We can't communicate and it feels like divorce is over the hill after 2 years of marriage... ?

Question

i have no idea what i am in search for... maybe some advice of some sort like how to get over this but we are having our first baby in 2 months and we are constantly fighting about stupid stuff. i never know how he feels b/c he never talks. the only time he ever talks is over stupid text messaging and he just told me he doesn't feel comfortable telling me how he feels and stuff. i dont' know. he was just recently diagnosed with PTSD from his deployment to iraq. i don't know. i can't deal with all of this. i'm so worried that everything is going to the ground and nothing seems to be getting better. he goes to a counselor and i'm assuming spills his guts to her about everything and what am i supposed to do? i dont' know. i don't know if i can deal with this any longer. it feels like since he's been diagnosed he's used it as an excuse for everything. he tells me i dont' understand what's going on in his head and stuff but how am i supposed to know anything when he doesn't even talk to me! i dont' know. help...

Answer 1

Men are complicated to keep us entertained..LOL...My son just came back from Iraq....he is having a tough time also.....I can't imagine how hard it would be with a wife and baby on the way....He is probably really having trouble talking because he is having trouble putting it together for himself......the one line you can try is....I know you think I won't understand and I might not, I might not like what I am hearing and it might upset me BUT if you do not even try I make up stuff in my head and I promise you anything I am making up is worse then what you need to tell me...It has worked for me in the past.....here is the  thing whatever he tells you then you have to just go with it...make sure you want to hear what he has to tell you.....could be bad like....I'm not sure about you and the baby.......can you handle that like a calm rational person? If not you might just want to give it some time...Good luck

Answer 2

before you give up, look into going to a counselor yourself, it may help you to understand what is going on better.  

Answer 3

You need to go to counseling together because it gets soo much worse after the birth of a new baby.you need to try to stabilize your marriage BEFORE that baby gets here because if you don't there is a 80% chance you will end up divorcing your husband.My husband isn't a talker either but if he was unhappy with you in some way he would let you know.

Answer 4

Look, if he's already going to therapy for his PTSD, then he's obviously got to be somewhat open to the idea of marriage counseling.  At this point, marriage counseling is the ONLY thing that may save this marriage.  The 2 of you MUST learn valuable communication skills and skills you can use when either of you are angry or feeling upset.  You can learn those through a counselor!  No marriage can survive is 1 is determined to hold in everything while 1 is always trying to communicate.  That's not how it works.  Tell him if he doesn't agree to marriage counseling to learn how to deal w/ this then it's over - see if that wakes him up.  What he went through may be horrible but he's about to lose everything he ever loved if he's not careful.  He needs to man up and accept help when it's needed.

Answer 5

Trust me he's not telling you how he feels because he can't.  He's been through something, maybe even something that has changed how he feels about himself, and he doesn't want you to have those feelings or try to explain himself to you.  If he's not telling you anything how he feels, for example, you ask him did he like supper, he says I'm not telling, now that's ridiculous, but I don't think that's what you mean.  Maybe he no longer knows how to feel.  Give him some time and be patient.

Answer 6

Communication is the key to any marriage. If he will talk to you via text messaging and open up then do it. My husband and I split up for 7 months and that is one of the ways we both opened up to each other. I am not a vocal person I am one that can write it before I can say it. That will also give them a chance to recoup their thoughts in their response. Hope all that made sense. My husband and I NEVER talked before, now if we don't talk we wonder what is up with the other and we will ask.

Have you thought about seeing the counselor he is seeing also? I am sure he is opening up or getting something out of seeing that counselor or he wouldn't keep going.

Not sure what PTSD is so I can't comment on that part.

Hang in there and keep trying to talk to him, even if you set down and write him an email or a letter or text. Just keep trying. If you want your marriage to work and so does he you guys can get through this.

Hang in there.

Answer 7

I have a friend that is in the Marines and he goes to a counselor about being in Iraq and what not....it seems as though your husband is really troubled and he either feels like you couldnt help him or maybe it has to do with the baby on the way....i would suggest seeing a counselor together ....if he isnt willing to open up to you and discuss his feelings nothing will ever get better......