We have been married for 3 years and together for 6. We have never had a smooth relationship and now we are ?

Question

drifting apart. We love each other but are becoming more of friends now. I don't feel like i am in love with him any more, but he is in love with me still. We have talked about a separation or divorce and he said that he doesn't want one but if I will be happy then he will give me one. We have been together since high school and neither of us has really experienced life. He is not very social and I feel like I am unable to be social as long as I am with him. I take care of all of the important things and despite us talking about him helping out, nothing changes. I don't want to leave him and realize that i have made a mistake. I don't know what to do and every time that I think about it i just want to crawl under a rock. My gut tells me to leave but I am scared. And It kills me to think that he wont move on for along time. I want him to be happy too.

Answer 1

Doesn't marriage vows mean anything to anyone anymore? When you married him, both of you were supposed to be willing to give up your life to make each other happy, but now you're wanting to "social" and you're willing to throw your marriage away for this? This might sound mean but you are so wrong for even thinking about this. The good news is, you can fall back in love with him, you already know he still loves you, so make it work. No one ever said marriage was easy, but it is what you make it, so make it work.

Yes I know what I'm talking about. My wife and I have known each other since the third grade, went out 3 1/2 years, graduated high school sweethearts and have been married 24 years. It took a lot of work but it only gets better. Trust me, you be glad you did. I wish you the best.

Answer 2

marriage is a life long commitment not something you try on for size. you have to understand there are always gonna be times your not happy and need to work on whats broken, the grass is never greener on the other side and if you don't figure out whats wrong in this one  the same thing will keep happening in all the rest . been there done that and after 18yrs  of marriage , i know  how you feel and i know how hard it is to keep hope in a long term relationship, but i learned gods prospective on marriage, the lord says we are one and have made a convent to  be one and threw him he can show you how to strive to keep your marriage , show grace and mercy and forgiveness just as he has done for you, if every time i fell  short  or got boring or forgot to give god thanks for my life and he decided i was not worthy than where would i be ?? treat people with the same heart as would have them treat you, be blessed and try praying for your marriage , he will bless you if you seek him , good luck  

Answer 3

If you are not happy now, you will never be.  What you need to do is go ahead with the separation and she how it goes for both you and him.  You need to whatever is going to make you happy in life and don't stay just for his sake.

Answer 4

Married people are supposed to be friends!!!! (best friends to be exact)

You are looking at how green the grass is on the other side of the fence.  I am sure that it is hard for you to look at what other people are doing and see perfection, yet not in your marriage.  Just remember that your husband loves you, and is even willing to give you up for you to be happy.  I don't know many people that can say their spouse would give up their own happiness for the happiness of their spouse.

You need to know that all of this partying and social engagements are like poison to a marriage sometimes.  They cause infidelity, jealousy, and superficiality.  Next thing you know, you will be competing with the Jones, etc...  all of that puts a lot of stress on an otherwise good marriage.

Why don't you just get him to let you have some barbecues with the neighbors or family?  Go out to dinner occasionally and to the movies.  Take a weekend vacation or a couple of weeks vacation alone together.

A few sessions with a marriage counselor might help you two to compromise enough to make it.

The grass is not greener, it just looks like that from the distance.  Better to fertilize your own yard first and see it it works.  The secrets of that other life will not satisfy you, only make you regretful you lost the love of your life.

Take it from somone that truly knows, I am sad to say.

Answer 5

split up now and don't even think about it anymore. think of yourself and be happy. this guy will be alright it sounds like he needs to grow up and do things for hom self your not his mother are you.

Answer 6

You are both good people but you have to understand life and move with it.

Quarrels are an in thing.

Misunderstandings are also bound to come up.

Probably, both of you still love each other and do not want to separate.

Give your self some more patient time, understand each other not as love partners , but as two humans who have known each other for a longtime, try and adjust to each others' needs.

I wish you both well and hope that things change amicabely for both of you .

Answer 7

It sounds like you may be a bit scared of being alone for a bit too. You have to live your life, you can't be with someone to make them happy when you aren't even happy yourself. Maybe you guys should take a break, almost like a trial separation, to see if it is what you want and to make sure you are 100% for sure. You have pretty much grown up together and even though you might now think you do, you might lean on him for support more than you think, he sounds like he has some growing up to do and this might do the trick. The feeling of not being in love is going to get worse, do what your heart tells you to do. Good luck to you, I know you will make the right choice.  

Answer 8

The mistake was marrying him, right? If things are not smooth to start with, they never iron out later. Bite the bullet and divorce, both for your sake and his.

Answer 9

I guess I'm going to be the odd girl out by giving you the advice that it appears everyone else is shying away from.  You married Til Death Do You Part, not until You Got Sick of Each Other or You Aren't Happy Anymore.  Stay with him and try to work it out.  Everything can be fixed, and you can find that love again -- trust me.  Give it 1 year, and if you still feel the same or want a divroce, then get one.

First things first, he needs to be helping you with the "important things."  I don't really know what these things are because you have failed to mention them, but it doesn't really matter anyway.  People in a marriage should always be a team, and always be there for one another.  If he is not helping you with "important things" than he is not there for you like he should be.  Explain this to him.  Tell him that you want this relationship to work very badly, but that you need a few things to change.  

"Neither one of us has experienced life."  That makes me feel like you're holding resent for staying with the same person for such a long period of time -- that's not a good thing.  Why can't you experience life as a married couple?  I don't think that you need to be single to "experience life."  I got married at 23, and I've had a wonderful life -- my husband and I experience everything together!  Unless of course you're talking about the dating scene, but I don't understand what that has to do with "experiencing life."  Why not try dating one another again?  Get out there, and go out at least once a week (or at least once a month if that's all you can afford) for a great night out!  Go do something fun, and be romantic and intimate with one another!  Hold hands, kiss, and flirt like it's your 2nd date.  Trust me, it really helps things.

Also, I have a suggestion for a book you should purchase.  My husband and I were drifting apart, and I bought it and it's REALLY helped out.  It's not very expensive, and it's totally worth it.  It brought myself and my husband closer together.  Also, there's a website link I'll throw on here that's free that has something called the "Policy of Joint Agreement."  It's an agreement between you and your spouse that you will not do anything without one another's enthusiastic agreement.  Trust me -- it gets rid of a LOT of the resentment.  (They also have a link to a couple of free questionnaires to print out about your emotional needs and what hurts your relationship -- do them, it's awesome!)

Good luck!!

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/...

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Complet...

Answer 10

You have already answered the question by saying that you are not in love with him anymore.  You have only got one life and you do not want to end up regretting not moving on.  If you feel that your husband is already holding you back in so many ways it would be sad for you to end up hating him.  If he has not made any effort in changing and trying to meet you half way I don't think he ever will.  Good luck