We don't want bachelor/bachelorette parties.?

Question

We decided together, right after we got engaged, that we didn't want to have parties. The only things we want to do is a bridal shower and rehersal dinner. How can we make sure our maids and groomsmen don't 'suprise' us? Or better yet, how can we tell them we don't want bachelor/bachelorette parties?

Answer 1

My daughters & son in laws decided not to do the parties also. Instead, they had a BBQ with everyone together.

Answer 2

juat tell them.... they probably won't spend the $$ to surprise you if you stress how unhappy you would be with it..  if they still want to do something for the two of you, maybe you could do some kind of group activity.... I don't know what area you live in but maybe rent a party boat for all your friends togther and hang out in the ocean or a lake..... play paintball..... just have a big party.. sorry, if i knewe your area i would be able to help you better..

but just tell them... they should respectyour wishes.

Answer 3

Suggest a spa day as your bachelorette party. That's the new popular choice these days. Or, you can do something like hit the local amusement park and ride all of the roller coasters(because life can be like one), or go skydiving, or white water rafting. Strip clubs and debauchery aren't the only ways to celebrate starting a new phase of your life!

Answer 4

Just say so.

Answer 5

We didn't either. If someone asked, we just told them that having a bridal shower was enough. You attendants will respect your wishes. We wanted to wait for the wedding day to celebrate!

Answer 6

They should respect you'lls wishes.If they throw you one anyway,just dont go,cause they knew you guys didnt want one.Sorry if thats being mean.They should respect you'lls decision.

Answer 7

That's great and good for you :)

Call/Meet/Email them all together from both of you and say that you two don't want it and won't appreciate a surprise like that at all and instead would love just a rehearsal dinner or if they really want to throw something they can have a potluck bbq for you two, bridesmaids and groomsmen to mingle and get to know each other better.

All the best.

Answer 8

Say We don't want bachelor or bachelorette parties. Another way to ensure that they don't do it anyway is to schedule other things for later that evening that you will not be able to miss. Then even if they do plan something, you will be off the hook

Answer 9

Just be honest with them and let them know that you guys dont want one and you want them to obey your decision

Answer 10

We didn't have them either, what we had was an out BBQ together with our friends and family. We had a dunk tank and Sumo wrestling, I got drunk and Sumo wrestled my husband and kicked his butt.

Answer 11

what do you mean 'how' do you tell them? you just say the words "i don't want a bachelorette party"

Answer 12

I think you need to just say that this is not your preference........you don't nned to sugarcoat anything as this is about you. Just mention, thanks if you were thinking of this but John and I would prefer just a simple shower if you guys were considering doing something.

Although, it is not "proper" to assume you are getting a party, lets be realistic and say we all knew as brides that someone was going to do this......so I say just go ahead and make mention of your request and give a reason that you don't want that much fuss and I think that should suffice

good luck

Answer 13

I don't see why this is a big deal.  Tell them straight out - no parties.  Tell them you are NOT joking and you really would NOT appreciate it if they plan parties.  If they're in your wedding party, you should be comfortable enough with them to tell them that.

Answer 14

after our rehearsal dinner, we all went as a group to a bar for some karaoke and drinks.  we closed the bar, and had a blast!  nothing raunchy, nothing inappropriate (aside from a couple song choices, but we're all adults!), and we had so much fun!  maybe plan something like that?  it wasn't a bachelor/ette party, but it was a night out with friends and a ton of fun!  everyone wins!

and as far as sophie's site...don't bother.  her information was useless for planning my wedding.  check out theknot.com for all your wedding questions.  great message board there!

Answer 15

Well, you could try saying, "we don't want bachelor/bachelorette parties."

I heard sometimes the truth works.

You might want to try it.

Answer 16

Just tell them. Or another idea:

After our rehearsal dinner, the wedding party and our parents and us went out. We called it our bach. parties, because we didn't want to have the real deal. It was just a fun time to kick back with family and friends!

Answer 17

You say "We don't want bachelor/bachelorette parties."  True friends would respect your wishes.  

I have to add though, people throw you parties because they love and care for you.  It doesn't have to be the stereotypical "bachelor/bachelorette" party.  If your friends insist, perhaps you could do a dinner out, or something simple.  Or, alot of people are doing combined parties where everyone gets together and just hangs out together doing whatever your crownd likes to do.  It could be a dinner, game night, movie night, barbeque, whatever.

But whatever you decide upon, your friends and family should be able to respect your wishes, although you may have to say it more than once.

Answer 18

Tell them "I know it's traditional for you guys to throw us these parties, but we'd rather not have them."

However, be gracious when they do throw a bachelor party. (Bachelorettes can be raunchy, so it's understandable that they'd be cancelled, but a bachelor party is hard to get out of).