We are thinking of adopting. Is there a least expensive way.?

Question

We lost our child a few months back, now for the first time I am really thinking with all that I have been thru we should adopt.

We cant affor $50,000 like most places we have seen. Anyone know a way to adopt, with out loosing your home.

I want to be a great mother and raise my child understanding the meaning of a loving family. I was adopted and my life was not that. I think I want to give a child a chance since I undstand.

Yes, I would like to have my own, but with a misscarriagage and many failed IUIs I cant handle the sadness anymore.

Please offer any info if at all possible. Many thanks!

Answer 1

I agree that you need to take time and grief the loss of the baby. It's great that you do want to adopt but it almost sounds like what people do when they are grieving the loss of a dog, they go get a puppy right away to fill the void. Filling the void of your child, with a new one will not make you happy or make you forget. It may even complicate matters. You also may need to take some time to work through issues related to being unable to carry your own child and what that means.

Special needs adoptions through state agencies are free. But these are children with problems not perfect angels sent from heaven.

Take some time, grieve your tragic loss and then and only then consider adoption.

Answer 2

There are no cheap AND legal ways to adopt an infant.  And it's also a long process, taking years in many cases.

From what you've written here, it sounds as though you may still be grieving the loss of your child.  I would second Jane's suggestion and seek counseling.  Be sure, before you make any decision to adopt, you've fully grieved the lost of your child.  That will be better for you and any child you adopt in the long run.

You should also be sure to read plenty of things about adoption.  Here are some suggested books:

* "Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self" by Brodzinsky, Schecter, and Henig

* "Journey of the Adopted Self" by Betty Jean Lifton

* "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier

Good luck to you, and I'm sorry for your loss.

Answer 3

Go through Child Protective Services.  This is what my fiances parents did. His mom had cervical cancer, and also lost her child at 6 weeks. She adopted my Fiance (4 at the time), his little brother (1 1/2 at the time), and his little sister (8 months old at the time). They all share the same biological mother, and were able to stay together.

  Not only is this less expensive, when they are old enough for college, the state will pay for their tuition.

These kids come from troubled homes, and are is desparate need of loving parents.  They are ofter placed in foster homes until they find potential parents.

I am 19 weeks with my first child, and me and my fiance (adopted through CPS) plan on adopting this way one day.

Good luck.

-Britt

Answer 4

firstly you should be very proud of yourselves, thinking of a less fortunate child (that until they find you) after all you have been through.

i am in England and over here it is free, can be a long process but are you not able to go to your local government to ask if they run a similar scheme in your country.

no need to say you want to be a great mother, you will be.  

people like you are worth your weight in gold so i wish you every happiness!

as for you own pregnancy, i know of someone who lost baby after baby then fell on ivf after a long time, then fell naturally shortly after delivering the ivf baby her home is like the waltons now, lovely but very busy.

i will keep my fingers crossed for you x

Answer 5

The best option is to look at adopting through fostercare.  We did this and adopted two little boys, ages 1 and 3.  It is true that there are fewer infants placed for adoption in the fostercare system, but there are many young children (3 years or less) and ALL of them are in real need of a loving and stable home.  Don't believe the stories that all foster kids are 'damaged' or have 'issues', and don't believe the stories that the process is convoluted or difficult.

Adopting though fostercare will cost you $1000 or less.  And, in some cases, the state will even reimburse you for legal and other expenses (if you adopt siblings, minorities, or special needs kids).  

Contact the local state agency that oversees the fostercare system.  They will be able to provide you with all the information you will need about adopting.  In our state, Texas, the state contracts with non-profit organizations to help people  through the process.

Answer 6

Adoption can be extremely expensive right down to $0.00 . It depends entirely on who you contact. State Adoption is free, but it carries some downsides, the children have been taken from their parents, and will often be suffering from that Trauma for YEARS to come. 90% of all children/babies taken in by CPS/DHS have been removed for unjustified reasons and this leaves both the real parents, the adoptive parents and the children with a lot of Problems that may never be resolved. You will also have CPS in your life until the child reaches 18. There is a much less waiting time when you adopt from the State, you will have to have your home inspected, background check, and a few other things. Next of course is Private adoption, usually very expensive and many times risky, but you are free from Government interference. Another option is through someone like Lutheran Social Services, they are very thorough, matching parents with appropriate babies/children, they require you participate in classes, the home inspection, a lot of paper work, and of course you are expected to pay..........they recoup whatever it has cost them to take care of the baby, and often the mother/her medical Bills, I cannot give you a Specific dollar amount, but you can figure on $10,000 - $15,000. However, you can accept a disabled child, and understand that the definition of disabled is a BROAD term........something as minor as an extra toe, a minor imperfection, or as severe as mental retardation etc, these babies can be yours for a few thousand dollars. It usually takes a year or more before you receive your child through them, they are VERY supportive of both you and the child, they will visit once a month for a year or more. Lest you wonder how I know, it is because I adopted 3 children through the State and 2 from Lutheran Social Services. I would NEVER deal with the State again if my life depended on it, whereas Lutheran S.S. were fantastic. Pick your agency wisely, your life and the child's happiness may depend on that choice.

Answer 7

i think you shouldnt be down for what happened and keep trying well me i want another baby but it just dont seem to happen every month is a dissapointment but im still trying come on your not the only one i know you could do it but if you wanna adopt im sure if you go to the hospital they might give you some information there im sorry about your baby my friend went through that and is feeling the same way

Answer 8

you are basically screaming, "i am in pain.  i want to make it go away.  the reason i am in pain is bc i lost my baby.  another one will make it go away."

not true.

please grieve.

Answer 9

I am sorry you lost your child, but I think it is wonderful that you want to adopt!



Check out an adoption website like these;

http://www.adopting.org/

http://www.adopt.org/

http://www.adoptuskids.org/

There are international and domestic adoptions, plus, I am assuming you want an infant by the look of your nursery- which is adorable!- but there are also toddlers, and kids that need homes too.

Adoption is a wonderful thing.  I am not adopted, but I have friends that are.  Yes, there could be heartache and frustrations and long long long waiting periods- but in the long run, you will be just as happy with your adopted child as if it was biological.

Good luck!!

Answer 10

I am so sorry for your loss!  How devestating for you and your husband.  Please get some help coping with your grief.  There are support groups and organziations that help parents who have lost children after birth or from a miscarriage.

If you're considering adoption, you should look at all of the options (foster care adoption, international adoption and domestic adoption).  Each option has its benefits and drawbacks and the cost also varies tremendously.  Most people who adopt can't shell out $50K either!  And most don't!

Do your research carefully, consider all your options, then make the choice that's best for your family.

Before you do this,however, take the time to grieve for your lost baby, your miscarriages and your fertility issues.  This takes time, but it's important that you and your husband work through this before starting the adoption process.  

Good luck!

Answer 11

I'm really sorry that you lost your baby :(

I can only imagine how much that hurts.

But I think you need to take time and reconsider adoption. Why do I say this ? Because there are many many obstacles that you will go through in the adoption process that could be just as painful to you, ie you may go all the way down a path to adopting a baby and then the birth mother changes her mind the day b4 you are due to take the baby home, how will you cope with that ?

That will be another devastating loss for you

Are you receiving counselling ? personally I feel you definitely should be.

You need time to grieve these losses and replacing this child that you most recently lost by looking at adoption is not going to help ease your pain.

If you *understand* as a adoptee then you know that being a biological child to a mother and father is so much different to being a adopted child regardless of good or bad upbringing.

I think you should receive counseling and i believe you should go to a specialist/

You may find that the there was something medically wrong with that baby (if a atopsy was done) and that it was a sad one off and that your next pregnancy could be the happiest.

If you had of had numerous miscarriages then I might view it differently, but one miscarriage does not mean you are going to continually have them.

There can be pain in adopting a child as well

Again I am sorry for you loss of your baby and I wish you lots of healing Hugs xx..Oh and i love your babys room its beautiful x\

ETA regarding KittyK's comment

Quote "Adoption is a wonderful thing. I am not adopted, but I have friends that are. Yes, there could be heartache and frustrations and long long long waiting periods- but in the long run, you will be just as happy with your adopted child as if it was biological"

Unquote

Puke.....So because you have friends that are adopted you therefore are a expert and know its a wonderful thing ?

And okay isnt that a charm, that the aparent will be just as happy with the adopted child as a biological one...BUT Will the adopted child be just as happy with the Adopted Parent as they would have a Biological one...

IF you are not adopted, if you have not adopted, if you have not given a child up for adoption, if you are not a relative to adoption then DO NOT COMMENT on what you do not know and what you will NEVER understand.

ETA #2  To the Opening Poster TV

If you look My edit above was to the poster KittyK and not to you

I Know you are adopted

I was telling KittyK who is not adopted to but out

Answer 12

Adopt from foster care - it's free and there are MANY children out there who need a home with loving parents

Answer 13

I know what you are going through to a point.  I have never lost a child but not being able to have one feels like all the dreams for my future have died.  

I have no doubt that you will be an excellent mother considering what you have gone through to become one and the fact that you know what it means to be adopted.

I feel it is unfair of people to say she needs to grieve first and isn't ready.  She knows and no one else can say that she isn't ready just by reading this post.

Have you considered IVF?  We have but aren't because of the cost...it is like adopt or IVF?  Can't try both.  The doctors have told me not to even consider IUI.

I don't really have any advice to offer on adoption except to consider foster care.  I know that would be so hard emotionally.  The dave thomas foundation has a ton of info on their site about foster care adoptions and will send you information through the postal mail.  There is project cuddle too.  It is a non-profit organization established to help birth mothers by setting them up with adoptive families.  The purpose is to prevent babies from being abandoned.  It isn't a sure thing but worth the shot.  I think you fill out a questionaire that includes how much you are willing to help out the birth mother with expenses etc.

Answer 14

I would try and go through a state adoption agency instead of a private one, also you might try a toddler or preschooler instead of a baby.  They would still be young enough they should adjust fairly well, and it probably would be cheaper because more people want babies.

Answer 15

it costs 20 bucks to adopt a puppy