We just heard my 5 year old sons good friend was given 1 month to live due to cancer.?

Question

How do I handle this . . . I can't grasp my mind around why this is happening to a precious 5 year old girl how can I expect my son. What do I say to him?

Answer 1

believe me he will cope better than you,children always do,just be there for him,and dont over react

Answer 2

Two years ago my middle daughter also had a good friend die from cancer........he was 7 years old and the happiest little boy.  Like you I can't even grasp it or understand why a child has to suffer this way.  

We simply told my daughter that he was sick and he had something really bad going on in his body and the doctors couldn't fix it even though they tried real hard and that we didn't know when but he was going to die.  We let her spend as much time as she could with him and she would read him stories or tell him about school.  The night his grandma called to let us know it was over before I could face my daughter I had to have a good cry and then I went in and told her he had died and was now in heaven with the angels, we let her go to the visitation so that she could see that he wasn't hurting anymore.  She accepted it however for months afterwards she was scared to go to bed afraid she wouldn't wake up or that me her dad or siblings would die.  We took her to a councelor and was told that when a child that young deals with death they often have a lot of fear of loosing someone else and when it is a child that dies they see it as it could happen to them so we were advised to spend more time reassuring her that we were all fine and that although everyone died someday we were going to be together for a ong time.

Answer 3

he has to know after, but right now, they should go on as friends without him thinking about her any differently. she would want that. unless she wants him to know, then she would tell him of course but most likely either she doesnt or her parents dont want her to.

after, tell him that her body wasnt working right, and when your body isnt working right, it sooner or later cant work at all. sometimes people can fix the body but sometimes they dont know how. and make sure you tell him she died happily, painlessly, and peacefully.

Answer 4

It's hard enogh when an adult has cancer, I'm like you. I can't imagine it happening to a child at age 5. I am having to explain cancer to my 8 year old because her grandfather has ephogus cancer and the outcome does not look that great. When it comes to explaining things to children , I find it easier to do it with books. Go to you local libary they will have books to help you explain things to your son. The books are done in a upfront non, scarry way. One that i read to my girl scout troop is called Zink the Zebra is was written by an 11 year old cancer patient. Is talks about how she didn't want to be treated different because of her illiness. Also let your son know that he can not catch cancer from her. Its not like a cold. He doesn't have to be afraid to hug her and play with her. Amazon.com has lots of books to address cancer to small children http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/104...

Answer 5

can you maybe explain that she might be going on a trip to heaven one day and that heaven is a special place. I would take lots of pictures of them together so he always has a memory of her.

Im so sorry you all and this little girls family will have to go thru this

Answer 6

say nothing at the moment, until after she has died.

then explain she was poorly and the doctors couldn't fix her.

say the word "died", dont use euphemisms.  if you have a faith, you might like to talk about that at that time.  

i have just had to tell my 5 year old son his granddad died of cancer - that was how i did it. (5 weeks ago)

he seemed to accept it and was very matter of fact that poppa was dead, i thought he was ok with everything, then yesterday i hurt my hand and had to go to hospital to get it strapped up - he cried and said he didnt want me to go to hospital because i might be dead!

be sensitive to his changing feelings - it might come out in other ways - he might be nasty or you or very clingy. be patient with him.

Answer 7

I would definetly prepare him. He will be devastated if shes just gone one day. (If you believe in this)-Explain how God needed another angel to help him in Heaven. That she is sick and the doctors cant help her.  Only time heals the pain.

Answer 8

Be honest and gentle and keep it in terms he can comprehend.  Tell him his friend is very sick and is going to die soon.  A 5-year-old can't reasonably comprehend death but he can understand how you respond to the situation and take your lead.  Tell him everyone dies,  and that you will be there for him for a very long time -- until he's very old.

Tell him that because she's so sick, she can't live anymore and will have to go live with the angels (if you're OK with this concept).  He should be encouraged to talk about how he feels about her and this illness, and he needs to know that everything he feels (sadness, anger, confusion) is OK.  Because little kids are so forthright, he may ask her if/when she's going to die, so you may want to wait until she's gone until you tell him that part.

Not to jump the gun, but it's very OK for a child his age to attend the service and burial if you're all invited because he knew her.  I personally am not fond of open caskets, but it's your call.