We're having a full mass at our Catholic ceremony. What can we do for our non-Catholic quests?

Question

We're having a full mass at our Catholic ceremony. What can we do for our non-Catholic quests? My fiance and our families are Catholic, as are most of our guests, but we do have several guests who are not Catholic, and some who are not Christian. Plus two of my bridesmaids are Jewish and three of his groomsmen are not religious. How can we make the Catholic ceremony and traditions known to our non-Catholic and Catholic but not practicing guests? And how can we make it comfortable for the members of the bridal party who aren't Catholic? And it is not possible to NOT do a full mass. We are getting married in a Church. Plus our parents are dishing out most of our budget, and having a mass is important to them, as it is to us.

Thank you!

Answer 1

Hi and congratulations!

As a Catholic myself, and one that has posted on here for almost a year and read many, many, posts......I say...."who cares?"

I'm not trying to be mean, and you are certainly being very nice, but those that know you, and have agreed to be included and involved in your wedding, also know that you are Catholic.  Some on here will post that it is soooooooooo boring to go to a Catholic wedding.  I say...."well don't go then!  Stay home if you are going to sit there and roll your eyes."

I have the BEST priest at my church.  Most all priests (and I have been to many, many weddings) realize that not everyone attending or involved in the wedding is Catholic.  

I have NEVER once heard a priest during a wedding not give some little instruction like...."you may choose to sit or kneel at this portion."  Most all priests are very, very good about this.  

Really, everyone on here always posts "it's YOUR wedding....do as you want."  I rarely post that, but I must with your question.  Again, you are being very nice and sympathetic to the others, but if you and your fiance want a full Mass.....then you should have one!  Don't alter your plans and wishes for the sake of those who do not attend church.

But, YES, in answer to your question, you do not have to have a full Mass if you do not one.  But, if it is important to you, your fiance, and your parents....then you should have one and never mind trying to make the others feel comfortable.  I have been to lots of Catholic weddings, lots of Lutheran weddings, and lots of other non-denominational weddings.  I have never heard the bride trying to make sure everyone is comfortable with her faith or church.  Just go with it.

Good luck and I hope you have a beautiful wedding day and a happy marriage!

Answer 2

I was involved in two quinceaneras where a Catholic ceremony was preformed. I am not religious at all, one of the boys was a Jehovah's Witness and two of the girls were Christian. We all agreed to be in her court knowing that she was Catholic, and we all participated in it respectfully. The priest did not force us to drink the wine or eat the wafer. I am not familiar with Catholic wedding masses. But that is what we did for her birthday.

Answer 3

Talk to your priest!!!!!!! I'm sure he has had many of these types of weddings.  

I am Catholic my husband was Baptist.  We had a Catholic Priest AND a Baptist Minister.  It is called an Ecuminical Service and it was BEAUTIFUL!

When you have rehearsals, your priest will have some great suggestions.

Answer 4

You don't worry about it.  The non-catholics will know it is in a catholic church.  They most likely have already experienced other weddings in religions that were different from theirs.

The priest will know there will be non catholics there; it's common.  

Most likely, the priest will ask all the attendants who is catholic at the rehearsal dinner so the non-catholics will know what to do and not to do during Eucharist.

Answer 5

Well, it's your wedding in my opinion. And there is no way out of not making them uncomfortable--with the mass and all. I mean, talk to the priest about it and figure out how long it will be, which will probably be about an hour.

Your friends agreed to going and the attendents agreed knowing you two are Catholic.

Make the reception kick butt! =)

Answer 6

You just don't.  You're Catholic, your wedding will be a Catholic wedding.  Does that mean that if you were to be a part of your Jewish friends wedding that they should try and make yourself as a Catholic person more comfortable at their wedding ceremony?  Absolutely not.  People have respect for others religions, why would they feel uncomfortable.  I am Catholic, and I had 2 bridesmaids who were not Catholic, and were fine, other than not participating in communion.  I for one would love to go to a Jewish wedding, just to see the differences as a Catholic person.  

I think you're putting too much thought into it all, don't worry about it.  Have they said anything to you about it?  I'm sure not - and if they do - which would really surprise me - then address it then :)

Answer 7

Prepare your wedding party a bit, just so they know the unfolding of the mass briefly. It's enough to do it at the rehearsal.

There will be booklets for your guests to follow along, hopefully - check with your priest. They may have a set which they keep in church, I know most do.

Our church does booklets specifically for each wedding - with names, etc., which guests can use at the service, then take home. There were explanations, as well as the mass to follow, itself.

Most priests will make an announcement if you wish before communion - saying something to the effect that those Catholics who wish to participate in communion may come forward.

Answer 8

I just went to my cousin's Catholic wedding, and it was terrific!  (I'm Christian, but not Catholic).  The priest was a charming Irishman who, for the benefit of the mixed crowd (which included Catholics, Protestants, Jews, Buddhists, and non-religious folks) explained the signficance of each part of the mass.  It was great -- I'd never understood each part, and it was so cool to have someone explain it.  It wasn't *traditional* in the strictest sense, but it was mass, and it was really warm and reverent. When it came time for communion, he explained that it was for Catholics only, but if anyone else wanted to, they could come up for a blessing; they just needed to signal by crossing their arms in front of their chests.  The bridal party was mixed, too, and they either took communion, accepted a blessing, or just stood off to the side smiling while everyone else went through the line.  Maybe your priest can help you out along these lines?

Answer 9

I'm Catholic as well and my fiance (converting to Catholic from Baptist) and I are getting married at my church. All I can say it's your wedding and if the non-Catholic guests have a problem they'll just need to realize that it's your day to shine. They should leave the issues at the church door and enjoy themselves watch as you become man and wife.  

Answer 10

I agree with everyone else.  There is nothing you can do.  Most everyone is familiar with a Catholic Ceremony and most people know it's long.  The people who are non Catholic or non Christian will just follow the leader and do as everyone else does.

The priest will also be aware that not everyone may be Catholic.  Most priest will explain things a bit more during a wedding, he should also announce the readings and other special parts of the ceremony.  He will definitely help the whole ceremony move along.

If having a Mass is important to you then your guests will understand, and they will enjoy the experience and most certainly enjoy the reception after.

So bottom line is don't stress about it, just let it be!

Answer 11

Give them pillows.

Answer 12

Are you having orders of service? (Please say yes... masses are so confusing to non-Catholics, I've brought enough with me to mass to know this). At the end of the orders of service put some notes explaining various relevant parts of Tradition and traditions. The orders of service would be an excellent place to explain that the Roman Rite has closed communion and that it's acceptable to either stay in the pews or go up with crossed arms to receive a blessing.

You can also have the priest announce this before communion, and even pick something different to signify that they just want a blessing - I was at a First Communion mass where the priest announced before communion that the entire family should come up, and non-Catholics should put their hand over their heart.

Have you considered putting what I irreverently refer to as the stand-up/sit-downs into the orders of service? Those vary from diocese to diocese and even from parish to parish, so the RC guests will appreciate these too.

For the wedding party, I would also suggest that at your rehearsal some time be given to the liturgy itself, not just the parts that differ, so that the wedding party knows what will happen.

Oh, and either put the music for the parts of the mass (assuming they're being sung) into your orders of service (which might be expensive) or else have them announced from the hymnal, I know that most of the common ones (such as Mass of Creation, which is done all over the place here) are in CBWIII.

Answer 13

Honey, it's not about pleasing anyone else.. it's YOUR DAY!  Those who are there are there for you and your fiance and shouldn't care about which religion the ceremony is in.  It's about witnessing two people uniting into one.

Answer 14

Try to imagine what you would like if you went to a Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist, Mormon wedding -- you'd be interested, because it's different, you'd be curious, you'd really want something to read in the program to tell you what was happening next, and you'd REALLY want to know the protocol for what to do when everyone else is kneeling, etc.

Do what they do at St Peter's at Christmas mass, when all the diplomatic corps attend.  There's a big program, and everyone who is NOT catholic stands up for the prayers, and sits during the kneeling, consecration, etc.  You can put in the program  ("please feel free to follow the service and participate as you would like, including joining in our prayers, and singing with us. We welcome you to sit comfortably during any of the sections of the service")  The priest can also indicate what is happening, and tell the congregation what is coming up, and what to do.