We are getting married, but need some advice?

Question

My fiance and I are getting married. We want to wait until May but, my mother is a Jehovah's Witness and my fiance and I live together. She says that its against her religion for an unmarried couple to live together and she therefore is practically pushing us into this marriage. She wants it sooner and we want it later so we can have the money to do what we want. She wants us to sign the paperwork so we will be legally married like now and she says we can have the ceremony later. We don't see a problem with it except that's not what we want.

It feels like she's giving us an ultimatum that its either we get married ASAP or he has to move out.

Now, keep in mind that we BOTH pay rent to her and broke down a wall so its like we have our own little house like an apartment in the big house. So it feels like JW's can't own an apartment building because obviously unmarried couples would be living together.

If you are a witness and know more about it, or could lend some insight on where she is coming from, please answer.

Answer 1

Hi.  I agree with the others.  You are "renting" from your mom....but it is still her house...her rules...and you are the daughter.

If you want to live with your boyfriend, then you should move out of your mother's house.  

No one can push you into marriage.  Please do NOT go to the courthouse for a quick wedding to satisfy your mother....then (after you have been leagally married for 2-3 years), have a "wedding of your dreams" like so many on here are doing these days.  You get 1 wedding to the same guy in my opinion.  If that is a courthouse wedding....so be it.  All of a sudden, people are thinking it is OK to have a "wedding" when, in fact, they are already legally married.  

So....if that is what your mother wants you to do....tell her that a wedding "do-over" years down the road is an etiquette no-no and makes it look like you are a gift grabber.

So...if you want to NOT get married now and live together, then move out and get your own apartment.

IF you want to get married now...then get married now, but don't have the "ceremony" when you can afford it.  It's a "do-over" and your guests don't appreciate it.

Answer 2

Your mother has a right to rent this "apartment" to whomever she chooses.  The renter in this case just so happens to be you--her daughter.

Morals have declined tremendously but your mother is among those that still believe that living together & s*x are for the married.

She does not want you & your boyfriend living under her roof not being legally husband & wife.

I don't understand though what she means about signing the paperwork & having the ceremony later.  You need an officiant to perform some sort of ceremony so that they can sign your license to make the marriage legal.

So you have a choice; if you don't want to be married now, then move out so you can live the way you want.

Answer 3

Your mother has the right to say what goes on under her roof.  It isn't like you are some anonymous renter, you are her daughter.

I've known people who lived together and waited to get married so that they could afford what they want.  It doesn't work.  My nephew has been doing that for years now.  They have a 3 or 4 year old daughter and STILL haven't made it legal.  How sensible is it to wait for a big wedding when you already have a child that is old enough to understand when you do finally get married?

I know of another person who has been living with her boyfriend for years and years and they have 3 kids together.  They always intended to get married but couldn't afford the wedding they want and so now are still waiting.

What kind of sense does that really make?  Just get married.  Even a courthouse wedding is better than what you are doing.  You can have your big fancy cememony any time you can afford it, but if you are like these other people I know you may NEVER be able to afford it.  You may have half grown kids and STILL not be married.  Why do that to yourselves?  And how are you going to teach your kids how to do things the right way if you don't?

If you don't choose this, then move out of your mother's home.  She shouldn't be responsible for condoning what she doesn't approve of.  Give her, and her home the respect she deserves.

Answer 4

I was previously married to a Jehovah's Witness.  How do you believe?  Will you be going back to the religion?  If that's a remote possiblity you need to discuss this with your future husband because you know the Bible says not to be unevenly yoked.  I never went to meetings with my ex and never believed in that religion or anything, such as the blood transfusion thing etc.  And our differnces tore us apart and we were divorced with a little baby 3 years later.

Don't let your mother push you into marriage that you want to wait on.  Living in "sin" is certainly better than a divorce down the line.  Slow it down, and really consider all the facts.

Answer 5

I can't help ya out on the religion part of it, but I say it's more important to do what you two want. She'll get over it.