Watcha think of my friends poem?

Question

Sorrow

sorrig spirits,

flying sorrow.

I will never see,

the light of tomorrow.

I put a gun to my head,

pull the trigger BOOM!

now i'm dead.

The light of day,

the light of tomorrow.

no one will ever see,

the sight of mu sorrow.

she had to wright it for a school project. it project was think of sumn you would say in a suicide note, cuz that week at skewl it was suicide prevention week, but the teachers wanted the students to feel like sum of the kids that felt like that. the teacher gave her a B.

Answer 1

it is SOARING spirits if you meant flying spirits........ok...i woulda given it an A cuz it was really kewl.......i like it, but the thought of what it means, it makes me wanna cry....tons of people commit suicide every day and some or most of them are teens or preteens, it just makes me sooooo sad.........

Answer 2

I would give it an A.

Answer 3

i think it deserved an A. :] Amazingg

Answer 4

its alright..but I can't help but think I've heard this before

Answer 5

Um..well, it could use some work.

It's kind of repetitive to the point of annoyance in the first stanza.

Things could have been...worded a bit better in the second one, and the third one, is just like the first-repetive to the point of annoyance.

It's um...well, alright for a school project..

:O

Answer 6

It sounds like an old song by "Queen".Freddie Mercury.

'Mama, Just killed a man

put a gun unto his head

pulled the trigger

now he`s dead."

These are the exact words from the song.

Answer 7

I'd probably give it an B-.  It's fine and all, but she really could have described how the person felt than just 'sorrow' and 'never see tomorrow'.  She really could have hinted at why the person felt this way.  The first five lines feel like they don't have a measure, because they don't feel like they flow.