We're trying to adopt. How do you find a birthmother for private adoption?

Question

We are trying to adopt a child. We have been for some time now. We have researched several methods and have decided that a private adoption is our best alternative. We want to make arrangements with the birthparent(s) for an open adoption and have them as active in the child's life as they want to be. We are not having any luck finding a birthmother. Does anyone have any suggestions? We have so much to offer a child. Stability, security and most importantly LOVE, just to name a few! We would make excellent parents. It's so frustrating. Everytime I think something is going to work and I get my hopes up, I hit another brick wall and it hurts so bad. Please help us.

Answer 1

Hire an adoption Lawyer, and he or she will find prospective birthmothers for you.

Answer 2

In addition to working with an adoption attorney and an agency, put the word out with friends and family.  We just completed a domestic adoption where the birth family heard about us through word-of-mouth.  If we hadn't shared our adoption hopes/plans - they wouldn't have contacted us and we wouldn't have the greatest little 5-mo old son EVER!  

And remember to do everything "by-the-book" - don't fly the mother to another state/prov so that you can avoid certain wait times or buy her extravagant gifts - clear everything through your lawyer/agency!

Answer 3

If you want to adopt through a private adoption, may I suggest that you place an ad in the paper? I have seen this many times, ie, loving couple wishing to adopt baby........You could also contact your human services dept as they are involved with alot of pregnant teens. There are many avenues that you could take. Think of  agencies that deal with unwed mothers, mostly young girls that are pregnant. This is a sad thought, but think of your area schools and talk to their guidence counselors, they deal with high chool girls that are pregnant and in their school and they sometimes counsel girls that want to give their babies up for adoption, they may be aware of high schoolers that want to give their babies up. You do realize that you will need a lawyer, of course, My parents adopted me through a private adoption, it was one of those cases of someone knows someone who is pregnant who wants to give their child up for adoption. Lastly, your best bet is word of mouth, tell everyone you know that you want to adopt a child through a private adoption, who knows, someone just might know someone's daughter that is pregnant and wanting to go through a private adoption, it worked for my parents. Good luck!

Answer 4

Why not adopt through foster care in your county? There are thousands of children waiting for homes who have already been removed from their parents' care for one reason or another.

Answer 5

Are you calling an expectant mother who might be considering adoption a "birthmother" in your solicitations?  Many mothers-to-be find the term offensive.  A woman does not become a "birthmother" until after she has signed away her rights as a mother.  Even then, some women prefer natural or first mother.

The attitude with which you approach these women who also offer their children love without the loss of their family heritage may be off-putting.  You may have better success by trying foster care where children are already available rather than trying to convince a mother of an unborn child that you are better than she is.

Answer 6

There are around 140,000 children in foster care waiting for the wonderful home you describe.

Therefore, I don't see why you are having trouble finding a child to offer a home to; unless you are being unduly picky about what 'child in need' you are willling to offer love to.

Answer 7

Hi lbradley,

I have to agree with Aloha.  There's no reason for you to suffer in pain now when there are children waiting for your love right now.  Contact the department where you live and inquire about whether your home can be approved for a foster to adopt situation.  Sometimes you can adopt directly without foster care first if the parent's rights have already been relinquished or terminated.  Children are children.  They all need and deserve a good home and love.

If you adopt through foster care, the wait will not be as long and you will not pay enormous costs.  Thank you for considering that.

julie j

reunited adoptee