Make sure you keep it and if she steals again start the whole process again, so maybe take something more valuable to her, make her write letters and an essay again. Hopes this helps :)

Answer 14

Not too harsh at all! Trust me, one thing that I've learned after 9 kids is that you need to be strict and firm sometimes. My 6 year old has recently been diagnosed with OCD and she's SUPER defiant, and mean to her siblings and I. We're very strict with her. Just about a month ago, my 8 year old son had a huge umm....what to call it? Fit? Lasted about 3 days. LOL. He would yell at me, call his siblings and I names, hit, on and on. And it just went on...day after day. On about the third day of this, I saw one Dr. Phil show that was talking about punishing your kids. Someone had cleared out everything out of this kid's room. So, that's what I did. But I was more strict than you. He got a sleeping bag, and he was to come to me to get his clothes each day. He's barely ever acted up since. Anyway, so you were definitelynot harsh. You need to teach her that stealing has its consequences. Oh--and don't you dare lighten up on the punishment, consistency is THE most important thing in punishment.

Good Luck. =]

~Kate

Answer 15

no, a 10 year old shouldnt be stealing, at that age, no its not to harsh, ii think thats clever, i would ground her, and make her work around the house too, if she refuses, take away money from her allowence if she has one, if not, unplug the cable from her room, or start taking away her movies, so she learns that if u **** around u dont get ****, so dont **** around

Answer 16

No, this wasn't too harsh at all. You taught her what it feels like to be on the other side, to have things being stolen from her. It teaches not just that stealing is wrong, but it also teaches her why it's wrong. The essay and the letter were also a good follow up. It gives her a chance to express what you taught her, and it's boring, so she'll know she shouldn't steal again, or she'll have to write letters and essays again.  

Answer 17

No, I don't think so. You have to stop her from doing that as soon as you can. Tell her nobody likes a thief.  

Answer 18

I think that was the best way to teach her. =] Its not harsh at all it teaches her what its like to be stolen from.

Answer 19

WONDERFUL!!! I agree with others about the temporary lie (that part wasn't so cool). Otherwise WAY TO GO!! I  feel she should also have to repay what she took from each person or store. Stay firm. You are doing GREAT! I will pray for both of you. God bless.

Answer 20

Sounds like mommy knows best. I like the essay idea too it may embarrass her enough to want to stop. I would give her things back gradually. Stay very strict on the subject. If it does not stop  now it will become a bigger problem later in life

Answer 21

Actually i think it is not harsh enough. She would still get a spanked if it were me

Answer 22

Great Idea!!! You did the right thing she needed to be taught a lesson.

Answer 23

This is something that she must really stop, because she will wind up in big trouble.  I don't think it is proper to lie to a child, even if it is temporary.  I think it would be proper to take all the things out of her room and tell her that you did, and that she will not have them for a while because that is what it is like for something to be stolen.  I think if this has been an ongoing problem for 6 months or longer, it would be appropriate not to allow her to have anything in her room other than what is necessary for her to sleep and do her homework and to leave it that way for an indefinite period, maybe until the incidents of stealing have ceased for 6 months or perhaps longer.  Also, she should have to pay back the people from whom she stole, and earn money by doing real work while supervised for relatives or friends at a minimum wage rate.  Yard work or real house cleaning.  I do not think it was in any way to harsh, I just personally don't think misrepresenting was proper.

Answer 24

Thats a fantastic idea !!!

they will think twice next time....

great idea