We just lost my grandad and im scared for my grandma

Question

My grandad died a few moths ago, it was so sudden, he had nothing wrong with him that we knew off.

and now

Shes toattly lost in the world. My grandad was her rock, he did everything for her, payd bills, drove her everywer ect

She struggles to do the basics, im really worried for her. Without my grandad by her side the world to her is a scary place. I just dont no how to help her? she struggles with using a cash machine and worries over the smalest things.

We see her 2-3 times a week take her shopping or sit and chat.

But non of it seems to help, she never seems to really enjoy our company, but we cnt leave her on her own. I just dont no what to do.

x*x

Any one been in this position?

Any ideas on how to help her? im really getting worried.

Answer 1

Lucky she has you, sounds as though you know what she is going through and she will need you to help her come to terms with it. You must make sure that she does not give up, so include her in your life as much as you can, go and pass the time of day with her and let her know what you are doing, it will help to take her mind off of her own problems, its a good thing to do this as it will give her something to look forward to and to think of at the times when she is sad. My mother is in the same position but I have now got Social Services involved and they have arranged for a woman to call twice weekly to give her help and advice, if you are in the UK try:  http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/     I hope this helps. Good luck. Thinking about it, if you are in the UK one of you can apply for a carers grant from the government then you can spend more time with her and not have to worry about money, go to your local Department Of Health And Social Security (DHSS) and they will advise, also if you explain your fears you will find that there is a lot of help available.

Answer 2

Just be there for her as much as you can and tell her how much she means to you. Right now she needs all the support she can get. Good luck,and I'm sorry for your loss.

Answer 3

Yeah i know exactly what you mean i was in the situation in 2004. My grandma was completley lost without my grandad and we had an idea to get her a  a dog ( not a puppy) but like a 8 year old. So the dog wouldnt need to be walked every day. But it gave her company and someone to talk to. I hope this helps.

Answer 4

Hi,your gran will still be grieving.My dad died in 99 mind my mam was the strong one yet when dad died she took it hard & tried to hide it.Mam died in 2002 i felt has if my world had caved in.I am only now coming to terms with it.Do the best for your gran I am sure given time she will start going out & her life will improve.

Good Luck

Answer 5

This just hitt me too my grandpa died and his wife was very sad. But you have to learn that in a few months she will still fill sorrow but she will be ok knowing that one day she will be rejoinded with him in hevan and they will never be separated.

Answer 6

Could you move her in with you or could you move in with her?

Answer 7

i ave been in you position an it is a bad time but talk to your grandma and make sure she can feel as happy as she can

Answer 8

yes i have my grandad died very young and my nana was distraught and we did what you did checking up on her a few times a week but she was getting more depressed then she had an accident and nearly died but luckily she survived but she hated like more saying it was a 'living h**l' she couldn't do much then all she wanted was to die so my dad's sisters would always see her but i think that your grandma would need 24 care so maybe a retirement home but the nurses never listen to the people i had help my nana because some of the nurses didn't know what they were doing or a good option which will probable make her feel better but you or your parents would need a lot of time on your hands but you could let her live with you make her feel more loved.

Hopethat'ss ok1

Answer 9

Aww, I'm sorry.

The pet idea's good, alot of people find dogs to be good company.

I think maybe you should get her to live with you even for a while. Give her more time to get over the loss, it would take a while, but just be there for her. Some people find an old peoples home to be bad, but some like it cause she'll have friends and alot of company there, depending on what you think about the idea, i'd say that might do her good. Get in touch with her friends and ask them to give her more company. A loss of a husband is a big thing especially when you're old and used to it so much, Just try to help her out on what he did for her.

I hope She will be ok... and yourself. x  

Answer 10

I am so sorry for your loss and really feel for your grandmother. She is deeply grieving and is most likley depressed too. The fact that she depended on him so much probably makes the loss that much worse. Doing the bills etc is alien to her so this will take some getting used to hving to do it herself.

She is still in shock over the loss of your Grandad.

I think she needs bereavement counseeling to help her move on. She will say she is not interested BUT I think it will really help. Maybe you and your family can encourage her to get some????

Sometimes when someone dies the partner tends to give up and retrieve into their shell and not want to do anything. It is easier to give up than try to move on.

You are great seeing her and trying to help. She needs this so much. She may say she does not need it BUT she does.

She is finding the loss painful and she is havinf trouble facing future alone. Make sure you keep visiting her.

I am a nurse and so many times i have seen how grief of a life-long partner shatters their lives.

A pet would be a great as it would be company for her. What about getting her a cat from a rescue centre that is already litter trained but needs a home?

Answer 11

your grandads death is stil very recent, if you lost someone you were married to it'd take a very long time to get over. just be there for her.  

Answer 12

be with her every step of the way

Answer 13

I've thought of this and what I would do, I wouldn't want to live anymore but I would for my childrens sake, each day would be a struggle, consider having her move in with one of her children or somebody else, lonliness is a very sad state to be in, she really needs companionship.

Answer 14

Read my question, I am going through the EXACT same thing!

Answer 15

Hi yep me and my husband went throught this last year as his grandad died suddenly and like your situtation he did everything for his grandma and this makes it worse when she has lost someone that is always there, the best thing to do is be there for her like you are being now and listen to her when she talks, even if its really sad something she is saying let her get it out and comfort her, I was sat there in tears as well as she was as it is heartbreaking, as you cannot imagine how it would feel, but it does get better in time not easier but better, I know my husbands brother moved in with her, but he is always out and not much help, but its being left alone at the end of the day that she is allowed to think and this is when noone is there and noone can be there for her.

Sometimes people just want to do things on there own, but there is only so much you can do to help , you are doing all you can, you just have to let your grandma grieve,