We may be adopting an African American child-how can I prepare? Tips, suggestions, important things to know?

Question

I am white and dont have any experience caring for a black child-physically or emotionally/culturally. While I have some black friends I can talk to about this, I appreciate any feedback.

Answer 1

It you are talking physically, I would definately find out how to care for the African American hair.  My roomate while in school for 3 years was African American and there are alot of products and stuff she did to her hair that I had no clue about.  I would recommend that you get with your friends and have them teach you or make sure you take your child to a beauty shop to have them fix her/his hair.  

As for culturally that is in a way hard, you can teach them the blanket African American Culture, but I would definately recommend books, trips and bringing your friends into the equation.  Just know that your child will tell you when they are ready to learn about the African American Culture.

Emotionally, love, teach, nurture.

Answer 2

Why would you bring up a mixed race child differently to a white child? They are american, so you share the same immediate culture. Don't force the african culture on them - they will show interest in it when they're ready.

Answer 3

For hair and skin there are all kinds of websites. There's also a yahoo group that you could join:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/adoptionha...

Besides the message boards, they have a great collection of photos of different hairstyles to try.  

As far as culture goes, I'm sure you know about making sure that you have art, music, books, and things by black artists/authors. (And that you know something about them :) ) I was new to the community we were living in when we adopted, so I didn't know many people.  Since we adopted, our experience has been that AA people reach out to us for the sake of our kids.  We are always being invited to barbecues & church functions by people we've only just met.  We've made a lot of great friends who are incredibly tactful and kind in giving us advice. And they say I do a great job with my daughter's hair, which, you know, I was very insecure about because it's so important.

Answer 4

I would prepare myself for a lifetime of wonderful blessings! But on to your question, read up on their culture, there are alot of books out there on african american culture. As the child gets older if there is a community center that offers some activities that centers around the child's culture get involved. Find a place in the community where all kinds of people are welcome. On a serious note, i will say this. You will need to be prepared for prejudice by both white and black people. I know this because i'm bi-racial and i have two white adoptive parents. Growing up it was hard, especially with the prejudice end at school and secular. However i have the two best parents who where there when i needed a hug or just to talk to you. I encourgae you to do the same. All children are of need of love, you sound like a decent person. So, i know that you will do what ever it takes to make sure your child knows how much you love them.

Answer 5

You do it the same way you would with any other child.  You wing it.  Skin color and hair...  it's not THAT different.  The only major thing about the skin is that it tends to get dry, so make sure you moisturize daily.  The hair thing isn't that much of an issue.  There are special products to keep it looking good.  Don't use baby oil.  Use the oil for AA hair.

It also depends on how dark he/she is.  The darker the skin, the more it tends to be dry.  If the hair is nappy, the more issues you're going to have if it's a  girl and she's a teenager, lol.

I can see that you want to be the best parent you can be.  But race is only as much of an issue as you make it.  The important thing is love.  Raise the kid with love, good values and a strong sense of security and you can't go wrong!  Kids have a way of surprising you with their insight.  Just let him/her tell you how they want to handle the AA / white issue.

Answer 6

Children are children no matter the size, shape, or color. I say you're doing a good thing by adopting an african american because that's the majority of kids that don't have good families. By helping that one, you're giving that child more than he ever had.

Answer 7

In most stores they have a specific hair care section formulated for people of color. There skin sometimes can be a bit dry and so you can use various lotions. As for the hair, they also have many salons that cater more to people of color. Congrats on your new family member, enjoy! Children are such a blessing!!

(if you ever feel uncomfortable by coming out and asking your friends about something. Simply look around while in their bathroom at what skin and hair care products they are using...Not that you should feel uncomfortable!)

Answer 8

erm..hang on. What difference does it make what colour your child is? Bring it up just the same as you would bring up any child!

Answer 9

I will say what others (or atleast I don't think they haven't said) haven't said. Teach the child what they want to know, they got questions answer them. Don't go over black and white history if they don't want to hear it. Either give it to because they want to know it or give it to them because they need to know it. I would also subject them to knowing the simple cultrual diffrences.

Please don't be treating them special because they are of diffrent ethnic and don't treat them fragile either. Just treat them like kin and nothing more nothing less.

Far as physical, yes the hair is diffrent, Most people with "real" black hair, can't use gel, they use grease, they use a Brush, n pic. Lol.

I will say yes there is some different things out their. Don't be like those stupid people who say treat the kid like any other, because that would be ackward for the kid to not understand what is going on. If people give the kid c**p because they are black and your white, sucker punch dem in the face. Don't let annoy tell you or the kid different, your family now, and color has no meaning to who is allowed to live with who.

Represent don't resent.

Answer 10

the best thing you can do for an ethnic child is teach it it's roots and your roots. that way it will understand better why you are white and why he/she is black. ask your black friends what they would do different if they adopted a white child.

Answer 11

There is a great yahoo group on ethnic hair care.  It's got some great tips.  AA children do need hair moisturizers and lotions.  The best stuff we found is the very thick shea butter lotion from Bath and Body works.  

I take my daughter to an ethnic stylist for microbraids.  They are expensive, but they stay in for a long time and are easy to care for.  Just spray them with a moisturizer and go!

As a white couple adopting black children, you will be judged by the AA community based upon how you care for your children's skin and hair.  It's also so important for their self esteem to look good and have healthy skin and hair.  

ETA: Also, don't be afraid to ask questions!  You will probably be offered advice on skin/hair from strangers on the street.  Everyone who has done this has been very kind and helpful.  The first time I saw a beautiful lady with microbraids, I politely asked her about the hairstyle (my daughter was with me) and she gave me the numbers of some ladies who braid hair.  I've found that if you can find someone who braids out of their home, it's less costly (and often the braids are better done) than by going to a salon.  Ask around and network.  If you show that you really want to learn, you'd be surprised how many people will offer to help.

I recommend a couple of great books: Inside Transracial Adoption and In their Own Voices.  

Good luck!

Answer 12

In addition to the great responses you've already received, I would just add a few suggestions:

This is a great course (although it is not free) - other APs I know who have adopted transracially absolutely love it!

http://www.adoptionlearningpartners.org/...

A video by the same group, on haircare:

http://www.adoptionaccents.com/products/...

I second the recommendation of reading Inside Transracial Adoption (it's sort of THE book on transracial adoption), In Their Own Voices, and would add: In Their Parent's Voices and Black Baby White Hands: A View from the Crib.

Speak to you AA friends, perhaps in a way you've never had to before. Ask them for feedback on what they would suggest. Ask them about their experiences. And don't be afraid to keep asking for their help.

There are also quite a few groups, some on Yahoo, some elsewhere, of APs who have adopted transracially. Enlist their support, ask them questions, find a support community online (or ask your agency/social worker if their is one close to you).

Good luck to you!

Answer 13

First, i commend you for taking the first step.  Second, most people won't understand as you can tell from some of your previous answers.  (excluding Renee King:))

Start with reading "In their own voices", it a great book.  (start in the middle of the book or at the end)  They individual stories about Africian American children raise by "white" families.

Juneteenth, is a big celebration in the African American community and its coming up.  Look, ask and call around find out where the event is being held in your community.  A great resource for us has been our local museum, they hold many African American cultural events.  Also during the summer we have an Africanfest, celebrating African culture.  See if there is something like this in your area.

Start looking for African American beauticians.  Never take your child to a "white" beautician.  I have tried just about every product out there, but most of this will depend on the thickeness and curliness of your individual childs hair.  If you can i encourage you to learn how to braid hair.  Start with french braiding.  (not as neccessary if you have a boy child).

Nothing beats coco butter products for the skin.  For younger children i do like a new product.  Its like a baby oil gel by Johnson & johnson.  Its great for squirmy little ones who won't hold still long enough for you to rub the lotion in:)  African American skin can be very sensitive like caring for a red head's fair skin, so try to use All free and clear laundry detergent and bounce free and clear dryer sheets.  (prevents eczima) sp? spell check not working. sry.

I could go on and on and on.  I don't know everything but i have some experience.  Please feel free to email me anytime with any questions, just click on my avatar.  I wish you all the best:)

Eta:  Wynner has great advice and i <3 Healing Adoptee.