We are immigrants from Hong Kong and my 10-year-old daughter in constantly teased about her Chinese name?

Question

What should I do? Do I have to give her an American one? her name is Bo Yee

Answer 1

No, never.

You are Chinese not American, If I were you I would go out of that place.

Answer 2

It really doesn't matter what a kid's name is, certain kids will just get teased about their name.  If your daughter doesn't react and acts like she doesn't care, the teasing will probably stop, since the teaser usually wants a reaction.  Case in point...my brother, whose name is Austin Brady, was teased about his first name Austin (oh, are you the capital of Texas?) and his middle name Brady (you must be part of the Brady Bunch).  Those teasings wouldn't have bothered me one bit, but he sure let it bother him and wanted to change his name.  I think both Austin and Brady are very sensible American names, but kids will tease those who allow themselves to be teased.  

Don't give her an American name.  Let her be proud of her Chinese ancestry.  

Answer 3

Sadly you may have to give her a nickname, I'm sure that the kids at school think that calling her Boyee sounds cool and funny but you and her know different.  

Answer 4

Change her name to 'potato'.

Answer 5

everyone gets made fun of about their names. maybe something that sound like it like Jolie or Nicole  

Answer 6

No.  While she's young, she will probably be teased but that is her name and you should not change it for simple bullying.  Over time, people will get bored with making fun of her and stop.  As for now, tell her to ignore them.  Her name is unique and perfectly fine regardless of what bratty 10 year olds think.

Answer 7

Most kids are teased about something in school. It's sad but it's just the way it is until they're in college. I knew a beautiful Korean girl in high school who was constantly teased about her name, so she chose an American name. Even after that I always called her by her Korean name, because that's who she is. It's part of her identity. What you could do if she insists on having another name, is find a close translation by the meaning of her name.  

Answer 8

Most kids, whether born in the US or abroad, are teased about their names.  Kids will find anything about someone to make fun of, but once she is a little bit older the kids should stop teasing her.  If you want you could give her a nickname, but there's no need to actually change her name.  One day she will probably be proud of her name because it is part of her Chinese heritage.

Answer 9

no you shouldn't change her name. this is who she is so why take that away from her.

kids can be mean, yes, but you need to talk to the teacher and straighten it out with her..she can talk to her students and try and get a handle on the teasing. You can shorten her name and just use Bo, as in Boe. i think that is a cute name for a little girl.

Answer 10

you can give her an amaericanized nixckname, not change her name, but give her something otehrs can call her that they may find easier

Answer 11

This is a great opportunity to build her up-her confidence.

Teach her different strategies to respond to people when they tease.  People tend to stop teasing after a sharp and darn good response. Your daughter may even earn their respect.

Here are a few options:

1. Ask the teasers "do you know what my name means?"  Tell them the meaning of Bo Yee. Your daughter can tell them her name is unique, and it is not  like American names(English based) that have a lot of repetition.  You can see thousands of Alice, Amy etc; But there may just be one Bo Yee in this world.  In short, she is more special then people who tease her.  If the other kids are so very rude, feel free to call them "uncultured swine".

2. Never be quiet when facing a verbal assault.  In a book about psychology, it said keeping your mouth shut and doing nothing is a wrong strategy.  Kids who just keeps quiet and hope that these teasing would go away will suffer more than those who fight back.  Maybe this is contrary to your oriental culture, but she needs to defend herself to grow up healthily.

3. Help her excel in areas that she is good at.  Does she play the piano or any instruments?  Is she good at sports, field and track, etc?  Usually kids who grew up in south-eastern Asia do much better in Math than kids in the US.  Let her go into competition if she's comfortable and let her shine.  She will feel good about herself and other kids will begin to respect her.

4.  Do not talk to the teacher for your kid right away.  Coach her to deal with the situation and defend herself.  Kids will tease those who tell-on them more.  An alternative is to talk to the teacher about the situation and ask if there is an appropriate time to share about your culture.  My husband taught a few Chinese characters in my son's class. Of course the words he choose were closely related to what the teacher has been teaching at that time.  The whole class had a great time.  The teacher asked my husband to go back again to share some more.

5. If the kids who tease her are the same kid(s), they may be bullies who are mean to other kids,too. Your daughter can team up with other students and tell the bullies at their face that they don't like being treated poorly.  There is power in numbers.

6. Make sure she has friends to spend time with.  She may feel very lonely at school. She needs relationships make her feel safe.

I am an Chinese American with a unique name, too.  I've never been teased at because of my name.  Instead, friends, classmates, and colleagues were all curious about what it means and they wish they had a special name like mine.  Your daughter should not shy away from the crowd because of her name.  It is a wonderful cultural heritage she should be proud of.

Don't worry too much.  She is very likely to survive this and will grow stronger and amaze you.  In the meantime, keep an eye on this issue and keep encouraging your precious daughter!

Answer 12

BO YEE!!! LOL!!! LOL!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!! ROFL! PML!!

Answer 13

Does her name have a meaning?  Like, if her name means beautiful day, when you register her for school, tell the teacher she goes by Sunshine.  It isn't changing her name, it just gives kids something familiar to relate to.  I got teased because of my name starting in the 4th grade when our class did a project on the meaning of our names.  My name means "a weed at a cave entrance"  LOL    

Answer 14

I am immigrants from Taiwan in Canada since 13 years old. Most english speaker can't say Chinese name right or don't remember it. Here is what I do in my case. I say my Chinese name but offer them can call me by english name James. On test, I put both my Chinese name and english name. I don't know this is the best way, but it is simpler for me.

Answer 15

Yea , u shud .. i m in HK too .. but i ain't Chinese n all my frens around tease the chinese .. cos of deir name .. so yea i fink u shud give her and american name  

Answer 16

I think that that is a beautiful name.  You could tell your daughter that in Hong- Kong her name means something like rose, flower, princess, or lovely.

Answer 17

No it is part of their identity unless you feel it is a real problem. My friend  is from Hong Kong and she changed her name. I think she just translated it to English or something like that.

Answer 18

let the teacher know.

and let her pick a nickname. but don't change her legal name.

also, come Chinese New Year (if yall celebrate that), give her more money in the red packets and let her know to be proud of her heritage

Answer 19

Kids tease kids about everything. Names, appearance, clothes, abilities or lack thereof...

teach her to be a strong woman who is not afraid of or disappointed by her heritage. Teach her that the world is not fair, but she can succeed through hard work and integrity. Teach her that the words mean nothing, but expose the other kids.

If you change her name the kids who tease win. What lesson have you provided? When times are tough you give in? No no and again no. Teach her self respect. Be the adult.

Answer 20

Please don't give her an American name.  Kids get picked on for various things.  If it's not her name, they'll find something else.  Instead, teach her to be proud of her Chinese heritage and find positive female role models (both Chinese and American) for her to look up to.  

Also, and this is for you rather than for her, check out the movie "The Namesake."  It's about an Indian family living in America.  

Answer 21

No she should be proud of her name.  Kids will tease no matter what.  I have a gender neutral name.  Sidney, it can be either a boys name or a girls name.  John Waynes real first name was Marion.  Another gender neutral name.  I'm sure he was teased about it while growing up.

sid

Answer 22

my apologies to you and your daughter for

all of the thoughtless, ignorant people (both

adults and their children who aren't raised to know

any better) who have decided it'd be fun to hurt a little

girl's feelings over something she has no control over!!

from my experience as both a student and a teacher,

i've found that this can be approached in a variety of

ways:

-there's a private, sort of aggressive approach you can take where you can talk to your daughter (tho i'm sure you probably have already tried) and let her know that, unfortunately as she knows, people can be mean and because it's not right, maybe she needs to (peacefully) stand up for herself and let the other kids know that they're hurting her feelings and that they need to respect her as she respects them..... maybe even teach her a little more about the origin of her name (its meanings, etc) so she can educate her peers (they might even think it's cool to have learned a little chinese!) and they'll think of it as something other than "a bunch of funny sounds".

-an effective, passive aggressive approach would be to talk to her teachers (and/or, if you feel comfortable enough, other parents, as they might be able to help and/or offer advice) about it and maybe encourage them to give the kids a lesson in cultural tolerance and social etiquette....

-another effective (tho rather extreme) solution that is long-term is to give her an american nickname (something i've noticed many of my asian friends adopted when they moved to america).

this might be easier for her friends to remember and fun for your daughter to pick out... tho personally, i feel like it sort of robs one of cultural pride (because it shows the child that instead of it being "ok" to be different and stand by their heritage it's better to assimilate to a whole other culture just for the sake of convenience..... but, once again, that's a total matter of opinion and might not matter to anyone other than myself! hehe).

and, finally, my favourite solution

(i've yet to try or see this, but think it might be a good one!):

-a fun idea might even be to throw a party for a chinese holiday (maybe something universally popular, such as the new year) or even her birthday (this, in addition to being less expensive than a random gathering, as the saying goes, will "kill two birds with one stone").

invite all her classmates (especially the ones who are teasing her) and maybe a few parents, and include a little bit of information about the traditions (why it's done, what to wear, expect, etc... this way it won't seem so "weird" to the kids, but rather might whet their appetites for all things chiense!) in the invitations (this will encourage dialogue between the parents and kids and foster a little bit of curiosity, if not understanding) and make it a fun, learning experience for everyone! maybe even have a game where the kids learn certain "cool" words in chinese and can make up their own names (perhaps you can even write them in the traditional chinese calligraphy on a piece of red paper for them as a part favour!).

i very much agree with the notion that people tend to

fear what they do not understand (and thus "defend" themselves by being on the "offense", in this case picking on your daughter).

so, i think that education is the best solution and the more fun and exciting it is, the more it will interest her peers and encourage a little multicultural tolerance in a big, multicultural world (and a little can go a long way in this day and age).....

good luck!!

<3

Answer 23

Maybe she could shorten her name to "B", like the western name "Bea" ?

It's a pity that she should have to change though. I'm sorry for the ill treatment she's getting here, everyone is welcome in America and I'm sorry some people don't act like it.

But welcome to our wonderful country :)  

Answer 24

No it's apart of life as a child. Kids would only find something else to tease her about. Just teach her how to deal with it and respond.  

Answer 25

Most of my Asian friends who have very ethnic names were given American ones. You don't have to, though. Kids are kids and they do this kind of thing. I'm sure they'll grow out of teasing her. You could shorten it to just Bo, or give her an American name. I would say let her pick her name, and you could do that, but as a 10 year old she may not make the best decision! (My favorite name at ten was actually seven names in one...Mary-Kate Delayney Shaylee Fay Nelli Angelina Claire...most of my dolls are named that)