We both agreed we didn't want a ceremony. But he changed his mind....?

Question

Me & my fiance have always said we never wanted a wedding ceremony. We wanted to save our money for a nice vacation instead. However, just last week he changed his mind. His mother and grandmother want a wedding now and he will not stop demanding we have one. I have never wanted one...I HATE being the center of attention, i HATE pictures and I'm not very close to my family. My parents have agreed to pay for the wedding if we decide to have one.

I don't think it's fair though for him to change his mind last second and decide he wants a ceremony. I also don't think it's fair for my parents to have to pay for a wedding that was put on them last minute and when HE's the only one that wants one

We were supposed to have a courthouse wedding in two weeks...

I'm willing to have one for his family, but I just don't think this is fair at all...

What should I do? Is there a happy medium?

Answer 1

Honestly have a small ceremony and only invite very close family.  The one thing you do not want in the beginning of a relationship is for him to regret not having a ceremony and your in-laws will appreciate the gesture.  

Marriage is about compromise, it is never about fair...

Answer 2

I changed my mind about having a wedding after my fiance and I had already planned to only bring immediate family to City Hall. We noticed that City Hall could accommodate upwards of about 30 people, so we decided to just invited that many people to the City Hall wedding. We're going to a restaurant afterwards. It's a bit of a compromise. Maybe you could do something like that. Just because you want a wedding, doesn't mean it has to be complicated.

Answer 3

Well, you can't just get a license and consider yourselves married.  All the license does is give you permission to marry.  You have to be married by a minister or judge or justice of the peace for it to be legal.  

So you are going to have to have a ceremony of some kind.  And if your fiance wants a wedding, have a small one with just family and very close friends.    

Answer 4

Hi Ashley and congratulations!

First off....I'm glad you put in that little extra info about the courthouse wedding.  Maybe you have been misinformed, but you cannot simply apply for your marriage license and then you are married.  You DO have to go through a ceremony....whatever kind....big...little...church or courthouse.  In any case, you DO have to go in front of someone and say vows, exchange rings (if you want rings), sign the marriage license, etc.  So, again, you simply are not married just by getting the license.  The license is the legal document allowing you to marry.

With that said.....the only thing I can say is that the key to a great marriage is compromise!!  So the time to start is now!

I, myself, HATE to be the center of attention, so I can sympathize with you.  But why not compromise and have a small wedding?  Have your immediate families (parents, grandparents, siblings/spouses and families) along with a few friends.  If you have something small and intimate with those you love, it won't be so bad and it won't feel like you are on display.

I hope this helps.  I really think you should compromise on a small wedding.  Who pays for it is between you and your fiance and your parents.  None of us can tell you what to do about that.

Good luck!

Answer 5

ok.. here is my answer as a recent bride. I hate hate hate being the center of attention. You should just have a small wedding with only close friends and family. like 50-75 people. You said your parents have agreed to pay for the wedding, well you can still use the money you saved up to go on your honeymoon, and plus you get money from attendants. I honestly think you should have a wedding. It will be fun! trust me!!! Also marraige is about compromise! so give it a try. I think you will regret it, if you dont! :) Good Luck hun!!!!  

Answer 6

Tough one.

Compromise.  Invite them to the courthouse with you.  Wear whatever you want and have no pictures.

Then plan some kind of reception meal.  Maybe they take you out to lunch or you throw a tiny back yard get together with your closest friends and that family you're not close to.

Sometimes weddings are more for our families than for ourselves.  I'm learning that lesson, too.

Best of luck and congratulations.