We have 180 people invited to our wedding. Our rehearsal dinner is being paid for by my inlaws to be.

Question

But I have been in charge of planning and sending out invitations. When I put the final number together it was 115!!!

Here's how the numbers split up:

me: (includes me & my fiance and daughter)-42

fiance:29

In-laws:44 (all of their guests are from out of town)

I think this number is ridiculous. We already have a restaurant reserved and there's room, but it is pricey and we are serving wine and beer. If i cut first cousins, I cut MY guests to 25. that leaves the others though.

I feel bad inviting out of town guests and not having things planned for them. I will have bags for them at the hotel with information about restaurants and stuff. It seems like people will be coming so far and spending so much money. I feel horrible. Any ideas?

I'd like to also add that my in-laws are VERY nice and will do whatever I want, but I don't want to offend them.

Answer 1

well technically the rehearsal dinner is only supposed to be for the bridal party and the parents.... I suggest talking to your in laws and telling them... this is how many that are invited then give them the break down. let them know that you would be willing to cut some of your people out if that's what they wish (and hopefully they will follow suit)

Answer 2

I think it's generally understood that rehearsal dinners are just for members of the wedding party and, often, their spouses, so I don't think your out-of-town guests will take offense if you can't include them. The bags you're leaving for them at the hotel are thoughtful, and I'm sure they will be appreciated.

It seems like you need to just come out and ask your in-laws what their expectations of the rehearsal dinner are (do they think it is just for the wedding party or for out-of-towners as well?) and then plan accordingly.

Best of luck.

Answer 3

Isn't the rehearsal dinner only for people in the wedding?

Answer 4

Here's the compromise I landed on.  Only immediate people IN the wedding were invited to the rehearsal dinner (with spouses that put us at around 30).  I held a dessert party after the rehearsal dinner that I invited extended family and all of the out of town guests to.  

My rehearsal was at 5, dinner at 6, dessert at 8 and I was in bed by 10.

I promise none of those people expect to be invited to the rehearsal dinner.

Answer 5

Are you kidding me? The rehearsal dinner is only for the people in the wedding.  You don't have to have everyone at the rehearsal dinner because they will be at the wedding.  Don't make it a big deal.  Just have the people who are in your wedding at the rehearsal dinner.  The number is ridiculous so you need to speak up.  I have never heard of such a big rehearsal dinner.  I had my parents, inlaws, the bridal party, and the two people that were reading at our wedding.  I didn't have anyone else.  You would be taking advantage of your inlaws by having such a large rehearsal dinner.  I promise you that no one who isn't in the wedding will expect to be invited to the rehearsal dinner.

Answer 6

The rehearsal dinner is supposed to be for the wedding party and parents and grandparents.  Not every one who is invited to the wedding.

Answer 7

this is a wedding, not a vacation that you have to plan for 180 people.  people from out of town can consult AAA or each other or your family to find out how to kill time if they're coming in a few days in advance.  don't burden yourself with occupying them at all, you don't have the money or time to do that.  the rehearsal dinner is for the people who need to rehearse- the people IN the wedding.  and maybe their dates, if you're nice enough to invite dates to the rehearsal AND wedding.  generally people shouldn't be offended if their date isn't invited to the rehearsal dinner because it's a short informal night and you're feeing your wedding party as a courtesy because you asked them to take time the night before to rehearse the wedding.

Answer 8

the rehearsal dinner truly is just for the wedding party, their sig. others, and your immediate family. having 115 people to a rehearsal dinner totally negates the point of the reception. you are not obligated to provide meals and entertainment (aside from the wedding) for the entire weekend.

here is what you CAN do for your out-of-towners: provide hotel information (a given) and then provide a short list of local restaurants and bars that are near the hotels. you might also provide information on a local movie theatre or mall so that people can find ways to entertain themselves.

when people decide that they will make the trip, generally it's with the understanding that they will be responsible for any meals and activities outside of the wedding/reception.

don't stress! good luck!  

Answer 9

my love the rehearsal dinner is only for ppl in the wedding meaning all  bridesmaid  groomsmen   both sets of parents    and  you and your fiancee.

Answer 10

I have never gone to an out of town wedding that I expected to be "entertained" or otherwise occupied by the bride, groom or their families.  I think it would be the height of selfishness for a guest to believe that attneding an out of town wedding included anything but an invitation to the wedding and reception.

I am assuming that these are fully mature adults?

It is entirely possible that maybe they would like to use this time to be alone with their significant others.  Weddings are romantic for more than just the bride and groom and usually puts ideas into the heads of the already married.

Answer 11

The rehearsal dinner is supposed to be for the wedding party, not the guests who come the night before.  You're entitled to do your own thing, but if you follow that, your list should be very short.

The people who are coming from out of town know that you'll be completely busy the night before, and I'm sure they don't expect to see you.  You were wise to give them a list of local restaurants in their bag.

Answer 12

You do not need to invite that many to the rehearsal dinner. The only people there would be the bride/groom, parents, bridal party, grandparents, and immediate aunts and uncles of the Bride/groom. And of course any siblings of the bride/groom and Godparents as well. The guest of a wedding never expects to be invited to the rehearsal or the dinner that follows.  

Answer 13

For the rehearsal dinner I am only inviting immediate family and the people in the wedding.

Answer 14

Hey! it seems you already have the answer.

Do anything without hurting anybody.

Better do not go overboard without thinking.

Answer 15

You are correct:inviting sixty-five per-cent of your wedding guests to your rehearsal dinner is ridiculous. The rehearsal dinner is for the people who HAVE to be present at the rehearsal, to relax and unwind and share their happy excitement about being the "insiders" at the upcoming wedding. Once you have a hundred people included, they aren't "insiders" any more and the whole nature of the dinner has been compromised.

Have the wedding party and their spouses, the parents, and the officiant and his or her spouse at the rehearsal dinner. Relax, have a good time together, and get refreshed for the upcoming big day.

Out-of-town guests can take care of themselves. We are adults, and most of us enjoy experiencing a new city. We are sophisticated and cosmopolitan and quite capable of finding a restaurant and enjoying a quiet meal. Some of us may even take in a bit of theatre, or stroll in one of your city's parks or attractions. Some of us may prefer to relax in a hot bath and have room service after a day of travelling. Trust us -- we are not so needy as you might have been told.

Answer 16

it should be just the immediate family and bridal party.  you can do out of town guests if they traveled a good distance.  

Answer 17

You do not have to plan other people's vacations for them.  If you have given them a list of things to look into, you have done plenty.  I am having a destination wedding and my mother wants to have all kinds of activities.  But the truth is that many of thee people do not see each other often and they likely just want an opportunity to relax and catch up with their relatives.  Do not feel bad.

I think that number is a little out of control for a rehearsal dinner, that is almost everyone invited to the wedding and it may overshadow your day if they feel like they have already attended an event with these people.  I would try to cut it down to the people directly involved in the wedding and their spouses.  It is better that way.

Answer 18

You don't have to invite out of town guests. That's way old-style.

Just the wedding party, their spouses and children; parents and grandparents; siblings and spouses; close aunties/uncles. That's it.

Answer 19

The rehersal dinner is supposed to be a smaller get together for the people who are at the rehersal.  I would limit the dinner to the officiant, immediate family (parents and siblings), anybody in the bridal party, parents of the ring bearer and flower girl, and the dates of any of these people.  I think the rule about out of town guests only applies when you just have a few out of town guests.  You really shouldn't have more wedding guests at your rehersal dinner than not at your rehersal dinner.