We want to adopt a baby girl. I am sad It seems we have been waiting so long for our angel.?

Question

Hi,

My husband and I want to adopt a baby girl. I know we have been looking for at least a year. We prefer to do a private adoption because, it is more personal. I see post from people all the time that have decided to go the adoption direction. Actually getting in touch with them is something else though. Are first choice was to do a private adoption but, it seems like we might need to consider other options. We are going to go through foster to adopt. I was told that will probably take another 8 months just to do the paper work to get started. I am sad today because, we wanted to adopt a baby girl a year ago and there feels like there is no end to the wait. My question is how do you deal with the sadness of having to wait so long. Also deal with the not knowing if you will ever actually get to adopt. Any suggestions would be appreciated thanks.

Love,

Michelle

Answer 1

How do you deal with the sadness of having to wait?

I don't know.  But I'll tell you how I have dealt with 34 years of separation from my n-family, of longing to be with my mother, to see her face, to know my brother and sister, to understand who and where I came from.

I deal with it Every.  Single.  Day.  

Counseling, therapy, bouts with depression and anxiety, it's not easy.  

I'm sorry you will have to wait a year or two for your dream daughter, I've waited 34 years for my real mother.

Answer 2

We are in the same boat...with 3 sons (the youngest adopted) and hoping to adopt a little girl.  It's really hard to keep waiting and not knowing when your little one will come home.  All you can do is try and keep busy and leave it all in the hands of a higher power.  There are lots of really good support forums online, too.  Feel free to email me if you would like to websites.  Hang in there...and please know that so many others are going through the same thing.

Answer 3

Why does it have to be a girl?  Why not a child?  If you're getting depressed, maybe it isn't the right time for you to adopt.  Have you looked into any support groups for adoptive parents or pre-adoptive parents?  Keep praying it will happen for you when it is time.

Answer 4

Hi Michelle,

If your heart is set on adoption of a baby girl just wait it out. Maybe she's just not born yet.

We struggled with infertility for over five years which is a heartbreaking and devistating thing to go through. We had our hearts set on adoption but went through foster care as a quicker avenue to building our family. We were placed with our son promised an adoption changed his name everything. We got him at three months old, He is now two years old, parents abandoned him, everything was going our way... The family had not had any contact or visits with him what so ever we were the only family he'd known.TWO WEEKS before our adoption finalization a biological aunt challenged our adoption. We went to court fought the bio aunt for 8months, thousands of dollars spent in legal fees. WE LOST! Our precious boy leaves before the end of the month and I am SICK WITH GRIEF. Not only am I grieveing for me and my family's loss but our son who has been having transitional visits with his bio family has been having an extreamly diffcult time being apart from us. He is having such a hard time we acually had to have him evaluated by a child psycologist to minimize the damage this is causing him. The courts don't care they will at all cost support family reunifcation. Please Please if your dream is adoption and you feel a little girl is what is right for your family just wait it out and when she finally comes it'll be worth it.

My heart goes out to you

Sincerly,

janna

Answer 5

Anything worthwhile is worth waiting for.  Conceiving a baby often takes just as long.  Focus on the life and opportunity you have now and you will have much more to give your child when she arrives.  Parenting is all about patience and acceptance, now is the time to start.

Answer 6

I am always concerned when I read things like this. My husband and I brought our son home from the hospital after only starting the adoption process two months prior to his birth. We are not super wealthy and we are considerably younger than most adoptive parents.  I have a hard time believing that people have such a hard time adopting. I usually find the following reasons for people having a hard time adopting:

1) They are picky on the gender and race of the child (this sounds like you)    

2) They are looking for the cheapest route which usually is private adoption (this sounds like you as well)

3)Can't pass a homestudy

4)Have no concern for the well being of the child's natural family and only want the baby with no strings attatched

The idea that a private adoption is more personal is absolutely ridiculous. Please be honest with yourself. Usually a private adoption does not acknowledge all the needs of the natural mother. It's main concern is to get a baby cheap and fast. We went through an adoption agency and have an extremely personal relationship with our son's natural mother. We see her every 3 months or so.

Also, as far as foster care is concerned, my friends just went this route and started fostering children within a few days of completeing their homestudy, paperwork, classes, etc...

I usually call BS on most people who write post similar to yours because they are usually having issues that they are not acknowledging or are trying to hide. Stop being picky on the type of chld you want. Put the natural mother and the child above your own selfish needs and desires. Acknowledge the reasons within yourself and your family on why it's taking so long whatever that may be. I know there are reasons and for you to act like there isn't tells me exactly why you are having trouble!

Edit: When you buckle down and focus on all the requirements it should take no longer than 2-3 months. Ours only took 2 months. This included the paperwork, parenting classes, and the homestudy. So I'm calling BS on that too.

Answer 7

A year isn't really long at all.  Becoming parents through biology, adoption or foster care is often a long, hard path for many parents.  But -- you can do wonderful things now with your time, love, energy.  Volunteer to rock babies at your local hospital.  Volunteer to babysit for mothers in shelters so they can look for work.   Become a Big Sister for a young child who desperately needs a positive person in their lives.  Do respite foster care so special needs foster parents can get a break.  Use those motherly feelings and skills and put them to use while you wait.  And just consider broadening your idea of "the" child to want to parent.....boy, special needs, older, etc.?

Answer 8

I waited four years but it was worth every second. Hang in there.

Answer 9

Little boys can be angels too.  I have never heard of the state taking 8 months to license a home for foster care.  Usually the state is so in need of homes they hurry through the licensing process.  It took only around 3 months for our home to be licensed for foster care.  There are a lot of children out there waiting to be adopted.  We need to stop worrying about getting the "perfect" child and worry about being the "perfect

parent!

Answer 10

Ignore the selfish and BITTER adoptees on here.

If you want your girl, then u go get your girl!

If you want to call that little girl your angel, then call her your angel.

Your great people. I hope it all goes great for you. I know that it can be a long process. I bet she will be worth the wait though.

good luck xx

Answer 11

hi michelle.. your question reads of bit condescending and entitled.

here's why:

-i want a girl...

-i have to wait 8 months

-we WANT to adopt a baby girl, yet it seems like there's no end to the wait...

----------------------------

my suggestion is to try and work out your feelings about why you are so gender selective. next, you should realize that the whole instant gratification route is slightly arrogant.  

h**l, i want a baby too.  yet i have to wait NINE long months, sick and puking; AND go through labor/delivery and having my nether regions stretched open to the size of a melon in order to get mine (OMG, is that in my immediate future??? arrghhh!)!  yet, if i stated that, many would say, "shut up, at least you can have a baby!" *shrugs*

i don't know michelle, i really think that right now, you need to focus more on yourself, and less about why some woman is not eagerly gestating and birthing your "little girl."

Answer 12

Why the emphasis on a girl?

Not to sound overly harsh, but your pain at having to wait is minuscule compared to what the biological parents will be going through.  

I think adoption has its place, but you seem to be picking and choosing your child, like a puppy, and that saddens me.  

You are not entitled to a child.  In order for YOU to have a child a family will have to lose a child.  And your child will have to lose a whole family.  

Waiting two years is nothing if you take into account the big picture.

I know I sound harsh and anti-adoption, but this entitlement attitude I see from so many PAP's drives me insane.

I am a PAP and I do NOT feel entitled to anyone's child.  I think the wait is NOTHING compared to the loss on the other side and I wish MORE adoptive parents would understand that, and see it that way.  No one deserves a child. NO ONE.  Especially other people's children.

Answer 13

I think you need to get some serious therapy before you adopt.

You are calling someone you don't know an "angel"? That is disturbing.

Also, adoption is not like eating at a buffet. You don't get to pick and choose your flavors. Well, I suppose you could but then your little "angel" might not show up until you are near retirement.