We are a white couple adopting an Ethiopian boy. Any advice regarding race issues.?

Question

I have received criticism from black acquaintances for attempting to steal this child's culture from him. I know we will face racism from blacks and whites. Anybody else do this before that can offer advice?

Answer 1

i think what you are doing should be applauded. do not skirt around the race issue. when you buy toys for your child buy black toys gi joes and such as well as white ones. my white cousins actually gaave birth to a black child(it happens!!!) and faced criticism as well. you need to interject pieces of the child's culture into their lives. find books about ethiopia and read them to your child. or try to learn some customs or traditions. you can give them your culture as well, just try to keep it balanced

Answer 2

Congratulations!!!

Yes, you will receive criticism.  It will become part of your public life.  Get prepared by practicing responses out at home.  Then try them out in public, and land on one for a while.  This will help yo from feeling caught off guard by an insensitive or awkward comment of question.

YOU will likely determine how your child feels in the long run.  What do you want to project?  Confidence, composure, matter of fact attitude, private but not rude, occasionally rude when it is called for!  Your child will be watching your every move in this area.  So be careful.  He will pick p on your attitude that is conveyed to others.  Be proud, but not willing to treat him as if he is a sideshow, or poor little orphan.  He is your son!  Plain and simple!  

Race -- just a factor in your lives.  Nothing more.  How you choose to honor his race/birth culture is your business.  You do not have to justify your family to anyone.

And remember, the details of his beginning, birthfamily, orphanage, condition, health, etc. -- belong to him, and him alone!  Please do not tell "his story".  It's his to do with as he chooses, when the time comes.  Good luck to you!

Answer 3

Please do not worry what people think or say you are the one who went out to save a child.

I lived and worked with aids orphans in Uganda. I adopted a little baby boy who lived with me ever since he was borne. he was very sick and died on Easter Sunday short of his 1 year birth day. I ask a lots of question about his tribe and totem his relative. well it was I would say easier for me because I lived there. But you have the chance to fond all those things out. But other than that dont worrie abot people, there always talking. By the way how did you manage to get adoption from Ethiopia? Please let me know. God bless you so very much. I know this little boy will be the love of your live.

Answer 4

We're a white couple and we keep our African American goddaughter with us during the school year.  As far as the school district is concerned, we're her guardians because her mom signed off on a form that we can make educational decisions on her behalf.

In the area we live in, it's assumed that the adult(s) with the child are his/her parents. I've never been questioned if I'm her mother, nor have we truly experienced racism.  She's 13. She knows I'm white and she's black. We know that there are underlying differences. We recognize and celebrate them.  

As long as we call eachother races, nobody's going to win.  We're all people, and all covered under the HUMAN race.

Answer 5

No I can't say that I have any experience but you should ignore what others say and think and know that you are doing what is right. God Bless.

Answer 6

Anyone that has a problem with your adoption should not be worth your time or thought. If they are that racist or concerned at the wonderful thing you are doing, then you do NOT want them in your life.

Answer 7

So sad that your friends feel that way because they could be such a wonderful resource to you and your son.  I have a 5 year old African American daughter and my husband are as pasty white as only 2 people of Irish and Swedish descent can be. We talk to our daughter about her race frequently and show her the globe and speak about Africa. We tolerate NO racism in our presence including that directed at any other race or culture.  We speak out against others (shock jocks for example) who make racist remarks. The other important thing is to expose your son to his culture. Not just books and TV but museums, music concerts, and real live (African American) human beings. Realize that you can absolutely help him to have a positive racial identity.  You will face racism as will your son. You must learn to cope with it and teach your son to cope with it. Good luck!!!!!!!! It is wonderful.

Answer 8

Your son will face many of the same issues which biracial children often deal with.   I have transracially adopted children, and have found it beneficial to live in a community where there is plenty of diversity.   My daughters do not "stand out" in their school, because there are so many children of different races and socioeconomic backgrounds, and nontraditional families.   It might also be helpful to keep in touch with other families who have adopted children from Ethiopia.

Answer 9

Let people say what they want. My son married a woman over a year ago and she has five children. He was criticized by many. Out of her five children, her youngest son is the only child that was abandoned by his father when he was born. Sean is in the process of adopting Andrew now. He is six years old. The other four children visit on weekends and holidays, summers etc.

Sean is a cancer survivor and loved by many so he got a lot of negative feedback from many. Sean also had testicular cancer at age seventeen, and he can never have children of his own. Of all three children I have, Sean was the one that I knew wanted a family. That was probably the most painful thing he had to live with after he was told that not only did he have cancer, but would never have children of his own. Well it's been ten years now. Sean was married once shortly after he was in remission and that wife left him for another man. So, in the long run, who cares what others say to you or your wife? You should be proud that you have that kind of love to offer any child, black or white. People are people despite who they are or where they came from. My co-worker adopted a child from Guam over eighteen years ago. Her daughter and her have a wonderful relationship. Trust your heart and your intentions. It will work out for you. I wish you the best.

Megan

Answer 10

i have never done this, but as long as you teach the baby about his/her race, dont worry about what other poeple say,your giving this baby a home and two parents

Answer 11

I am very proud, there should be more mixed families in the world. Watch "Losing Isaiah" He had no idea what color he was and I liked that. Childern will learn by the age of 3 the difference between a white person and a black person and they will know that to be white is preferred. Childeren don't need a constant reminder that they are different, be color blind.

I have many mixed and different color childern (age 3-5 years) in my classroom being raised by many different color parents and adults. You'd be surprised how they identify themselves. They are all aware of what color the adults in thier lives are and I have never had a problem with it. None of the childern have ever said anything offensive or teased. It's normal for them. I think looking for and pointing out differences is what causing racism. Just love him and deal with the ignorant world as it comes.

Answer 12

Get books by African American authors and with African AMerican characters & books about Africa and its culture and about diversity. Maybe get a few movies with african american children, like little bill maybe. Celebrate African holidays and teach your child to embrace both American and African culture. If you feel comfortable you could have the childs first name as its middle name so he/she could be forever connected to their culture, family, or caregivers. Just think, the birth mother or caregiver could of gave your child their name so it might be good to honor it and atleast use it as a middle name or a second middle name. Maybe get things from ethiopia when you are there like clothes ect and take pictures! You could probably find soem African or Ethiopian recipes to. You'll have to learn to not let the negative and hurtful remakrs get under your skin and teach your child to be proud of his/her cultures ect. I'm sure you'll be a great parent! Best of Luck! Your doing a great thing!! I plan to adopt from Ethiopia when I'm old enough!

Answer 13

First of all if ur friends offer negative advice get rid of them the best thing i can advise you is to teach the child love, and PLEASE  teach the child to be a christian and all the rest will fall in place. As long as u can offer the child true love and affection AND POSITI VE GUIDANCE  that is all that child will need and once more if these are ur friends and this will be ur child u may need to get  rid of them cause they seem very negative and u don't need any negative around your child. It is going to be very tough trying to get the child to adapt not only to ur culture but to also be educated on the culture of his people.  And it will also be a challenge to u and ur family as well, but I will tell you that prayer helps..............good luck and  i pray god bless you and your new "Blessing"

Answer 14

Its time to let those people go. You and your child do not need that in your life.  I had a friend who adopted a child that was from a diff culture. They bought books, hanged up pictures from his birth country and even brought things back from his birth country so that he would never forget where he came from. Sadly there are going to be people out there who say some real mean c**p. what you can do is let your child now that he is no different than anybody else and that he is so special to you. i think its so wonderful of you to adopt a child. I wish more people would do that. congrats on your new blessing. wish your family all the best!

Answer 15

I am black and my husband is white. Kids are cruel regardless and you should tell who ever talks about race that and tell them that if they are looking at color then they are racist. My kids are mixed and all they see is mama and dada when they look at me and my husband. Kids only see color if you teach them to see color. Just raise him right and don't try to hide the fact that he is adopted or where he is from. Brush up on some African history around where he lived and when he gets older let him know what you know and maybe it could be a project for you all to work on, learning a little bit more about himself and his heritage. I hoped I helped.