We love. But fell out of love. We broke up. Now what? can we ever fall in love again after becoming friends?

Question

Ok this is a continuation from my other post before...

but my girlfriend did say in the break up that she loves me. But is not in love with me. She also said that it's not about me.

I felt these lines were so cliche..and told her so...but she said that in this case, they are true and not cliche.

She loves me...loves me as a person...cares for me...but is not in love.This happened to me too...after she lied..and we fought...I lost the passion. but i still cared and loved her.

She also said I did nothing wrong...and that the argument over HER lying...(she admitted she screwed up) had taken a toll and that she feels defeated now and thinks the relationship is not salvageable.

She admits and takes responsibility for it all...and even starting crying saying she is upset we didn't work out.

Then she wants to become good friends again...and is open to us again in the future if thats how things go..if it's natural and it happens..she will be open to it. But she wants to concentrate on becoming friends again and building trust (that she broke) and seeing where it leads.

And she also said she wouldn't be actively pursuing others during this time...

as per my question...we fell out of love...but seem to still care and love.

I currently feel defeated by her and believe she needs councelling.

It's been almost 3 months since split..

do u think u can fall in love with someone u were once heavily in love with, if u get over your fight and learn to trust again?

Answer 1

I think anything is possible in this situation.

It also sounds like your ex knows she has some issues to work out, and that she needs some space to sort out her feelings and re-establish trust between you, and that taking a break from each other would be good for both of you.

And I think she's being authentic (not cliche BS) when she says its not about you, and that she loves you but isn't romantically, sexually "in love" with you.

You both obviously still care for each other, and that's not likely to change.  

So I think the thing for you to do is be patient.  Keep in touch with your ex -- call her occasionally, "hey, how are things going?" that kind of thing -- keep it light and upbeat -- with the goal of slowly but surely rebuilding a friendship between you.  But you can't force the issue.  And it may take a long time. Be patient.

Bottom line -- if its meant to happen for the two of you to be together in a committed romantic relationship, then it will; if not, then in time, you'll be on best friend terms with your ex and move on to a new romance with someone else.  

Answer 2

Something like that happened to me before. I broke up with my partner when I still love her. Now that she is gone, I feel very lonely and I realise I could not fall in love again. I guess my heart is still with her.

Answer 3

time will tell  

Answer 4

Well here's my advice love has a funny way to getting to people if shes seems to want to get back together and you kind of want to to. Then don't let it stop you. You seem like a great guy so don't be afraid of love go with your heart completely it usually makes you happy. If you don't have a clue if she wants to get back together just watch out for little signs like her and you having a conversation and she's brings up something that is kind of in the question do you have a girlfriend. That is one of the major signs because once they know your open they will flirt and be your friend but be a little more flirty. There's my advice if it doesn't help I'm sorry I'm not an expert in love I have problems to right now but I wish you happiness and you find your one love and live happily ever after.

Answer 5

"....thinks the relationship is not salvageable....."  What more can she tell you than this statement.

Look, don't make the same mistake I did as well as countless others who try to save a relationship--- this is the Titanic--- jump ship and move on. Her decisions to get her c**p together are soley up to her and not you. You are not the "emotional red cross."

Find another and put this awful sitaution behind you.

Answer 6

Anything is possible when it comes to love, I split from my first husband years ago. a few years later we started contacting each other just to see how the other was..guess what--we feel in love all over again and everything in the past just flew out the window. Sometimes people just need time to grow a little to discover themselves before they can be totally true to anyone. Just go with the flow and see what happens later, don't push anything or rush into anything. She just needs some time to find herself.