We are planning to adopt a child from an adoption disruption. Would love to visit with others who have done so

Question

We are planning to adopt a child from an adoption disruption. Would love to visit with others who have done so

Answer 1

I am very interested in the circumstances behind the disrupted adoption.  How old is the child?  Why was the adoption disrupted.  I don't mean to be nosy.  It's just that, as an adoptive parent myself, I have come to realize that most adoptive parents do not have a clue about what lies ahead for them.  Not that adoption is bad, and not that I would discourage anyone from adopting.  I am saying that the states and the agencies SHOULD feel an obligation to educate adoptive parents about the many possible struggles that they may have to deal with.  There may be years of therapy needed.  It may be very expensive, and very emotionally draining.  If adoptive parents understand this ahead of time, and they want to devote their love and time and energy to helping these children heal and to giving them a chance at a decent life, then they should adopt.  However, many times adoptive parents have a fantasy idea about the way things will be.  If a child has been abused or neglected, simply placing that child in a loving home will NOT erase the damage,  The damage is pretty much permanent.  The best you can hope for is to give them the therapy and the love and stability to help them find healing, and to help them have a better chance at a good life.  The scars will always be there, even if the wounds are healed.  

I would find out as much as you can possibly find out about the reason this adoption was disrupted.  There may be circumstances that you would really need to be prepared to deal with.  Please let me know if I can help with any other questions.

Answer 2

We may have to disrupt our adoption ... this will be the girls' second time .. circumstances are beyond our control and we are unable to provide the same level of care they need ... we have to move due to my husbands relocation .. we've been struggling with this for 2 days now .. still unsure which way to go .. our disruption will be just as devasting as the first for them .. some times life throws too much at you and you have to make the hardest decisions ever .. we knew this was coming but not for a few years .. seems now they moved it up to 3 months and with the financial losses we'll take and the stresses on our family I'm not sure who we'll hang on to our lives.

Answer 3

Most of the families who have adopted children following a disruption will feel out of place on a public forum like this one... as the issues and needs of these children are so intense and the damage done to the child Unrepairable.

The families parenting children with this level of HURT tend to find resources in person--and other forum sites where issues can be discussed more privately--in closed groups, listserves and forums. There are several here on Yahoo Groups.

The odds are any children placed following a disruption will either have sever and significant speical needs or emotional issues the generaly public is unable deal with. Since we as the parents, trained and certified may want to talk about unspeakable issues in a way outsiders may find insensitive.

Or the children will have been in an adoption placement with families who didn't realize that life has curves and bumps and that parenting is a hard road... While these children may be at no fault for the behavior of the parents who took them on consignment---they are hurt all the same and perhaps more--as they cannot even pinpiont a reason why they were Given Back....

Either way these children may spend Years just looking for a families Breaking Point and test every possible way they know how to Make You give up on them just like everyone else has....

If you would like to talk with more parents loving these special damaged children I can help your connect although, It might be a situation that requires a slower pace of communication as most of us have to deal with our children and Life In General rather then giving up on our children....