We are on a break -we both decided -what can be the outcome?

Question

So we didn't get along lately.

We've been together for one year, with a bad start because he was with another chick to at the beginning when i found out i didn't want to give up (he is a great man...) so we continued dating until he broke up with the other one.

All in all we had a great time together, we planned and went o vacation around Europe, by car and it was a great trip. We had a great time, a few minor arguments but it was great. Afterwards he went on a trip with his friends for a week and when he was back everything was changed.

He was changed, all he wants is to have fun, he makes plans for New Years, Christmas, some other trips by the end of the year. Surprise: i am not in any of these plans. Actually i am not included in anything.

I have to mentions something: his x (he was really in love with her, together for almost 3 years, plans of marriage and kids) works for him. I met her, they are very close -they do know each other for years now- and i think he might still be in love with her (broke up 1.5 years ago..she has a b/f for more than 1 year now). He always says he didn't want to comit and have a relationship but as i came up he did it for me because i am so special...

But in the end i don't think i can win. I mean after one year all his plan don't include me, i see him once per week and during the weekend. When we meet he's very tired from work and all, he barely talks, he only wants to hang out and fool around, which is fine with me, but i would like to be able to talk to my man about my worries and concerns, future and to actually be able to plan something with him.

I shouldn't even mention the holidays, when i hate being by myself :( and he's going to be away...

So now a friend of him came by, he havent seen him for a while and he stays at his place for a week (btw we don't live together...he never ever had the intention to live with me, even though he moved in with his g/friends shortly after he started the relationships with them...).

We went to the beach in the weekend and on monday he calls me and tells me we wont be able to meet this week cuz he has this guy, and work and they r going to do a boys night and go to the mountain this week. I am not invited to any of these...

He says he loves me, he is not in love with me -reason being he doesn't want to be in love, as he was really hurt by the other chick, and i was wondering, is this possible? For him not to find 1 hour this week to meet me?

So...i got hurt. I wish i say pissed...i told him i feel unappreciated and unconsidered, and i don't know why we are together. Just for the s*x and fun? So can you be with someone for 1 year just for fun? And i told him that i will take this week as a break to put my thoughts in order and he said he needs this break too.

Because he feels like i push him forward when he doesnt want to take the relationship fwd, it is fine the way it is for him. And trust me, i am the best g/f ever, we even have a deal, if he goes out by himself and you know, gets drunk, meets a girl and all that he can do whatever, as long as it is just s*x and he doesnt meet her again...

So i dont get it ...how do i push him? Am i the crazy one?

So we are on a break.

I talked to him yesterday -we had some issue to solve- and he said we'd meet to talk next week...next week...because he needs to see things from the outside, without me around, he needs to miss me. He says that this is how he is going to realize he wants to be with me, or not.

In the end i am just hurt. I don't need a week to realize if i love him, i already know it...i gave him everything and he says it, i make him feel like a king when i'm with him...but it seems that it is not enough.

What do you think this break will lead to? I only see a break up but i don't know why really guys need breaks....

Answer 1

I am sorry to say this but I don't think he really wants to be in a relationship and enjoys being single and free to do whatever he wants.

Answer 2

Even if you still love him, this does not sound like a good relationship. He should be committed to you, and involving you with his friends. And the fact that he always has "plans with his friends" could be that he is hiding something. Call him up, or make plans to talk to him some place private where you can talk and deal about things. Tell him exactly how you feel about his ex and everything. My advice: if you want to be in a long relationship, it won't work if this person is nt in love with you. So I say give it a week and meet some new people, hang out with your friends and after words talk to him. If he breaks up with you don't be depressed. It probably wasn't meant to be. Also, you can still be friends if he breaks up with you. Lastly- there are a ton of other guys out there!

Answer 3

there are only two outcomes to this break, either you both decide you want to be together or one of you decides you want a break up; it's really not all that complicated.  You can't push him into a relationship he doesn't want....you need to find yourself a counselor and figure out why you feel the need to control this man......

Answer 4

When a man suggests a break usually it leads to a break up. I know when i've suggested breaks we end up breaking up. But YOU suggested a break to THINK thinks over.. and when a man thinks its NOT good.. but honestly you should get with someone that thinks of you in their future, that takes you in consideration. He doesnt want to take any steps with you and he did them with everyone else. and yea he says he doesnt want to get hurt but come on.. he doesnt do anything to include you in anything, I think you should get away from him and be with someone who appreciates you. bc this guy sounds like he doesnt care. Breaks are pre-break ups.. so you guys are going to break up..  

Answer 5

Forget about him he is using you, he obviously doesn't want a long term commitment he only wants fun, move on and find someone who will commit their life to you.

Answer 6

Some people dont know what they want. Maybe he doesnt want you. You cant expect people to change either, they do that in their own time and time is what we are really talking about here. You want the perfect partner it doesnt seem like he is the one right now maybe possibly never, some people would like to become a family like what in a way im guessing you want out of a relationship, but maybe its not the case with this guy. once a week is a sure sign he aint interested in getting married having kids etc, well not now. If i would be u id move on the possiblity is he may start to have interest again if you do that then as soon as you give in it will be the same, that is why people usually tend to say you dont ever get back with your x.

That said If i was in your position id meet some guys for friendships and see where it will go from there dont just jump into a physical relationship. That way you will see ok maybe this mate of yours here is suitable be more open with your wants in a long time, and make sure you can talk to your male friends like they are friends. cause in the end a proper partnership is about communication, friendship and love. Friendship is a biggy here, also its important to see how mature people are they could be 30 even 40 but still they may lack the maturity in some areas.

Good luck to ya.